When I was thinking of what to write about today, my two ideas were the massive Powerball lottery that has been big news in the States for the past two weeks, or the recent deaths of four talented individuals who left this mortal sphere a better place than they found it. Also I thought of the title above and thought, “If people are Googling for the two most searched topics of the past week, this title is going to pull a ton or readers to my blog!”
You’re probably be thinking, “What the hell is he talking about? Death is like winning the lottery? Idiot.” Those of you that know me well are hopefully thinking, “I want to see how he ties this all together.” You, I like. That first “Idiot” group, not so much.
Death has always been the bane of my existence. It’s not that I’ve been around it any more than anyone else, but I hate it. I would like very much to avoid it at all costs. Yet at the same time, it fascinates me. What if it really is a portal to another plane of existence? Could I live a whole other life as a ghost? Is there a heaven and hell?
The Powerball lottery reached $1.5 billion American dollars this past week. I had the thought that if I won that fantastic sum I would use it to do every thing I could to make my body so healthy that I would live as long as is humanly possible and then I’d live some more. I’d quit my job and devote myself to daily workout routines and I’d hire two nutritionist/dietitians to guide my eating every day. I’d need two, so they could work in shifts, one from 7:00 a.m. until 3:00 pm and the second from 3:00 until I go to bed. I know myself. I need that kind of babysitting when it comes to what I eat. If this scenario ever does happen, shortly thereafter McDonald’s will remove McNuggets from their menu because of a sudden and inexplicable massive drop in sales of them.
The past two and a half weeks have reminded me that money can probably buy you a lot of things, but a longer life isn’t one of them. Lemmy, Bowie, Rickman, Dan Haggerty, and Celine Dion’s husband were all men who had done well financially in life but that didn’t buy them any more time. So I got to thinking, if Grizzly Adams, Snape, and Ziggy Stardust can’t dodge the Grim Reaper, I probably can’t either.
You know how financial planners help you plan out how you’re going to have money to live on after you retire? I’ve decided to plan how I’m going to live after I die. I figure that if I create a kind of to-do list for the afterlife, it will seem less scary, and I’ll be more prepared than those that don’t think of these things. That’s why so many ghosts have a surprised look on their faces.
I’m going to do something now that I’ve never done. A “To be continued.” Come back tomorrow for my afterlife To-do list. I’m already 600 words in here with no logical end in sight, so, if I live until tomorrow, I’ll have a funny list of things I plan to do after I die. Boy, wouldn’t it be the most ironic thing ever if I died and never got to make that list? And this would turn out to be the last thing I wrote online? Talk about a powerful metaphor! I’m tempted to continue living but not write anything just so the two of you that actually think, “I’ll make a point to look for #ThePhilFactor tomorrow,” think that I really did die.
Have a great Saturday! I’ll see you tomorrow! ~Phil
With bated breath I’ll wait til Sunday,It promises now to be a fun day!
A very good rhyme, I’ll try to post to my blog on time
You pulled it off – Powerball and death linked together 🙂
I live by lists and I think a to-do list for the afterlife is brilliant. Yes, brilliant! I’ll be waiting … I might learn something 🙂
Brilliant? Wow, that’s a lot of pressure to plan brilliance for tomorrow.
It’s a tough job but someone has to do it … 😉
Having a post tomorrow is better than the alternative
Exactly!
What a splendid idea Phil a to-do list for the afterlife – procrastinator’s heaven! (I wonder if there might be one and how long it would take to get in ?)
Well Jane, let’s hope that it’s a long, long time before either of us has to worry about lines in the afterlife!
Absolutely Phil, that’s one I have no problem putting off as long as possible!
And if you died then in your lateness
Surely you would achieve greatness.
Well I REALLY hope to see you tomorrow!
Thanks Gypsy!
I have to give more thought to my post titles! I can’t wait to see what your afterlife plans are – however I hope it’s a realllllllly long time before you have the chance to try them out!
I’ve never noticed any problems with your titles, but I do out some thought into mine. And thank you for hoping I won’t need my afterlife to do list for a long time. I wholeheartedly agree with you!
I was thinking about the search engine results! 😜 like if I used One Direction in the title!
A couple years ago I used Bieber in the title and that got me a lot of views.
Ha! Brilliant!
Also hashtagging key words within the post will help search engines put your post in search results lists.
So Tuesday’s post on Canadian whiskey is going to be called: Canada: whiskey and Bieber, I know what I like better
Cool! Thanks for the preview. I’ll be staying in a hotel Tuesday so I’ll check your blog before I order at the bar.
Endless pecan pie made with brandy, and no weight gain. Spoonfuls of molasses. Hot pecan sundaes. Caramel apples.
Cookies. Cookies forever.
Your list will be funny, Phil. Mine has me wistful and yearning. Oh, wouldn’t it be so nice? Yet isn’t it funny my highest-priority items in my bodyless afterlife are pleasures which would require my body?
Think of never yearning for food or weight loss again! The afterlife does have its advantages!
“That’s why so many ghosts have a surprised look on their faces.” That line just made my day. Don’t die, because I want to read part 2!
Thanks Kim. I’m glad I made your day. I’m up early now working on it just so you can read part 2.
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