When I’m Elected President or Sexiest Man Alive… Mail from the Amish

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law outlawing mail-in rebates.

Mail-in rebates are the most idiotic marketing ploy ever devised. Yes, I know they work because most of you dolts buy things with the sincere intention of mailing in that form to get money back but when push comes to shove (what does that even mean?) maybe a third of you actually fill out the form, put it in an envelope, affix a postage stamp to it and then take it out to your mailbox or drive it to the post office.

I actually have to drive to the post office because I never have stamps on hand. Seriously, who does? Mailing actual pieces of paper is something my grandparents used to do. And the Amish. I’m pretty sure they’re still mailing stuff. Actually, no I’m not sure. I’ve never gotten any mail from the Amish, have you? And why do we call them the Amish?

Anywho, my law outlawing mail-in rebates will mandate that companies just need to let us buy the stuff at a price that equals whatever the cost would be after a mail-in rebate. By the time you add up the cost of paper, stamps, driving to the post office and the time, people and gas the postal service uses to deliver said rebate form and then the check back to you, getting $2.00 off your 12 pack of toilet paper costs the world as a whole four hundred dollars!

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share by one of the social media buttons below. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil