Don’t worry. I’ll save us all. According to some crazy ‘scientists’ and conspiracy theorists the world is going to end in about two to six weeks. It’s nice that they gave us a window isn’t it? Usually when crackpots are predicting our demise there’s a specific hard stop date. Now, because of the six week window we can procrastinate. For instance, right now I don’t own a single device with a working keyboard, so here I sit holding a tablet with one hand and typing away with on the virtual keyboard on the screen with one finger from the other hand. It’s super annoying. If I thought for a second that I’d have to do this for the next year or two, I would go right out and buy a new laptop. Since the world is going to end, why bother right? If in six or seven weeks we find out that the doomsayers were wrong, then I’ll deal with the situation.
Here’s how they say that the world is going to end this time: Apparently every twenty-six to twenty-seven million years the Earth has had an “extinction event”. Apparently we’re due for one in the next 2-6 weeks. An extinction “event”? That sounds like something that would be on pay per view doesn’t it? Some half-assed scientist from somewhere kind of implied that there’s another planet, Planet X or Planet 9 it’s being called, in our solar system whose orbit around the sun is so huge that it only comes close to Earth once every 26 or 27 million years. Don’t worry though, it’s not going to hit us though. The problem is that Planet X, in it’s extended orbit, passes through a meteor field and in doing so, it’s gravity pulls many of the meteors with it as it continues in it’s orbit. When Planet X is closest to Earth, we will get completely shelled into oblivion by the meteors.
So, the question is, if there is only 2-6 weeks left, what would you do? I don’t want to hear anyone say they wouldn’t pay bills or clean their house. And yes, of course you’d see family and friends. Get creative! This is the ultimate time to pull out that bucket list and get to work.
Me? What would I do? First I would attend a Donald Trump rally, walk up to him on the podium, and punch him in the nose. He’d appreciate that. He loves inciting violence. Then I want to travel to see the 7 wonders of the world, or at least the ones I haven’t seen yet. I’d skydive. Then, if we are going to be pummeled by meteors, I want to be sitting in a hot tub with a glass of wine when it happens.
I think the fact that I just put that Rick Springfield picture on my blog should be seen as a sign of the apocalypse. I know contemplating the end of the world is kind of a bummer, so I’ll give you your happy ending right now. It’s not going to happen. I guarantee it. In fact, I will take credit for it not happening. As a candidate for President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I vow to you, Phil Factor readers and denizens of planet Earth, that I will make sure the planet doesn’t end in 6 weeks. Will you get that guarantee from Donald, Hillary, or Matthew McConaughey? I doubt it.
So in the comments, what are you going to do in the nextbsix weeks just in case I’m wrong? Have a great Saturday (there might not be many more!) Phil
Punch Donald Trump in the nose? Oh, can I do it after you? In the next six weeks, I hope to get as many followers on my blog as you have on yours. Wish me luck! 😉
I can’t believe you don’t. You e been around a while.
Well, not 11 years like your good self. I think I’ve only been blogging for about 2 years. Happy Saturday!
Samdfbi, I got you started. You have 1 more!
(I didn’t see the reply button at first)
nbratscott….you are wearing a tutu in your profile picture. That is right up my street. Yeah.
I’m the one on the right.
I’d start a blog! I’ve been thinking about it. But I don’t have that much to say!!!
And samdfbi, I got you started. you have 1 more!
Oh my gosh so little time
For anything I could say in rhyme
The truth may be boring you see
But involve a very large shopping spree.
After three years I’m still amazed at your ability to rhyme in such short time!
No accounting for quality…
“It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine…”. Hmmmm, what would I do? Hop in the car and just go. Maybe hit some landmarks along the way (before the meteors do). 🙂
Well I reckon some of the things on my bucket list would be ticked off in an end-of-the-world event: tornadoes, volcanic eruptions and earthquake viewing. So I might just pull up a comfy chair and get my binoculars out! Of course, I’d want to go full Lara Croft and assume I could survive the apocalypse so a trip to a weapons store might be in order before heading to New Zealand and finding a hobbit hole to sit it out. As long as I don’t go all Melancholia (have you seen it? Lars Von Trier film – let’s just say… Hmmm…!)
No I haven’t seen Melancholia. Do you recommend it? Yes, I too assume I’d survive any apocalyptic event unless a meteor actual hit me in the head
Haha, no! If you know any of Lars’ work, you’ll know it’s very bizarre! Definitely not one to waste the last weeks of earth’s existence on!! They basically lay down in a field and watch the planet hurtle towards them whilst getting very drunk and depressed!
Sounds like fun. Do you see the Steve Carell/ Kiera Knightly movie about the end of the world? That was a little dark, but cute too
I want to say yes – I distinctly remember the trailer – might have to watch again, I’m sure I have seen it though!
Well Phil if we’re looking at what to do that means we don’t have to worry about the years of embarrassment it would have to be getting a tattoo of Captain Haddock while singing the Carpenters greatest hits live on TV
I don’t know who Captain Haddock is!
What! The man who introduced more oaths into English than anyone! Tintin faithful friend. Please don’t say you don’t know Tintin I will have to kill you
I Googled Tin Tin. I know now.
I would get a team together and try and save the world obv
Well obviously. I didn’t doubt that for a minute
But will you join my team – that’s the big question!
Of course! But only if we get cool nicknames
Ok, you can be… Phil The Force And Do It Anyway
I said cool nicknames
You be Goose and I’ll be Maverick
Ok deal!