The Oscars are this Sunday. I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll hear my name called. If not, I’ll award myself an Everyday Oscar as I first did when I wrote this post in February of 2011.
Well, it’s happened again. I was passed over. Not a single Oscar nomination. The whole process is completely biased against people like me. Ok, I know that there aren’t really other people like me, but that does not excuse the Hollywood establishments prejudice against me. The Oscars have been handed out longer than I’ve been alive, but not once have I been awarded a gold, phallic statuette. Just because I’m not some kiss-ass Hollywood insider who’s made a movie in the past year, they completely overlook my accomplishments!
It is because of this snub that I refuse to attend the awards ceremony. I do have Oscar-worthy acting talent. So do many of you. Just because our skills don’t appear on the big screen doesn’t mean our talents should go unappreciated! To recognize the acting achievements of everyone like me, I hereby introduce The First Annual Everyday Oscar Awards! I imagine the awards ceremony will go something like this:
MC Phil: “The Everyday Oscar for Best Performance in The Workplace goes to… (fumbling with envelope)… Mark Bingham for his role in “The Overdue Report!” (video clip begins to roll on the monitor).
Mark: “Yes Mr. Whalen, I knew that report was due this morning. I was about to forward it to you when I got the call that my grandmother, the woman who raised me after my parents died, was in a car accident.”
Mr. Whalen: “Is that a Hooters napkin sticking out of your pocket?”
Mark: “Yes it is, sir. The hospital needed two quarts of my blood for the transfusion. They said I should drink lots fluids for the rest of the day. I got a little woozy driving back to the office and I had to pull over.”
MC Phil: “That always brings a tear to my eye. Next up, the Everyday Oscar for Best Relationship Saving Performance goes to… Susan Reynolds for her fantastic performance in “Whose Boxers Are These?” (video clip begins to roll).
Boyfriend: “Heather, I just found these boxer shorts under your side of the bed! They’re not mine! Whose are they?”
Susan: “Awww! You ruined the surprise! I bought them for you, but I got so turned on at the thought of you in them, that I put them on myself and wore them around for a day. Would you like to see me in them?”
Boyfriend: “Are these your skid marks?”
Susan: “Umm…yeah?”
As always, if you get a little laugh out of #ThePhilFactor please share by Facebook, Twitter or reblogging. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil
Well done! I myself was the star of a drama called, “STOP STEALING MY CLOTHES!”
I think all parents are starring in that drama!
And the award for best actor
Goes to Phil for the Phil Factor
Or maybe that racy sequel
Called “50 Shades of Phil”
For the routine things we continue doing day after day, for the exceptional things we achieve on each single day, for the patience we show by tolerating insults and snubs coming our way, the thoughts and acts of self-less compassion which hold us in sway, an Oscar a day would be a weak cloud-hidden sun’s mere ray!
LOL. Really LOL.
Thanks Outlier Babe. Nice to see you back. It’s been awhile!
Thank you, Phil. Extremely nice to be back. I’ve missed out on a lot of laughs.