10. Man on the moon: I’m sure they may have heard about this from a tourist by now, but do you think they really believe it? Seriously, they’re still having a hard time coming to grips with the internal combustion engine.
9. Swipe left or right? What’s the Amish version of Tinder? If there was one it might be easier not to marry your cousin. I’m sure they’ve seen us with our cell phones, but imagining apps has got to be beyond them. Whenever I’m around the Amish I aim my cell phone at them, play a Rob Zombie song and tell them I’m stealing their soul.
8. Thongs: What are Amish undergarments made of, burlap?
7. ATM’s: Where do they get money when they need it? (Besides charging us $250 for an Adirondack chair)
6. Birth Control: Then again, maybe they ignore this on purpose. The more kids they have the more hands to work the farm.
5. The Kardashians: The Amish don’t know who they are! This is the one instance that I’m envious of them. I wonder if there’s an Amish equivalent to the Kardashians? That might be the family with the most cows who lets them graze in the front yard and shows off their shiny, new buggy every year.
4. Hot Pockets and Doritos: An Amish hot pocket is a practical joke where you sneak up behind someone and drop a fresh, steaming cow patty in their pocket. That always gets a laugh at the barn raising.
3. Gangnam Style: My soul weeps for them because they missed this.
2. My blog: I read the stats and comments every day. Not once have I gotten a view from the Amish. Jerks.
1. Justin Bieber: The Amish are avowed pacifists. They won’t fight. They’re not aggressive at all, yet I think that if Justin Bieber moved into their neighborhood they would very aggressively kick the crap out of him.
That’s my list. How about you? What do you think are some of the more surprising things that the Amish may not be aware of? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil