Sexiest Man Alive? Hardly.

Johnny Depp?!!? Please! First of all, I wasn’t even interviewed. How fair is that? Go on, compare his picture right there with mine in the top left of the page. His picture, my picture. His picture, my picture. His picture, my picture. I’ve been doing that all night and I still don’t see it. Sexier than me? Who is doing the rating? Ray Charles? Stevie Wonder? (Why aren’t there famous blind women?) I’m mean, c’mon, as far as I know he is completely unemployed right now. Meanwhile I have a full time job with health insurance and everything! Raise your hand if you’ve read Johnny Depp’s blog? Of course you haven’t! He doesn’t have a blog. I do. And I have 12 followers! I have a blog, a full-time job, health insurance and the ability to use what I’ve learned about personal hygiene. Depp? No, no, no, and a big NO on the hygiene. Ask yourself this, who have you spent more time reading about this year, him or me? We all know the answer to that. You’ve been to my blog at least once or twice a week. How many times a week do you go out of your way to read what Johnny Depp has to say? In fact, you see my picture everytime you visit this blog. You’ve definitely looked at my picture more than Johnny Depp’s this year too. Do you know why? That’s right, because I’m sexier. Case closed. In fact my argument here is so watertight that I doubt Depp will even attempt to refute it.