The Top Ten Benefits to Being Edward Snowden

10. I’ve been busting my ass writing #ThePhilFactor for 8 years and publishing my own books. Snowden lets a couple secrets out of the bag and I’ll bet he’s already got a lucrative book deal lined up.

9. You know how you can save 15% or more on your car insurance with Geico? Eddie always gets the more.

8. Apparently Team Edward wins.

7. He gets to watch The Terminal but with Russian subtitles.

6.  According to NBC World News there’s a TGI Fridays and an Irish pub at the Moscow airport. Free wifi too! Are you kidding me? That’s my dream come true. I’d never leave there. I wish I had some secrets to spill.

5. Apparently Edward Snowden has only had one picture taken of him in his entire life. This is his baby picture.

4. Edward Snowden’s girlfriend:

Seriously, how does Eddie score a chick like this? I bet he used his e-mail and cell phone surveillance tools to get some dirt on her. But what’s the deal with the sea turtle? She looks a little crazy to me.

3. Free security pats downs as often as he wants!

2. Chicks totally dig a bad boy. Two weeks ago he was just a computer nerd but now he’s an international fugitive! If things don’t work out with ‘crazy sea turtle girl’ and she doesn’t stab him in his sleep, he’ll have dates lined up around the block for years to come.

Drum roll please…and the number one benefit to being Edward Snowden is:

1. He gets featured on my blog on the day that I’m launching my new book Fifty Shades of Phil! Seriously, where else is he going to get that kind of free publicity?

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below, and check out my humorous books. Especially today buy my hilarious book Fifty Shades of Phil for only $2.99.  Even if it’s only for one day I want to out rank every Chelsea Handler book in the Amazon rankings. I hate her.