On the 9th Day of Christmas…

I would like an end to horseback riding. This is a bit of a personal gripe and doesn’t necessarily benefit mankind like my other wishes, but it does benefit horses. I am of the opinion that horses don’t like being ridden. I’m not any kind of Dr. Doolittle or animal psychic, I just can’t see any possible way that horses are enjoying this.

Horse No. 1: “Damn, I’m bored. I wish someone would come along, sit on my back, jerk my mouth back and forth with a rope, jerk being the operative word, and then kick me right in the kidneys a few times if I don’t have enough giddyap to suit them.”

Horse No. 2: “I’m down with that homey, but what I really want is to be a racehorse. Then you get to do all that and get your ass whipped repeatedly. Oh yeah, and then if I happen to break an ankle, the man takes me into the hizzle and busts a cap in my head. Ain’t that the life?”

Horse No. 1: I can’t believe we get to do all that for a bucket of oats a day. Suckers! By the way Ed, why are you talkin’ like that? You’re from West Virginia.”

Horse No. 2: “It’s just something I’m trying out. The stable boy had MTV on in the office the other day so loud that I could hear it in here. You think we’ll ever be on “Pimp My Ride”? I would look sweet in a purple velour saddle with surround sound speakers.”

12 responses to “On the 9th Day of Christmas…

  1. OMG!!! That made me laugh so hard!!! thanks, I needed it….Tawnya

  2. Glad you enjoyed it Tawnya.

  3. Yeah I KNOW horses aren’t happy, but why take it out on me? I was “feeling no pain” in New Orleans a few years back and walked up to pet a carriage horse and he bit my arm. My Levi’s jacket saved my skin but I couldn’t move my fingers for almost a week!

  4. As far as I’m concerned, if it doesn’t have a key, or an off button, or a set of brakes, I ain’t driving/riding it !!Poor horses … I have seen plenty with majorly sway backs, from being ridden too much (and perhaps from much too heavy people).If only they could really talk !!Great post, Phil

  5. Well, you should have something for yourself.Not every Christmas wish can help man kind.

  6. I feel awful for horses riding in a ” Caleche” pulling a family of 4 in the winter and also the brutal heat of the summer.

  7. LOL!!! Into the hizzle….Youre such a goof. LOL!

  8. geewits- I think the horse bit you because you just walked away without helping him gain his freedom from the man.

  9. meow- If god had wanted us to ride horses he wouldn’t have invented cars.

  10. berly- My next wish isn’t selfish either. See? I’m not as evil as you were thinking.

  11. Heidi- My point exactly. I have a friend who says that horses enjoy being ridden. No way! I’m sure they enjoy just galloping around a field eating grass a lot more.

  12. Princess- No, I am not just a goof. I am King of the Goofs!

Leave a Reply to Heidi Cancel reply