Little City, Big Dreams

These little town blues, are melting away

I’m gonna make a brand new start of it – in old New York

And if i can make it there, i’m gonna make it anywhere

It’s up to you – New York, New York

Frank Sinatra

I live in New York, but I don’t live in New York City. I realize that for many people outside of New York state it’s news that New York City isn’t the entirety of New York. For those of you not familiar with our geography, New York is a fairly big state with several other medium sized cities. . Perhaps it’s because of New York City that the other cities in the state have an inferiority complex. My city wants to be big and wants to have big, important things happen here. We grasp desperately to any straw of fame that one of our natives achieves. Nowhere is this inferiority complex more evident than on the local news.

Male Local News Anchor: Good evening. I’m Dirk Hairpiece and this is Eyewitness News!

Female Local News Anchor: And I’m Buffy Sleptmywayhere. What are tonight’s top stories Dirk?

Dirk: In New York City today a subway train went off the tracks and careened wildly down Wall St. before coming to rest on top of the Statue of Liberty. 147 people were killed. Let’s go to field reporter Skippy Trenchcoat for a live interview. Skippy?

Skippy: I’m here in our town, about a block away from the studio in the home of Dolores Hairnet who says that her cousin’s friend’s brother’s high school classmate once rode the very same subway train responsible for today’s tragedy. Dolores, can you tell us about your experience?

Dolores: Well, Eddie, that’s my cousin’s friend’s brother’s high school classmate, said it was like a train, but it goes underground in them there tunnel things.

Skippy: Did Eddie notice anything suspicious about the train?

Dolores: He said it smelled funny. Kinda like how your garbage can smells on a hot summer day when you left meat in it and the maggots start to grow.

Skippy: Well there you have it Dirk and Buffy. The train ride stunk from the beginning. 

Dirk in studio: Thank you Skippy. Speaking of something that stinks, let’s go to weather girl Sunny Implants broadcasting live from the elephant cage at the zoo.

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3 responses to “Little City, Big Dreams

  1. I know that “we're connected” bullshit of local news all too well. Why can't we just let the story happen where it happened?

  2. I once thought about riding that train. They should interview me. 😉

  3. Bwhahahahaha! Dirk Hairpiece…classic!

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