Earlier this week I saw a post from SickChristine that was inspired by a Soul Pancake Facebook post.
Christine wrote a beautiful and touching story of the advice she would give her past self at different ages. Beautiful and touching? Yeah, that’s not exactly my style. Younger me was a moron and he definitely needed my advice. So, here’s what I would tell myself if I could travel back in time to help younger me:
Dear 1970’s Phil: Dude, relax. You’re a kid. Don’t stress about anything. Especially not the air raid drills they make you do in grade school. The Russians are definitely not going to bomb you. At least not until Trump is President. Just be careful around water fountains. Not the big kind that you see in a park, but the little ones you drink out of in the hallway at school. There’s one that will change your life forever. That one fountain is the Joker to your Batman. Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future.
Dear 1980’s Phil: To borrow from Baz Luhrman, wear sunscreen. You get sunburned from the refrigerator light! Wear sunscreen. I want to have skin like a baby’s bottom when I/Me/You are older. Also go ahead and grow the mullet, but cut it off in 1988. You kept it a year too long. Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future.
Dear 1990’s Phil: Apple. Not the fruit. Well, yes, the fruit. Eat them, they’re better than all that fast food you eat. But remember Apple the company. Save all your money and invest in a company named Apple in 1999. If you do this you can retire from work in 2015. Don’t mind the hyperlinked blue text there. You can’t read that yet. Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future. And yes, you get the most important decision of your life right.
Dear 2000’s Phil: You’ll be raising your kids now. I’ve got no advice for you. Nothing can prepare you for parenting. Just relax and enjoy. You can’t control everything. In fact I should have told you that about two decades ago. Also embrace fantasy football. Not only will you be really good at it, but if you play your cards right, you can make a living at it. Enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. Yes, they’ll still be with you. Maybe write a few books about them. And don’t stress about the number of views your blog gets. The right people will get the jokes. No, seriously, I was not kidding about the fantasy football.
All in all, don’t worry about much I said here. Life’s never going to be perfect. Live your life and enjoy it without too much worry. And lastly, wear sunscreen.
Have a great Saturday everybody! ~Phil
Love 80s Phil!
Oh so much advice we could give our younger selves!!! Hindsight is a great thing!
I love this idea! And yes, remember Apple. The Bloke and I were talking about what we’d invest in if we could go back in time after watching a documentary about a woman who had bought a small amount of shares in a little company during their first few months…Google.
Love this. Really good idea for a post. However, I really need to know what happened with that water fountain. Oh and definitely always wear sunscreen. That’s one piece of advice I’d also give myself.
If you want to know what happened with the water fountain, click the link! It’s story has stretched across my whole life.
On it. I didn’t see the link…
What a fun idea, Phil. Looks like you have made most of the right choices through life. I too would change very little in my life – I have very happy with it!
This is a great post! I really enjoy your lighthearted and set of older-brother-y tone you use. I was also inspired by Christine’s post, so keep your eyes peeled for my advice post too! 😉 Personally, I think you rocked the mullet!
I’ll look for your post if you approve my request to read your blog
Oh yeah, sorry, it’s on private right now, but it will be public next week, after school is out. There’s been some drama, which will also be explained. 🙄
I understand
The mullet needs its own blog post! Ha! In other news, why are people still doing this to their hair…in 2017?? #lifesburningquestions
I’m not sure my mullet was epic enough to deserve its own blog, but thank you. I definitely am not still rocking the mullet but I did keep my 90’s goatee.
I love it!!! See, I told you the world needed this. Mullet Phil is the greatest thing ever. You should make t-shirts.
LOL! It’s too bad that isn’t a very good pic of the mullet. Maybe if I ever make a Phil Factor t-shirt I’ll add a silhouette of the mullet.
Oh my god, if you ever have a garage band you have to call it mullet silhouette. LOL!
Have you not seen old pics of me and The Golden Boys?
Nooooooooo. And are we talking Golden Boy like Seinfeld’s favorite t-shirt? That Golden Boy?
No. My friends who have been with me literally since we were in diapers. They’re the characters in my books. I will post a very old picture of us to Instagram just for you
The pic is on IG now but I’ll take it down as soon as you’ve seen it.
Hahahahahahaha!!!!! Thank you for that.
If you want some good Phil stories do a google search for The Phil Factor Golden Boys. The further back you go, the better the stories. I think they go to 2005.
Ha ha! the sunscreen part made me giggle.
I love the idea of writing these notes to my younger self 🙂 You have some good lessons there. Stocks – for sure!
Great advice. Wish I had taken the Apple buy suggestion myself.
Did you have a mullet too?
In the 80’s I was in my forties and well into my first career. The quick answer is, no.
Aaah! I had no idea you had that big of a head start on me.
Yup. Just turned 76.
Man, great idea for an article. One of my favourite writers around.
I’m one of your favorite writers? Or were you referring to Baz Luhrman?
Haha you ofcourse
Of course you say that now!
Why would that be the case?!
Great advice! I would definitely tell my younger self to invest in Apple (or have my dad do it).
If giving advice to past me
Was something that I could
Do, don’t you know that I doubt
That I ever would.
Why not? Hasn’t there been a perfect spot?
Probably there has, I bet
But better off saying no regrets.
I loved it, Phil … especially the part about getting the biggest decision of your life right 🙂
… and Apple? Yeah, well … don’t we all wish?
I’d probably advise the younger you to never have the mullet EVER lol
You’d be alone in that. The mullet has gotten a lot of love today!
Hmm, well I suppose I technically had a mini-mullet a few years back so I can let you off I suppose 😉
Wow so funny as I also have the sarcasm gene. Love the mullet lol. We did stress about silly things way before we had to.
You are my new favorite. Heading over to follow your blog now
I have a personal blog thoughtsbyheidi.com