Daylight Stupid Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. Not all of the other countries do this, and not all of the states in the U.S. abide by it either. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Daylight Savings Time is when we move our clocks forward an hour in the spring and move them back an hour in the fall. I think it was created about 100 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we are all stuck changing time.

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about 6 or 7 years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended Daylight Savings Time by a few weeks on either end. First off, why isn’t it called Daylight Spending Time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers, except the creepy Amish ones, (I can say that because they’re not reading my blog) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 100 years ago. Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my damn clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress is again proving to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

In the spring Yahoo posted an article titled “Daylight Savings Time Health Risks” http://shine.yahoo.com/getup/daylight-saving-time-health-risks-231500229.html If you need this information you’re an idiot. If you choose to read this article please refer to the last sentence before this one. Apparently the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks. Yeah, so where’s the problem? That sounds like natural selection at work!

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change.

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