The Hodge Podge Post

First off, is ‘hodge podge’ supposed to be one word? Secondly, since I’ve been really busy I’ve been accumulating blog post ideas in my head all week, but haven’t had the time to put them down here, so I’m going to dedicate a paragraph to each idea here in sort of a catch up post that will give you a cliff notes version of everything I would have expounded on if I had the time for a full post on each topic. Let’s face it, any idea I have really only needs one paragraph anyway. I’m not that deep.

1. The Lack of Boundaries People No this isn’t a group of amoeba like people from another planet who invisibly flow through our walls. These are the people in everyday life, who apparently lacking a professional therapist, suddenly and without warning decide that you are their new therapist. Sometimes it’s a cashier at the supermarket as she’s checking your items, “Do you have a coupon for this? I used to use these when I could afford them. Of course that was before my husband slept with my sister and then left me for her because he said I just didn’t ‘do it for him’ in bed.” Umm…no, I don’t have a coupon. I ran into one such person, a co-worker, on my recent work trip. There we sat having a couple beers and watching Monday Night Football when all of a sudden, unrelated to anything, he says, “My wife is flying down to meet me. I had to pack my suitcase when she wasn’t looking so she didn’t notice I have Viagra. I can’t wait until she gets here. I’m ready to go all weekend. That Viagra is great and my wife has no idea I’m using it.” Yeah right. An overweight, hypertensive 45 year old guy is suddenly going at it like an 18 year old and you think she has no clue? … is what I could have said but I didn’t. I said, “Oh…ummm….can you believe Buffalo is beating New England. I don’t see how they could screw this up.”

2. Dear President Barack Obama, Is everything ok? Are you dead? It’s been a whole 48 hours since you’ve been on television doing something completely gratuitous and unrelated to your job. Yeah, I know it’s cool being the President and all, but how often are you actually doing any President stuff? You know what? I don’t want to see you out playing golf with Tiger Woods. I don’t care to see you laughing it up with David Letterman. I suspect you went to see him just to get tips for picking up women anyway, because frankly I’ve seen your dancing and that isn’t going to help you. I don’t want to have you breaking down football games for ESPN or filling out an NCAA Tournament bracket on television. Yeah, dragging the Olympic games to Chicago so we could spend billions of taxpayer dollars on buildings that will forever sit empty after 2 weeks of use, seems like a good idea, but is it really as important as…oh I don’t know….running two wars in the Middle East and fixing our economy? You’re on t.v. more than Oprah Winfrey. Dude, just sit in that Oval Office and make some useful decisions. (And I’d briefly like to say a quick Hello to my friends in Homeland Security and the F.B.I. whose internet security filters were tripped by an online mention of the President. You guys rock. Keep up the good work and keep reading The Phil Factor)