In my quest for a new abode with two and a half commodes I’ve been informed that a house in which a horrific multiple murder occurred a year ago will soon be on the market. I believe I could probably get a really good deal on a very good house. I may or may not believe in ghosts, but either way, I’m not worried about being haunted. I didn’t kill them, so why would their ghosts haunt me? And if they do, screw them. For 2400 square feet, central air and a price under $150,000 I can ignore a little demonic wailing. I’ll just get one of those white noise machines. I’m thinking that I could put on a kick ass Halloween party every year. So what if my kids start dressing like the Addams Family? I have yet to visit the house in question, but I assume that all the blood will be cleaned up by now. If not, it’s another bargaining chip for me. Blood red would definitely clash with the curtains I’ve got picked out. If the stains don’t come out I’d have to change my whole decorating scheme. That might be a deal breaker for me.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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