As everyone knows, during his campaign Donald Trump promised to build a wall between the United States and Mexico. Listen Donald, if we’re building walls, I can think of plenty of other groups of people we should build walls against. In fact, I can think of ten:
10. People who still write paper checks at stores. This is a group of people who need to be walled off from the rest of the world, if only for their own protection. Can you say “justifiable homicide”?
9. People who want “you to copy and paste this message to your Facebook status for one hour.” I don’t care if I agree with whatever message it is, I’m not going to do it. In fact, if you say that only your “true friends will copy and paste”, I’ll be happy not to be “true friends” with people who propagate 21st century chain letters and try to bully people with emotional blackmail.
8. The audience comedian at a real stand-up comedy show. Listen, the show will go on just fine if all you do is laugh. Keep your mouth shut otherwise. You are not as funny as the professional on stage. Yes, you’re friends tell you that you’re a “hoot.” You’re not. They’re lying so they don’t hurt your feelings. I didn’t pay to hear you talk.
7. My Problem is more important than yours people. They go to whatever store you’re in and tie up the cashier for 20 minutes with a problem that should have been dealt with elsewhere and is probably because the idiot didn’t understand something simple.
6. Social Media Trolls: If only there was a way to build a virtual internet wall around these losers. Then they could just criticize each other all day.
5. Every writer, director and producer of “reality” TV shows: Enough already. There’s no reality in these shows and no originality at all anymore. I hereby declare a wall should be built around these dolts so that no more stupid, fake shows like The Apprentice will ever be made.
4. Drivers who…well, pretty much all drivers, including us. How often have you been driving and gone completely mental, screaming obscenities at someone who turned too slowly and then a hundred meters later you’re incensed that someone honked at you for doing the same thing? We’re all idiots in this regard. Too bad there isn’t some kind of breathalyzer device that prevents you from driving when you’re in a bad mood.
3. The ‘Yeah but’ people: These people can’t let anyone say anything positive about anything. Example: You: “That Pope seems like such a nice guy!” Them: “Yeah, but did you hear that his motorcade ran over a rat when he was in New York?” You: “I just won millions in the lottery!” Them: “Yeah, but you’re gonna have to pay a shitload of taxes.”
2. The Overly Effusive People: They’re the opposite of the last group. EVERYTHING is the greatest thing that they’ve ever seen, heard, done, or tasted. These people really need to dial back the Prozac by a few milligrams. Listen skippy, I enjoy this song, movie, meal or whatever as much as the next guy, but I don’t feel it’s necessary to re-enact the Meg Ryan orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally eight times a day.
1. People with blogs: 99% of the people with blogs think they’re way more interesting than they really are. The other 1% read my blog. I have never once said the phrase, “You should read my blog!” Write, if it’s any good, people will read it. Also if you read other people’s blogs, they’ll read yours back, maybe. But don’t put “Blogger” on your LinkedIn profile unless someone is paying you to do it, and don’t tell people to read your blog. You’re giving the rest of us a bad name.
See Mr. Trump? It’s not necessary to discriminate based on race, religion, or nationality. When I am elected president, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I am going to discriminate on the basis of idiocy. If you know any of these people, please feel free to share this on FB or Twitter so they can develop some self-awareness. If I missed any of your favorite people to hate, please add them in the comments. If I get enough, I’ll make your suggestions into next weeks list. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
Hahahaha. Great list and fab post! Am sitting in dentist’s reception area and really needed a laugh. Thanks, Phil! 😉
You’re welcome Sam! Good luck with the dentist!
Dammit, Phil, I just added ‘blogger’ to my LinkedIn profile. Now I feel silly. 🙁
Don’t worry, it’s even worse if you call yourself a “Lifestyle Blogger.” You didn’t do that did you?
Hahahaha! NO! 😀
I’m going to go check
And now you see how little I do with LinkedIN! Lol!
Thanks Phil! 😉
I’ve got a rotten cold and every time I laugh I cough and now I’m stuck in a vicious laugh/cough cycle. It’s kind of hilarious, but not as hilarious as this post.
Aww…thanks for the compliment. Sorry that I made you cough. I guess you really are SickChristine. I hope you feel better soon!
In more ways than one, buddy. LOL! Thanks!
Great list!
Why just now, I wrote a blog post that wasn’t interesting at all. I should totally write a screenplay based on it. I SHOULD WRITE A SCREENPLAY! OMG SQUEE! *hugs everyone and whoops loudly as she gets in her car to tailgate everyone in her way* Obviously they don’t know how important I am!
😉
LOL! 😂
Those are good ones, that’s for sure
I’d build a wall round my in laws.
Is it finally the time that you’ve given up rhyme?
Phil, well it’s true
I rhyme only for you
Been writing for money
I’m out of it honey
But maybe one day
I’ll come back to play.
Excellent Phil. I humbly add build a wall around people who think they have a story we should write. I loved your blogger advice. I encourage everyone to read someone else’s blog. When asked I always give my site address as http://www.howardhughes.com
LOL! Yes, I agree with you on the story thing. Also, since a lot of my real life friends also read my blog, I get a lot of suggestions from them for the blog too. Usually half formed ideas that haven’t been thought through.
Woops that is a real address. Please remove. Thanks. So much for being funny.
I’m leaving it right there!
Is your book still going to be on sale for $.99 on Friday? I’m asking because I would be happy to feature you and your book on my blog Friday
Yes. I have made it $0.99 until the launch is over or it stops selling whichever comes first. Anything I can do for the feature?
I was going to feature your whole series with the emphasis on My GRL. Is there a synopsis of the whole series?
Hmmm Hold on. I’ll write one…
Here you go.
John J. Cannon successful San Francisco lawyer takes a well-deserved leave of absence from the firm and buys a boat he names My GRL. He is unaware that his newly purchased boat had already been targeted by a terrorist group. John’s first inkling of a problem is when he wakes up in the hospital where he learns he was found unconscious next to the dead body of the attractive young woman who sold him the boat in the first place. John now stands between the terrorists and the success of their mission.
The characters from My GRL continue to His Revenge and on to Our Justice. In His Revenge, John seeks to atone the killing of Gerry Starnes, the woman who sold him My GRL. The action moves from Port Aransas to California and on to Ecuador. His enemy Matt Jacobs has a twisted idea that John would make an excellent spokesperson for the terrorist group. He figures out a way to get John to cooperate on a plan that is designed to embarrass the President and wreak havoc on the oil industry. John must pretend to go along hoping he can create a way to get revenge. The question remains who will get the revenge?
Our Justice is the final story in the trilogy. John has been keen on bringing Matt Jacobs to justice. Matt has been keen on getting John to help him in a plot to assassinate the President. He plans to use John’s hero status to get close to the President to do his duty work. Both Matt and John feel their cause is right and both want justice extracted in their favor. We must see who in fact achieves Justice, Matt, John or neither.
Looks good! I’ll use it
🙂
Funny list! My own personal list would have to include Know-Nothing Know-it-Alls. It’d be great, with them all walled-in together and having to one-up each other with their nonexistent knowledge. 😛
Yes, there are far too many of them. I wonder though if we bloggers qualify as one of them?
Hmmm. Well, I personally don’t pretend to know everything. Or anything, for that matter… 😛
But yet we write assuming others will want to read us. Kind of arrogant aren’t we?
Perhaps just a tad bit. 😀
I’m so with you on #9. Any post beginning with “share if” or “like if” is emotional blackmail and I want nothing to do with it.
I also don’t like copied and pasted political rants, even when they’re from my team. They’re always long, painfully self-righteous, and clearly unoriginal.
You are wise beyond your years
Yesssssss. Especially the people who write checks and the people who guilt trip you into copying and pasting a Facebook status!!
I agree with all of these! Let the wall erections begin! Very funny post Phil.
Thank you and good morning!
I really enjoyed number 4,3 and 1! 😊🙈 especially number 4, because there is truth in it, and I can really relate to it! It has happened to me and I’ve done it to others! I think it is in our gene! 😊🙈
And also, build a wall around those negative people, those who doesn’t want any good to happen to others! 😊🙈
Absolutely!
😊😁
I could just shout from the rooftops and bang my chest like the king Kong in approval. Trump could just build walls randomly for his amusement and just create a maze and call it trump’s labyrinth. The new video game in town. For those who wanted their blogs to be read, trump will be waiting at the other end. Happy journey.