For most people static electricity is annoying. You reach to turn on the television and get a little shock. You walk around your home in socks and accidentally shock the next person you touch. For me it’s more than that. For some reason that I don’t understand, my body conducts electricity extremely well. It may have to do with the fact that I’ve sustained two serious electrical shocks in my life. Shocks that had the potential to kill me. Or perhaps I survived those shocks because of my innate ability to conduct electricity. I don’t know. I seem to pick up electricity from just about anything. I’ve become conditioned to closing my car door with my elbow. At night if I reach for my car I can literally see a spark jump from my finger to the door before I even touch it. I can walk up to my television, run my hand over the screen, absorbing the static there, and then discharge it on the victim of my choice. My poor dog does not find this as funny as I do. I considered using this ability to become a crime fighting super-hero,(Static Man would have been my name), but I didn’t want to wear tights and work nights. It’s not that I don’t have the body to pull off the tights look, you know I do. I thought the whole secret identity thing would have been too much trouble too. I mean really, who wants to work a day job as a peon and then spend your nights traveling the rooftops of your city grappling with the forces of evil? There’s no money in that.
To all my regular readers, I’m sorry that this isn’t as entertaining as my usual stuff. I’m just not in the mood this week.