I Am Pro-Choice! (It’s not what you think)

As the political races are getting into high gear I thought I’d come out with one of my most important political statements. I AM PRO CHOICE. No, not in the political hot potato sense of the phrase. My personal, political and religious beliefs aren’t fervent enough to hold up to public scrutiny. But I AM PRO CHOICE. Here is the choice that I want: 

When I walk into a public restroom, I would like the opportunity to choose if I want to dry my hands with a paper towel, or if I want to stand there like a dope rubbing my hands together under the pathetically underpowered air dryer. Whose hands do these things actually dry? Don’t we all just end up wiping our hands on our pants as we walk out anyway? If you actually want your hands dried by these machines you’d have to stand there long enough that anyone you came with would probably think you had escaped out of the bathroom window. If you actually use a hand dryer to full effect everytime you use a public restroom you’ll probably waste hours of your life each year and in the long run waste a significant portion of your finite time on Earth rubbing your hands together under what amounts to nothing more than the same breeze you’d get if you just walked around waving your hands in the air. The air dryers are fine for anyone who wants to save trees, but I resent the places that have made the choice for you and don’t provide any type of paper towels at all, forcing you to use the hand dryer, or worse yet, trying to dry your wet hands with toilet paper that will only tear and stick all over your hands. In fact, I feel so strongly about this that if a restaurant actually posted a sign saying that they add 50 cents to every bill to cover the cost of planting trees to replace the trees cut down to make the paper towels in their restroom I would patronize that restaurant for every meal. 

When I become President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law….

If you want to support my Presidential campaign and have more time in your life you can subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle, click the Facebook “Like” button below, and follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor.

 

8 responses to “I Am Pro-Choice! (It’s not what you think)

  1. In the absence of adequate hand-drying devices, women use their hair. Not as gross as rubbing your newly cleaned hands on your pants, but true.

  2. @Chris… you mean women dry their hands on their hair? I've never considered that. Probably because I try not to introduce moisture to my prone-to-frizz hair. Interesting.

    Have you seen the new super duper quick hand drying machines? I love those things.

  3. @ExtraO: yep, my friends do it, too. When there is nothing else that will do, the hair is just… long, and handy 🙂

    I'm with you on the super duper machines. Me like.

  4. Funnily enough, devotees of the “Hitch hiker's guide to the galaxy” never encounter this problem 🙂 (if you have not read the book, that's because true galactic hitch hikers always carry a towel).

  5. Wow! Four comments in 24 hours. I guess I really hit a hot button issue.

  6. And yes, ExtraO, I love those new machines. If everywhere had them this post would be obsolete.

  7. I actually hate the choice. I feel like people are judging me if I choose the paper towels and mad if I'm standing under the dryer.

    But the new high powered dryers are terrific. When your voted President or Sexiest Man Alive, which ever comes first, please make those mandatory.

  8. Thanks Berly! Anything for your vote. In fact when I do, I'll name it Berly's Law.

Leave a Reply to ExtraO Cancel reply