My Top Ten New Years Resolutions

10.  Punch Edward Snowden in the nose: Because of him the government & NSA are going to change their technology monitoring policies in 2014. Well guess what? I fly to & from somewhere about four times a year. I don’t like the idea that the NSA is less likely to catch some terrorists plans.  Thanks #EdwardSnowden

9.  Go to Bobfest: My friend Bob, of the band Slurp Deluxe, has thrown a big party at his house every August for over twenty years. They send out about 200 invitations. It starts at 2:00 on a Saturday afternoon and ends whenever. I went the first 5 years or so and I’d do a stand up set and sing a song with the band. When Bob moved further away, making my drive there about eight hours, I stopped going. Since I started writing books, Bob, his family, and some of his friends have been my best supporters. In fact, if you read The Sneaker Tree, my inclusion of the character names Bolo and Scott is a shout out to Bob and his brother. I’d like to go and thank everyone personally.

8. Make more crop circles: Who doesn’t love crop circles like this one that just showed up in a field in California yesterday? If you see a mysterious crop circle show up somewhere in 2014 I want everyone to think one thing…Phil

7.  Take more ‘selfies’: 2013 was The Year of Me.  Not me Phil, but me everybody and the selfie is the symptom. Kik, Snapchat, Instagram are all just different ways to take more selfies. As a society could we be anymore ego-centric? Then again, I guess it’s not a new thing. The cave paintings were just pre-historic selfies. Maybe I’ll take selfies of the crop circles I make that look like my head.

6. Have a crazy meltdown/fiasco: All the celebrities are doing it and they seem to get rewarded with more fame. Unfortunately, the most public stage on which I have to put my meltdown on display is this blog. Once I figure out how to embarrass myself publicly, you’ll be the first to know.

5. Live: It may not sound like much, but at the beginning of each year I set a goal to still be alive at the end of that year. I think it’s important to clearly state that as an expectation just in case there is real karma or other forces in the universe that might be omnipotent and influential. I’ve got a great streak going and I have no plans to end it in 2014.

4. Start my New Years Resolution list earlier: Had I started working on this much sooner that 6:00 a.m. today, like maybe a day or two ago, I’m sure this would be far more entertaining. Thanks for sticking with me this long. I’m hoping my top 3 will be better than this one.

3. An end to all reality TV: Whether it be by my election as President, Pope, or Sexiest Man Alive, or just through a popular, shared blog post I want to bring an end to idiotic reality TV shows. I’m not sure it’s possible to dumb down our society any more. Yeah, I know that if I don’t like something I don’t have to watch it, but shows that don’t feature stupid people in captivity are getting fewer and fewer.

2.  I will not “pay it forward” with coffee. Great everybody, it’s a nice sentiment to pay for the coffee of the person in the car behind you, but how about paying it forward by donating that money to a charitable organization instead of to a soccer mom getting her Starbucks fix?

1. 2014: The Year of Engagement: Like I said, 2013 has been The Year of Me for all of us. Selfies, blogs, reality TV are all just ways people draw attention to themselves. I want 2014 to be The Year of Engagement for me. I’m not getting married, I want to engage more with others. I’m going to try to end each blog post with a question and ask more questions on my Facebook page instead of just force feeding people their daily dose of Phil.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share by the Facebook or Twitter buttons below or by reblogging. Like I said, I’m ending on a question. In the comments, what is your most important personal resolution for 2014?