I won’t. I won’t do it. No matter how much she begs or how many songs she writes, I won’t date Taylor Swift. Here’s why:
10. If Taylor Swift married me and took my name, her name would be Taylor Taylor and that’s just ridiculous. But, if she took my first name as her married surname, her name would be Taylor Phil. I might consider letting her do that. It would be great fun at party introductions. “Hi, I’m Phil Taylor and this is my wife Taylor Phil.”
9. If she and I broke up with each other she’d write songs about it and I’d write blogs about it. Does the world really need that?
8. The relationship would never work. She’d be jealous and insecure about my success. It would probably destroy her.
7. Mrs. Phil would probably kick both our asses , resulting in a lengthy and highly public trial, and I can’t go through that again.
6. Because of their well publicized feud over me, if I dated Taylor Swift I’d never get a shot with Katy Perry. (pause) Or would I?
Taylor & Katy in better times before they began fighting over me
5. She’s too tall. At 5’11’, she’s taller than me, and well… there’s all sorts of ways that would be awkward. Like at red carpet events for instance: “Hi Taylor. Melissa Rivers here from E! network. Oh wait, stop the camera. Why is your chauffeur still with you?”
4. I don’t want to get stuck supporting that one hit wonder in her old age when she’s lost her marginal good looks and blown all the money she made from that one song that did ok.
3. She’s attractive and all, but she’s no Kylie Minogue. (A little blatant pandering to my U.K. and Australian friends who’ve read this far. If you did, give me a quick shout out in the comments so I know that reference wasn’t in vain)
Kylie dailytelegraph.com.au
2. I’m a pretty forgiving guy, but not once has Taylor’s agent called me and asked if she could be interviewed on #ThePhilFactor. I don’t pursue. I’m the pursued.
1. Taylor may be able to rhyme some catchy lyrics, but from what I’ve heard she’s a snooze when it comes to conversation. Apparently Taylor isn’t all that swift.
As always, feel free to share with your favorite Taylor Swift fan by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great Tuesday!
This. Is. AWESOME!
Reblogged this on No Love for Fatties and commented:
Omg! Read this!!
Wow! Thank you so much for the re-blog!
Can. Not. Stand. Her. and totally hate that some of her songs are so catchy. Now I can’t stop thinking about you guys getting married and her being Taylor Taylor.
I can’t argue with her vocal talent and songwriting ability. Outside of that though she seems fairly vacuous and insipid. Then again when I was in my 20s, so was I
Well, I won the Nobel Peace Prize when I was 21, so I don’t know what’s wrong with you and Taylor Taylor. Y’all need to get it together. Well, at least Taylor Taylor does.
I could straighten her out if she married me and made me her manager.
I could straighten her out if you bought me a couple of gin and tonics and let me have a stern talkin’ to her.
Are the gin and tonics for you or her? I think she’d be fun if she started drinking and having meltdowns on stage and in public.
I don’t share my G&Ts.
Maybe Taylor would be tolerable if she had one too
But she’d be even more tolerable if I had them all. Lol
The question then is how tolerable you would be?
This would be quite the social experiment.
Have you ever seen that show Drunk History? How great would it be to have a show where drunk fans get to meet drunk celebrities?
That is such a great show. Love your spin on it.
Somehow it doesn’t surprise me that we both like that show.
Not surprised at all. Lol
I’d never date a Taylor Swift
Don’t ask me why or how
I’d rather date a Johnny Depp
Or a purple cow.
Ok, I have a love-hate relationship with T.Swift. For a really long time I hated that I loved her music so much (I gave up on that), but then I’m also like, ‘she’s a pretty good role model for little girls– at least better than, say, the Kardashian-Jenner sisters– but then she also just irks me with her motivational statements–they’re just a bit too overdone. Sorry, rant over. I do love the idea of Phil Taylor and Taylor Phil, though; the wordy nerd in me really thinks it’s funny.
LOL! If I’m giving out awards for comments today yours wins the prize! You are too funny!
Stop it, you’re making me blush! 😉
T Swizzle is nearly my neighbor. Well if she still lived in her hometown at least… I’m in the Katy Perry camp, however. Except I’m not digging the short blonde haircut. Who does she think she is, Miley Cyrus?
Enjoyed this. Thanks, Phil
Thanks John!
G’day, mate. Yes, I’m reading this from Australia. But, why mention the singing budgie (Kylie)? You’ve ruined my day.
Who doesn’t love Kylie?
How much time ddo you have to read the list?
The chauffeur one 😂😂😂
As a Swiftie this is hilarious 😹😹
you are very funny. i’m in australia, 7 clearly need to keep an eye on you here/represent my country re Kylie references. I’m in for a Follow, thanks, gabrielle : )
😂😂😂
I think you’re right to steer well clear, Phil! More trouble than it’s worth 😂
Haha. Love his Phil. You could her take her first name as your surname & become double barrelled. Then you’d be Phil Taylor-Taylor. And yes to no.3! Even I fancy Kylie.
Kylie was kind of Taylor Swift long before Taylor Swift
Kylie rules. I’m going to do a Kylie post soon. Look out for it.
Hey, bloggers from across the pond aren’t the only ones to appreciate the Kylie reference. Just so happens hubby & I both adore her, so there! 😀
Your mention of Kylie wasn’t in vain 🇦🇺 😊
Way to maintain those standards Phil. #staystrong
Hilarious post! And I’m with Gabe! Way to maintain those standards! #staystrong 🙂
Surprised you didn’t mention how Kanye would react to your relationship….hehehehe
Then you’d be Phil Taylor-Taylor.
Then you’d be Phil Taylor-Taylor.
I like the idea of Phil Taylor and Taylor Phil. I think you should put up with your objections and woo her just to make that happen!
Also, Americans know Kylie Minogue too right? Is she only big in the UK and Aus?
Some Americans know Kylie Minogue, but she’s definitely not as big here as she in in the U.K. And Australia
I love this Phil. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion and if Tay is not a good fit, then she’s not a good fit.
https://taylorswiftnewsblog.wordpress.com/
Kylie was kind of Taylor Swift long before Taylor Swift
That’s true! I agree
Haha this is great
Thank you!
Kylie was kind of Taylor Swift long before Taylor Swift
Kylie was variety of Taylor Swift long before Taylor Swift Kylie was variety of Taylor Swift long before Taylor Swift
Pingback: Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Top Tens | The Phil Factor
Pingback: Blogger Award Nominations Are Now Open! | The Phil Factor
Pingback: My Blog is a Teenager! | The Phil Factor