Send In The Clowns

I’d like to address a very serious subject. A malady if you will, that afflicts thousands, maybe millions, of people each and every day. It is a subject of such horror, such an abomination, that those who suffer from this disorder hide it, even from their loved ones. I am, of course, speaking of Coulrophobia. No, Coulrophobia is not the fear of Dave Coulier. If it were, that would be my problem. Well, me and Alanis Morissette. Coulrophobia is “the irrational and persistent fear of clowns.” Yes, it is so prevalent it has been given a scientific name by psychologists. Apparently this is a very serious subject because there are hundreds of websites dedicated to discussing and curing this fear. I don’t get it!!!! What the hell is so scary about a guy in makeup, big pants, and floppy red shoes? You know what they say, big feet big… I suppose that’s why they have to wear the big pants. Do you Coulrophobes think that the squirting flower they wear is symbolic of what’s going on in the big pants perhaps? Is it the swollen red nose that suggests alcoholism? C’mon, we all have a lovable, old drunk somewhere in our family tree! And yes, I intentionally put that big clown picture at the top of the article just to freak out the clown-o-phobes. Aside from John Wayne Gacy, can anyone else name a clown that has ever done anyone any harm? (No, Michael Jackson doesn’t count!) If you weren’t creeped out by clowns before, I’ll bet you are now, but in a different way. Enjoy the circus this year everyone!

5 responses to “Send In The Clowns

  1. I think I will go put on a clown suit now and go graffiti tag someone's car, so you'll know a clown who did some harm 😉

  2. You've got to really stare at a clown to see the potential danger. Blow up the pic full-screen and get a good look. The pasty-white face, radioactive hair, rigid, botox smile … it's abnormal. I can now understand people's fear a bit. Before? Bozo was The Man in my house as a kid!

    Here's a recent post I wrote:

  3. Yes! So many people are afraid of clowns! I don't get it either. I don't think they're all that entertaining, but not scary either.

  4. The older I get, the more nervous I get around clowns. You just can't trust someone who has to hide behind face paint, bright poofy hair, and obnoxious clothes.

    And am I the only one who saw that movie the Devil's Rejects? Ok, I only watched part of it–it was far too disturbing for my sheltered clown-fearin' brain.

  5. I'll tell you why I'M afraid of them. I blogged it but I don't remember where, so I'll just tell you. It happened at a McDonald's when I was a kid (who didn't speak a work of English). Ronald McDonald was following me around the restaurant and scaring the shit out of me with his big clown feet and painted smile. He was probably the first pedophile I ever met.

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