Well, my heart has been heavy with guilt and I’ve just been waiting for the call from Barbara Walters so that I can unburden my soul. Maybe Barbara lost my number, so I guess I’ll have to start the interview here without her. Here it is, I hate to admit it, but Paula Abdul has been helping me choose topics for this web page. I thought I could do it on my own, but apparently she took a liking to me and started giving me suggestions. That’s how it started anyway. And then one day things got physical. How could I say no? She’s beautiful, famous, a good source of free pain medication, and she could help me with my career. Now that the Internet Idol people have begun investigating what happened between two consenting adults all those years ago I got another call from Paula. Here, let me play you the voicemail from my cell, “Hi, it’s Paula. Call me back. If the press is trying to talk to you, you say absolutely nothing. That’s all you do.” I hate to throw Paula under the bus after all she did for me, but I’m just cleaning up my own pathway. If that involves getting your dirt off my pathway, I’m going to do that. I definitely will not help the Internet Idol people because they have not helped me out whatsoever. They made it very hard for me to do what I’m doing, which is my career. I also want to say, buy my book. It goes on sale on Amazon.com immediately following the airing of this article.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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