It’s that time again. Next week People Magazine will name their Sexiest Man Alive. Last year I was oh so close. I’m hoping this is my year. Here is what I wrote about it last year.
(11/20/14) Yes, it was a small crumb of acknowledgement yesterday when People Magazine named me Sexiest Blogger Alive. I’ll take it, but I’m not happy about it. That’s like being named the second smartest Kardashian. I wanted the big award. I wanted Sexiest Man Alive, but again, People overlooked me for a far inferior candidate.
Chris Hemsworth?!!? Are you kidding me People Magazine? I’m not even sure if he’s Captain America, Thor or The Hunger Games! And he’s Australian! Australia has their own People Magazine and they didn’t name him their Sexiest Man Alive. If he can’t win an award in his own country then why should we give him our awards? If he was any good at acting shouldn’t Kangaroo Barbecue Magazine named him Sexiest Bloke in The Outback or some such nonsense?
aceshowbiz.com
That’s it. That’s the best picture of Chris Hemsworth that I could find on the internet. There weren’t really that many to be honest with you. Kinda makes me wonder how popular this guy really is. There’s also one more thing I wonder about him. In his family there are three brothers: Liam, Luke, and Chris. Do you see a problem there? I do. His brothers names both start with the letter L. Chris’ name does not. It very clearly starts with the letter C. Suspicious don’t you think?
All the other sibling names start the same, but his is different, making me think that he might be different; perhaps adopted and already had the name so they didn’t change it. If he’s adopted, that means he could be the son of anyone in the world, including Osama Bin Laden. Or worse yet, he might be a Bieber, Lohan or Kardashian! Maybe his name is really Kris Kardashian.
This is what the People Magazine cover should have looked like. I could have and would have volunteered to write my own profile for them. Did Chris do that? I doubt it. In fact we have no proof that he can write. Have you read his blog or any of his books? Of course not! He doesn’t have any blogs or books. He’s a total illiterate as far as I can tell!
So People named an illiterate, girl haired, possible son of Bin Laden their Sexiest Man Alive over me. This is wrong in so many ways. Excuse me, I think I need a moment. If you didn’t click on the links for Sexiest Blogger Alive and Kangaroo Barbecue Magazine you probably should.
As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share (with People Magazine) by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil
hahahah you funny!
Pigpool demands a recount. He should have won by a landslide.
Pigpool over me?!!? I’m not sure you and I can be friends anymore.
Fine, I’ll just quit blogging then!
😉
Oh no! If you do that how will I stalk you?
Yes I just don’t understand
How he could be sexiest man
and I find it all so suspicious
And just a bit surreptitious
So it gives a funny smell
To know his name doesn’t start with an L
Almost like a Kardashian
Whose name is Lori, Leah or Lynn.
You are too good! Your talents are wasted here.
Thanks Phil! Where do you think I should waste them next?
In a book that you publish!
There are a lot of bad poets online, but you’re not one of them.
Right, classify me with the mediocre ones, ha, ha!
🙂 🙂 🙂
Have no Earthly idea why they didn’t name you.
You were robbed!
I know, right?
Hey! Who you calling an idiot! You asked us to follow those flippin’ links.
“Girl-haired”?
🙄
The illiterate bit cracked me up. But who says you have to be literate to be sexy? I bet most dumb, illiterate women don’t care about how many words you can read. Let’s ask one:
“Miss! Miss! Excuse me, Miss…Do you think this ape over here who just came from his workout is sexy? Yes–this one:
Sir, what’s your name? Your name, sir–that’s the thing that most people call you when they want you to turn around.”
“Dummy.”
“Um, sir, I don’t think that’s your name. What does your mommy call you?”
“Precious.”
“Of course. What about your dad?”
“Useless.”
“Miss, let’s just call this dude David. David, meet–let’s says ‘Cindi’. Cindi, do find David sexy?”
“Big time!”
There you have it, Phil. Entirely objective, scientific proof that 98% of American women don’t care about literacy when it comes to sexiness in men.
I think your estimate of 98% is a little high.