This is it. Mano a mano. Kim Kardashian versus #ThePhilFactor. Or rather it’s Kim Kardashian’s big bulbous butt versus my big bulbous sense of humor. Kim thought her racy pictures in PaperMag would #BreakTheInternet but she was sadly mistaken. If anybody breaks the internet it’s going to be me. Kim wanted to break it with her butt, but I’m going to break it by being an ass.
Yeah, Kim and I used to be an item way back when we were young. I was actually the first rung on her celebrity ladder. The fame and popularity of my books and The Phil Factor drew her to me. I should have known it wouldn’t last. The picture above is of us at a New Jersey Nets game. I thought she seemed just a little too eager to visit the locker room after the game. I should have known better.
Kim’s latest stunt, trying to “break the internet” by allowing the website for a little known magazine to post nude shots of her wasn’t even her or their idea. Check out this picture of myself I posted on The Phil Factor back in 2005 when Kim and I were dating.
Look familiar? I’m pretty sure she photoshopped her head into this picture and gave it to that magazine. I’ve never shown my backside on The Phil Factor, but I’ve got glutes women would kill for. No one has yet but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
Speaking of women killing for a great butt, I saw another item on the interwebs this week that caught my attention. What if you want the perfect body for lounging on the beach during your vacation but you don’t have the time to work out? Apparently there is now an answer to that. You can get “vacation boobs.” As a guy, I love the sound of that. What it really means though is that a New York city cosmetic surgeon has developed a process where he injects saline solution directly into the breasts to inflate them for anywhere from 24 hours to two weeks. The bodily gradually absorbs the saline and the boobs shrink back to their normal size. Apparently they’re also developing a process for butts and men’s calves and pecs. Seriously ladies, when you go to the beach have you ever checked out a guys calves? I’m not even sure I have calves. I’ve never looked. And if you are single and you invest in vacation boobs or pecs and you meet someone on vacation, how do you explain the change in your body later?
Also, in another demonstration of idiocy on the world wide web this week, Katy Perry’s boyfriend DJ Diplo (it should be Dipshit if you ask me) caused waves when he tweeted that “somebody should start a Kickstarter to get Taylor Swift a booty.” Dude, what is your problem? What has Taylor Swift ever done to you? How about you worry about your own girlfriend’s booty? If I’m Katy Perry I’m kicking this guy to the curb for paying attention to Taylor Swift’s booty. If Taylor Swift is worried about this she could invest in a vacation booty. Somehow though I doubt that Taylor Swift and her billions of dollars are worrying about a tweet by that loser. Katy, you could do so much better.
I could not believe how much stupidity populated the internet this week. I’m not a celeb follower but all this stupid “news” was unavoidable. But alas the internet did not break. So why don’t we break the internet? You and me. If everyone who reads this shares it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter and re-blog buttons below it will spread far and wide until it is the only thing on the internet. I posted this at 6:40 this morning. If you’re reading it, the internet isn’t broken yet. Get clicking! C’mon, help #The Phil Factor #BreakTheInternet.
Have a great weekend! ~Phil
OK, coffee down, it’s Phil in the morning.
Your wonderful big bulbous sense of humor will long outlive “her” (I cannot bear to utter the name) fame. Calves have never been of particular interest on the beach, although I do like shoulders, fyi…..and now vacation boobs? “Decline of the Roman Empire” springs to mind for some reason. A stupendous post, Phil!
Thanks Barbara! I agree. Today’s post kind of summarizes the downfall of civilization.
Dear Phil, I will help you break the internet. You with your witty blog, jokes and pokes makes for good reading. For the record, I would rather eat glass than look at picture’s of Kim Kardashian’s ass. Just sayin….
Well thanks for your help breaking the internet! For the record I don’t care about anybody’s but butt unless it gets people to read my blog.
bwhahaha!
It’s the Oprah/Ann-Margret photoshop scandal all over again…
Yup! I’m considering my legal options.
Reblogged this on Words and other such dilemmas and commented:
Vacation boobs!! What will they think of next?
Another story of someone else
Making a fool of themselves
Whether or not we break the internet
I’m logging off, I’m sick of it
But back on I just may log
If only to read Phil Taylor’s blog.
Thanks Marissa! Your blog is the only reason I have internet.
Regarding the Taylor Swift/ Katy Perry saga…. Apparently a few weeks ago Taylor made some negative comments about a fellow female singer being rude or undermining her tour, don’t remember all the details but word on the street is that she was referring to Katy Perry. So in defense of Katy’s stupid stupid beau he may have been being chivalrous and defending his women in a twisted Hollywood social media kind of way!
Living in Southern California, our “news” is all about which “celebrity” did what. It’s hard to find actual news at times.
You mean there’s other things going on in SoCal?
Yep. Traffic.
Your hilarious Phil…LOL
Thank you Dawn!
Maybe WordPress as a whole could just break the internet.
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HAHAHA! that picture cracked me up!
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