(10/26/14) If you’ve read Fifty Shades of Phil or remember this post from 2011, (Read it, it’s hilarious) you know that I have the utmost respect for the Mormon faith and how they market their religion to the masses. Typically they and Mitt Romney are pretty slick when it comes to showcasing themselves. This past week however, in an effort to diffuse rumors and “normalize” one aspect of their religion their marketing department made what I believe is a colossal mistake that will cost them followers and possibly cost Mitt Romney the Presidency in 2016.
That picture above was revealed this past week with the intent of de-mystifying the rumors outside of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that they have “magic underwear.” (Frankly, they’d have to be magic for me and my lady to feel like getting jiggy with it while wearing those.) They even released a four minute video on Youtube explaining that their temple undergarments are not any different than the Catholic Priest’s cassock, or a Buddhist Monk’s robe.
When I hear the phrase “magic underwear” I think thongs and banana hammocks. Deciding to de-mystify their religion is where they went wrong. Seriously, if the masses believed that they have magic underwear, how many people would sign up for their religion just for that? Or what if the Mormon’s struck a deal with J.K. Rowling and had some sort of marketing campaign titled “Harry Potter and the Magic Underwear“? (Yes, I realize that now that I posted that phrase online some porn company somewhere is already shooting scenes. Just give me credit in the credits please.)
Yeah, Zombie Mitt Romney just because who doesn’t love zombies? What if Mitt Romney ran for President by promising magic underwear for everyone? Or what if he implied that by wearing magic underwear he could defeat ISIL and cure Ebola? How could he not just roll to victory, right? If I were him I’d show up for debates wearing the Mormon temple garments on the outside of his clothes. I’d vote for him just for having the balls to do that.
See Mormon marketing department? You’re doing it all wrong. You don’t want to normalize your religion. You want to make it different and cool so people will want to join. Maybe get a commercial spokesperson like Justin Timberlake to make you guys seem like the in crowd. If you could get him to do that “D___ in a Box” skit wearing your temple garments? Imagine the possibilities!
In all sincerity, I apologize if I’ve offended anyone of the Mormon faith. That was not my intent. If you can’t laugh at yourselves life is going to be pretty rough. Also in advance, Facebook, thanks for not allowing the picture of Mitt Romney to be used as the header for this post because you deem it too scary. Jerks.
As always, if you got a laugh from The Phil Factor please share it with your friends by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil