2013 Winners and Losers: Kim, Kanye, Phil, Miley and The Biebs

MileyPhil

I know not all of you are from the States but surely you’ll be familiar with at least some of these story lines:

Miley Cyrus: After Miley’s bawdy “twerking” demonstration with Robin Thicke at the VMA’s there was literally public outrage. Really everybody? We’re mad because she did a kind of weird, kind of sexy, kind of dance? I wasn’t alive in the 1950′s, but apparently everybody was so upset about some guy named Elvis moving his hips, the 50′s version of twerking, that the networks wouldn’t show his hips on TV. Remember the 1980′s when everyone was aghast about Madonna‘s sexual songs and revealing outfits? The network, the VMA’s and Robin Thicke were all in on this and everybody is calling Miley crazy. She’s crazy like a fox. Or maybe crazy like Charlie Sheen. We’re still talking about it and we all loved Wrecking Ball. Who wins? #MileyCyrus.

KimKanye

Kanye West: This one was a battle of the titans. Kanye West vs. the Kardashians. Kanye won, but ultimately he will lose. Kanye won the baby name battle but he will lose the war. Dude was so desperate to revive his flagging career that he married a Kardashian. Kim changes husbands like I change my underwear, at least once a year. Mark my words, 2014 will see Kanye sent packing and baby North will take on the Kardashian name. If that happens, consider yourself lucky my friend. Look at what they did to Bruce Jenner. Kanye would have been better off changing his name to Kardashian. Does he even still make music anymore? Verdict: Loser.

Kim Jong Un: I tricked you when I put Kim in the title. Some of you may have missed this, but after his crazy dad died Kim Jong Un took over control of North Korea and just a couple weeks ago had his uncle killed just to consolidate his power. Dude has got some serious family issues. Stomping out dictators and global bad guys is like playing Whack-a-mole. Once you knock off one another one pops up to take his place. I’m not psychic but but I’m getting the feeling that Kim Jong Un  may have drones in his future, and not the ones delivering from Amazon. Kim Jong Un may think he’s winning, but before long history books will show that he is a loser.

Duck Dynasty

Phil Robertson and Duck Dynasty: I can’t believe the A&E network was shocked that an old redneck said bigoted things. My personal beliefs and politics aren’t the issue, but I am furious that you let him get away with sullying the good name of Phil. I’ve suspended him from Phil Club and he’s not getting back in. Ever. Who cares if the Duck Dynasty family walks off the set and never films another episdode? A&E, way to go caving in to a bunch of backwoods primadonnas. Way to set a precedent. As a network you have enough money and other shows to move on without Duck Dynasty and the Duck Dynasty family has enough money to walk away and not even miss the show.  Loser: A&E

Bieber

Justin Bieber: The Biebs had a rough 2013. In March he collapsed during a concert, attacked a photographer and in a tweet defending himself mocked Lindsay Lohan. He wrapped up his stellar March 2013 by spitting at a neighbor who had complained that #Bieber was driving too fast in their little neighborhood. In April while visiting the Anne Frank museum he actually wrote in the guest book, “Truly inspiring to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber.” What an idiot. I’m sure she’d have followed The Phil Factor. Then in October the able bodied #Justin Bieber is criticized worldwide for having his bodyguards carry him up the stairs at the Great Wall of China. Finally about two weeks ago he announced his retirement. Retirement from what? Being a complete jerk? Just based on 2013 I’m tempted to attach the phrase ‘colossal asshat’ to The Biebs, but I believe the jury is still out. He’s a talented kid who is only 20 years old. If I were judged on my 20 year old self I’d call me a colossal asshat too. Ok #JustinBieber, you’ve screwed up one year, it’s up to you if you screw up the rest. Verdict: Only time will tell.

As always, if you’ve enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please his the Facebook or Twitter share button below and feel free to leave a comment here as well. You know Anne Frank would. Yeah, I know I said I’d post my New Years resolutions today. Apparently I lied. I’ll post those on Monday or Tuesday. Have a great weekend!

4 responses to “2013 Winners and Losers: Kim, Kanye, Phil, Miley and The Biebs

  1. I’ve got one to add to this:
    At the Oscars Jennifer Lawrence fell up the stairs. This, while unfortunate, is understandable due to the ridiculous shoes and enormous dress she was wearing. However, she stood up BEFORE Hugh Jackman got to her. The lesson learned? When Hugh Jackman rushes over to help, you STAY ON THE FLOOR. Verdict? Loser…

  2. This is great! I had no idea Burce Jenner wanted to become a woman. I think I first saw/knew of him this year (yeah I don’t live under a rock but I have absolutely zero interest in the Kardashians) when I had nothing else to watch in the Seychelles. I thought to myself- is this person a man or a woman?? But I guess whatever makes him happy works…!

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