(09/12/2015) That’s right. You can’t handle the truth. But the truth is that I know. I know beyond a reasonable doubt…
I was on a jury for a trial this past week. Shocking, right? Apparently they felt that my celebrity wouldn’t disrupt the trial proceedings too much. Actually, as the trial was going on, before the judge dismissed the jurors each evening he reminded us not to talk to anyone about the trial and not to share details of the trial on “social media such as Facebook, MySpace, or blogs.” I won’t give any specific information about the trial participants or charges here. I will however make fun of some aspects of the experience that I found humorous.
I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this, but I’m probably not like other people. For years now I’ve yearned to be on a jury. I came close once. This time however, I was chosen pretty quickly. When they called our names I was the second one and I literally had to restrain myself from fist bumping the woman next to me.
My joy was further extended when, in giving the chosen ones a talking to about the gravity and importance of our task, the judge became only the third adult I’ve ever heard to reference my favorite historical document, the Magna Carta. The first adult since my high school social studies teacher, Mr. Hampton, to reference it was me in my Nov. 2014 post Ten Useless Things We Learned in School. My excitement about my Magna Carta involvement was somewhat tempered when I found out that being a juror does not mean that we get to sign the Magna Carta.
But Phil, you’re saying, give us the details, the crime, the C.S.I evidence. We want the good stuff! First off, the real crime is that the Baha Men didn’t have more long term commercial success, and yes, that is related to the trial. I do feel fortunate however to have been witness to one of the greatest moments in legal history, fictional or otherwise. First, my favorite moments in legal history are:
1) In the 1947 classic Christmas movie Miracle on 34th Street, when Fred Gailey has the post office deliver the Dear Santa letters to Santa Claus in the courtroom. Genius! I want him as my lawyer.
2. From the 1992 movie A Few Good Men, the exchange between Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson that contains “You can’t handle the truth!”
3. From 1992’s My Cousin Vinny, “the two yutes…”
And now, for your consideration, I’d like to add the following to the list of greatest moments in legal history:
This is an actual exchange I witnessed in the courtroom between a cross examining defense attorney and a sworn under oath witness:
Attorney: So, you let the dogs out?
Witness: Yes.
When that happened, in my mind I pictured myself jumping up from my seat in the jury box and thrusting my fist skyward and “Yes! We finally know!” I didn’t do that, however I did look around at my fellow jurors to see if anyone else was trying to suppress a smirk. And nobody was. Then, the next day during deliberations I requested that the court transcriptionist read back a section of testimony that contained the exchange, not to hear the exchange again, but to refresh our memories on other details. Nothing. No reaction . That’s when I thought to myself, this is definitely not a jury of my peers. How many of you would have heard it the way I did?
You may not think much of this post, but damn, I referenced the Magna Carta, great movie courtroom moments, and possibly the catchiest song ever. It’s hard to beat that kind of entertainment and variety. If you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace button below. (Don’t look. There’s no MySpace button, but I laughed in my head when the judge said MySpace in court) Have a great weekend! ~Phil
I hope you’ve contacted the Baha Men to let them know EXACTLY who let the dogs out. I’m sure it’s a great relief to put that one to bed.
(Seriously? No one smirked?! Did you test them for pulses?)
Yes, sadly other than myself, they had drafted a jury full of adults.
Shame on them!
I tell you, in terms of things that could turn a courtroom into a laugh house, “Letting the dogs out” is HIGH on my list. I don’t know if I could have suppressed my snicker!
Not even an acknowledgement in the jury room? Must have been a very serious deliberation. My thought, before I even read about your reaction, was, “Yes, now we know!”
Not even in the jury room. I was thrilled however to be able to have a question that would force the court transcriptionist to read back that section of the dialogue.
That’s great!
Few have a sense of humor anymore, I find. I do, but get side eyed or no one gets it all the time. Nice to hear it from someone else. 🙂 Oh…and My Cousin Vinnie and the “two yutz”…one of the best movies ever.
You obviously have exquisite taste in humor.
Takes one to know one! 🙂