I love women. Let me get that out of the way right up front. I think women are the best invention known to man. Women, however, are starting to scare me. Remember about a month ago when I mused about what I would do and how I would elude authorities if I turned to a life of crime? If I do turn to a life of crime you can sure as hell bet that I will go out of my way to avoid victimizing women. I say this not only because of my great respect for women, but also because they apparently have no qualms about killing you.
Two incidents occurred in the past week that caught my attention. Last Thursday Susan Kuhnhausen, a 51 year old nurse in Portland, Oregon returned home from work to find a man armed with a hammer in her home. Of course Susan did what any women would do in this situation, she strangled him to death with her bare hands. The second incident occurred in New York City of course. 56 year old Margaret Johnson was cruising through a Harlem neighborhood in her wheelchair when a mugger thought he would try to snatch a necklace off of her neck. So of course Margaret did what any right thinking woman would do when confronted with this situation. She shot him. Granny was packing serious heat. It turns out that this little, old, wheelchair-bound woman was on her way to a shooting lesson. Sadly, the incident occurred before the lesson. She only managed to hit the mugger in the elbow, but he was arrested and no doubt embarrassed. I’m guessing that when he’s hanging out at the muggers weekly poker game his friends are not going to let him live this down.
I can only imagine how this situation will playing out in the dating scene. What guy in his right mind now would risk a flirtatious slap on someone’s behind at a bar? Or say you go home with a girl, how could you possibly even thinking of making your “move” unless you ask permission and outline exactly what you plan to do ahead of time. Yeah ladies, don’t think you’re ever going to come home to find your boyfriend in his birthday suit with a dozen roses for you. If we jump out and yell “surprise” we could end up dead. I’ve read many, many women’s blogs bemoaning the fact that they can’t find any decent, single guys. I’m pretty sure there are lots of decent single guys, they’re just terrified that if they say the wrong thing you’re going bust a cap in their heads.
Agree with you wholeheartedly. There is only one thing on earth more frightening than a woman – a group of women. Even when they’ve not yet reached womanhood, they are still frightening – there is no pack animal on earth as vicious as the teenage girl.
Whoa! Jock, be careful what you say here. I have a lot of women readers. You say the wrong thing and the lovely people you just referred to as “pack animals” will be turning on you. That being said, welcome to The Phil Factor!
I think women in packs are scary, no matter what the age. I’ve read countless times that if you want to meet a guy when you go out, not to go in a group of women because it’s too intimidating for a guy to approach. Of course if you go alone, you may appear to be a barfly. Women, in my experience, can definitely be nastier than men generally speaking. Having said that, when you have a couple of good female friends, there is nobody more loyal on the face of the earth…so I’ve heard. As for decent single guys, send them all my way. I’m unarmed except for my wit. Yay – you changed your comment function and are allowing non-Blogger types!
It’s just payback. One of the most common ways for a woman to die of unnatural causes is at the hands or a current or previous lover. What’s good for the goose…-N
Phil, once again you have stolen my topic of the day. But screw you, I’m posting mine anyways.Yes, we are scary and we like it that way. Boys are weird.~Sher
Did you just realize all this now Phil? I mean the quote “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” has been round for years. I am thinking many a fellow before you has come to realize this.p.s. thanks so much for changing over your comment moderation so that I could leave this comment. ( that you probably wish I hadn’t) lol..* wink*
LOL…hey, that nurse was over 6′ and weighed around 240. maybe she just sat on him and he sufficated.and i agree about the whole gal pack animal thing. ever been to a concert and listen to the screaming women? what’s up with that group mob mentality? scarey is right.granny packing heat….still giggling over that.
Hell hath no fury…Hah.
Chicks Kick Ass.
Heh, fantastic!!
interesting post. i like. i’m not sure how i feel about it, but i like.
Ah Phil. You just have to understand that we’re always having to be extra careful because we’re targeted more than you are…I don’t carry a gun but I do carry mace and I know basic self defense. It’s a must for a woman these days.
Linny has a great point. Should we get into detailing the ways that men have harmed women?On the other hand, the final statement you made had me laughing out loud.
Great post! I’ve been reading your blog but have not been able to comment since switching to beta (which I love!!!). Thanks for changing your comment option so that those of us on beta can be heard 🙂
Mary Beth- “Women in packs are scary”? How can you say such a thing about those beautiful, delicate creatures?Natalia- I was in no way making light of violence against women. I’m just pointing out that men should be afraid. Very afraid.Sherbears- I’ll have to head over to your blog to read your brilliant take on this.Quinn- Thank god you’re back!
McKay- Yes, I read how big the nurse was, but damn that’s serious anger when you choke someone to death instead of just knocking him unconscious. She is a very scarey woman.Josie- Yes, I do know women’s fury. It kind of gets me hot.Princess- Chicks to kick ass both literally and figuratively. I may hire one as a bodyguard.Michelle- Are the women in Oz like this?
Linny- I’ll remember that you carry mace if I ever visit Georgia.Carly- I’m just trying to make people laugh. This wasn’t meant to be any serious social commentary. Or was it?dzeni- I’m glad I changed the comment settings. I wouldn’t want to lose you. I wish someone had e-mailed me about this sooner.We can all thank Linny and Quinn for getting me straightened out.
You don’t need to worry too much. We women obviously get our super-powers after we hit menopause. It’s the supplemental hormones. LOL
The decent guys don’t have anything to worry about, for now but you’re right, we won’t think twice about busting a cap in your ass! LOL… For the record, I own a 357 Magnum so before you pop over, call first. *wink