This is my quarterly “Fun with Search Terms” post where I highlight the stupidest search terms that brought someone to my blog. If you come from outside the blog world to read this, I’ll explain. Those of us that operate a blog get all sorts of information about things, like how many people read our blog each day, what countries they come from, how they got to us, ie from Facebook, Twitter or Google, and we get to see the idiotic search terms they typed into Google that brought them to us. Trust me Hillary, feel free to show the world your secret e-mails. They can’t be more embarrassing than what some people have searched for.
10. Kittens in snow talking: Who is leaving their kittens outside in the snow? I am calling the SPCA. Bring those kittens inside! Of course this brought people to my blog. Aren’t I always writing about kittens?
9. First man alive: I’m not saying if I am or I’m not, but my blog has been around for ten years, so I may have been the first man blogging.
8. High Santa on weed: Instead of milk and cookies I leave Santa pot brownies.
7. Kimberly Taylor boobs: As you may have noticed, I almost never talk about family on The Phil Factor. I will neither confirm nor deny if I am related to Kimberly Taylor or her boobs.
6. Is there an I hate Oprah website? I have been proud of many accomplishments in my life. The fact that Google decided my blog was the answer to this question supersedes all previous accomplishments.
5. Meerkat butts: Well who doesn’t love a tight little meerkat butt? They’re so cute.
4. Things that have happened on a Tuesday: That’s right, if it happens on a Tuesday you’ll find it documented here.
3. All nude perfect skinny ass backward nice: You know how in America every Chinese restaurant is named something like Grand Super China Incredible Dragon Buffet? This search term is like that but as if someone with English as a second language was looking for a strip club. And yes, my skinny ass looks backward nice.
2. Horniestintheland.com: Go on, put that search term into Google. I’m not daring you. I insist that you do it. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Open a tab, put in Google.com, type horniestintheland.com. The first two search results are to The Phil Factor, right? Now try this: click “images” at the top of the Google page. It’s all pictures that have been on The Phil Factor! Google has officially decided that I am HorniestInTheLand! Should I add that to my LinkedIn profile?
1. Real sexting conversations to read in hindi: In just the last 30 days alone 53 people have used this search term and found my blog. Something strange regarding sexting in Hindi happened somewhere in the world. Either that, or I’m secretly embedding Hindi sexual innuendo in my blog posts. Only my Hindi friends will really know.
There you have it. My quarterly proof that there are certain people that probably shouldn’t be allowed to vote or operate a motor vehicle. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. The more times my nonsense gets shared the more ridiculous the Google search results will become. Have a great weekend! ~Phil
That’s it… I give up. I can never hope to come close to this level of excellence, so there is no point in continuing my blog. [delete delete delete]
First of all Pollyanna, your blog already exceeds my level of excellence, so please don’t delete, but thank you for the compliment.
shhhh! I’m trying to get your readers to click on my blog to see if it’s still there! Don’t tell!
Your secret is safe with me!
You go on and add that to your LinkedIn profile while I delete it from my browsing history! Wtf!
So much awesomeness in one blog….I don’t know…
I’m going to start paying attention to this now on my own blog. Funny stuff, Phil.
I don’t know why you are so bent
On being sexiest man alive and president
It is now the time to revel
In being taken to a whole new level
The I Hate Oprah thing is grand
And you are now Horniest in the Land!!
I’m pretty sure I’ve always been Horniest in the Land, I’ve just never gotten the recognition I deserve.
Yes, I know, I’ve actually seen that one in your posts before…all for the sake of the poem though!
Horniest in the Land is going to be the title of my next humor essay book.
I can’t wait to read it!
The bundled up kitty is so cute and I am sorry but I side with Hillary, sometimes our emails should not have to be public. Unfortunately, politicians and her past leads people to think of possible dishonesty. Having had an unfaithful husband who I forgave for awhile, I relate to her life and choices.
Haha brilliant. I love checking my search terms. It’s funny and scary both at the same time
It’s really funny to go through the list. It’s just mind boggling what some people look up. Of course I’ve put in some pretty weird search terms doing “research” for my blog.
I swear a lot in my blog. There’s a near continuous stream of f-bombs, so you can imagine the kind of searches that point at my posts.
You can also imagine how disappointed the searchers must me when they get there and it’s just me, howling in rage about public transport in the UK 😀
Yeah, I imagine the same thing, that a lot of these searchers are sadly disappointed when Google brings them to my blog.
By the way, it’s nice to meet you!
And you too Sir *curtsey*
I do love my U.K. peeps!
#3 is soooo good, I nearly choked on my coffee, Phil! All New Super Garden Smiles Best Happiest Dragon Chinese Buffet — I swear they’re everywhere. We go to Foon Ying, maybe because two syllables and no buffet 😉
Reblogged this on kzzinsky and commented:
Strikes a chord 🙂
Amazing, there is NOTHING like that in my search engine terms 🙂
LOL , then you must be attracting a higher class of readers than I am.
I am beyond speech 😉
I think I might have search engine envy.
I’m laughing so hard, the neighbors may complain.
Thanks Jillian! Nice to meet you!
Just shows how well SEO follows logic. Funny post.
Thanks John!