Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. If I wasn’t a full grown adult I’d dress up and go Trick or Treating. I do have some pet peeves though about people who don’t share my love of this holiday.
10. “Fun Size” candy: There is nothing fun about a candy bar so small that it wouldn’t give a sugar rush to a hummingbird. For cripes sake! It’s once a year, you can splurge for the good stuff.
9. Turning Out Your Lights: Are you the house that turns out your lights and hides in a back room pretending you’re not home? We hate you and we deserve to have your house egged.
8. Making it about religion: Lighten up Francis! (If you know what movie that quote came from put your answer in the comments) The kids aren’t worshiping Satan, they’re worshiping a sugar buzz. Once someone in my neighborhood was handing out popcorn balls with religious notes attached to them. If I knew who it was I’d have called the police.
7. Handing out popcorn balls or apples or pencils or McDonald’s coupons. When I was a kid we were told never to take the apples because there might be a razor blade in them. Now the health food nuts are giving them out like candy.
6. Not having Halloween in your neighborhood: I hate when groups of parents decide they’ll have a neighborhood party or that the kids will trick or treat at the local shopping mall. Geez! How did these people grow up and at what age did the demon suck out their souls? Theirs are the kids who will rebel later and get arrested for egging houses or putting flaming bags of poop on someone’s front porch.
5. Not allowing re-visits: If a kid has the endurance and initiative to make a second lap around the neighborhood, more power to them! They’re getting exercise. If they have a different costume second time around I give bonus candy.
4. Adults who don’t dress up: If you don’t wear something Halloweeney to work next Friday or to answer your door for the kids that night then just click out of this page, close your browser and don’t ever come back.
3. Women who think men don’t respect the sexy Halloween costumes: Memo to ladies: Men hate cutesy couples costumes. Let us be Batman or an Army guy and you can be the Sexy Nurse, Sexy Zombie, Sexy Football Player, Slutty Pumpkin. (Btw, if you get the Slutty Pumpkin reference put it in the comments) Whatever. We don’t care. Just dress up and let your inner sexy self out.
2. People who don’t decorate their house: I want to start a neighborhood where over the top Halloween decorating is mandatory. If you don’t you have to move out immediately or the rest of the neighbors will egg and toilet paper your house every day until next Halloween.
1. The fixed Oct. 31st date: When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that Halloween will occur on the last Saturday of September regardless of the date. In September so there’s better weather for the kids to go out and on the last Saturday so we can all have parties, the kids can stay up late and we can all relax, sleep in and take down our decorations the next day.
As always if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Next week I may have a special guest Top Ten list from another author! Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
Agree on all points. Helicopter parents and health nazis are taking all the fun out of it! And fun-size should definitely be banned!
I’m coming to your house for Halloween!
Bwaha! Bring it on, buddy!
One of the best memories I have of Halloween is our neighbor who always made caramel apples for the kids. We all knew which house to go to first. Never a thought about a razor blade. Today, we’re lucky if we see a dozen kids. I think you should start a campaign “Bring Back Halloween” Phil style!
If I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I shall do just that!
8 drives me crazy, I would amend 4 to “teens” rather than adults.
I know this is a top 10 list, so number 11 would be “Smarties as ‘candy’.”
I’m afraid I’ll have to respectfully disagree. I L-O-V-E putting an entire roll of Smarties in my mouth at once. Send all your Smarties to me.
Yep, hate the people who refuse to open the door for the kids. I have to say though, after hearing ‘what is it Halloween’ for a good part of my life due to my unusual clothing choices, I don’t dress up anymore. Everyday is Halloween for me. BTW, took your advice about horror themed blogs every day until Halloween, see yesterday’s post where you actually got an honorable mention in my blog.
It doesn’t surprise me that your fashion choices were always creative. You should keep it up at your current job.
Believe me, I do! thank goodness there are no dress restrictions here. Once, I borrowed my mother’s black cardigan and happened to put it on before going to work…I just threw it on because it was chilly. Before leaving the house my daughter said to me, “Wow mommy, you look like a real employee!”
I love Halloween! My husband loves Halloween! My almost-4-year old loves Halloween! The best part about being a parent at Halloween, is the candy tax. My parents (mostly my dad) always chose what they wanted from our haul before they let us trade with each other. Now, it’s my turn. Heeheehee.
LOL Love the candy tax idea!
It makes sense, especially if you are taking them trick-or-treating. Sore feet, hyper kids who won’t go to sleep. You deserve it.
I’m going to be the one dissenter in the group.
Yes, I’m home – with the lights on – with handfuls of chocolate and licorice for every one of the 10-or-so trick-or-treaters who show up at my door.
… but I don’t ‘get’ Hallowe’en. Never have – even as a kid. I think I’m missing the Hallowe’en gene.
All I can say, is the best part of Hallowe’en is the Bette Midler & Sarah Jessica Parker movie Hocus Pocus. It is a favourite that has reached cult status in our family.
Well I’m glad you participate and have something about the holiday you love. Doesn’t the movie make you want to dress up as a witch for Hallowe’en?
Only if I can look like Sarah Jessica Parker 🙂
Slutty Pumpkin — HIMYM — WORST ENDING EVER.
P.s. LOVE this list.
Tempest you are my new best friend for getting the HIMYM reference. Unfortunately now that your my best friend we may have to break up because you didn’t like the end. It would be a fun debate over a beer.
Ugh I just hated that the WHOLE last season was about one thing and that one thing had nothing to do with the end (I’m trying not to give spoilers for those who haven’t seen it, haha). (Beer + debate sounds much better than trying to slyly not give anything away via internet.)
Admittedly I wasn’t thrilled with everything in the last two seasons but I loved the show and I think they nailed the last episode.
UH….well…We’re more or less boycotting trick-or-treating this year. We don’t love it. We’ve got four kids and we’re sick of it. It’s a wildly unpopular choice, but we’re going to stay home (with the light on and the treat bowl for others, even second passers) where we’ll watch scary movies and eat candies.
Next year, maybe we’ll return to trick-or-treating, but we both hate Halloween. We’d thought by now the children would have outgrown it as we did, and their older siblings did, but they haven’t, and we’re quite sad. Must be a recessive gene…mutant children…what a nightmare.
All children are mutants! At least you do have some things you like about the holiday. You may be sick of it now but you’ll miss it when they’re older!
I WILL NOT.
Clearly you didn’t read my blog entitled “Don’t Be Ridiculous.”
I’m going to stop my work for a few minutes and go read that now.
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Tempest answered about the Slutty Pumpkin before I could and I really did know the reference and I agree the ending was bad – I don’t know about the worst one ever.
Lighten up Francis – an oldie but goodie – Stripes. Love Bill Murray. RIP Harold Ramis.