In the immortal words of Billy Blazejowski, “I’m an idea man Chuck.” In many of my posts I’ve used my now familiar phrase, “When I’m elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first…” In an effort to further my candidacy for both of those positions, I have compiled, ten of the laws that have followed the phrase “When I’m elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first…” These laws will henceforth be known as The Phil Laws.
1. No more Leap Year extra day. Make all months exactly the same length.
2. No more Daylight Savings Time or British Summer Time.
3. Pregnant women should not tell their male co-workers how dilated they are.
4. Hurricane names must be something scary, not just a normal name. Who’s going to flee something like Hurricane Ed? I believe that far less people would have perished if Hurricane Katrina had been named Hurricane Deathtron. You flee a storm named Deathtron. No one was scared by Katrina.
5. The only place you can be nude in your local gym locker room is in the shower. The rest of the time, wear a towel.
6. Funerals should include drinking and entertainment.
7. A ten-year ban on reality shows.
8. All public bathroom stalls will be as big as the handicapped stalls.
9. No saying “See you next year” on Dec. 31st. It will be legal to punch offenders in the forehead.
10. No more writing paper checks. Get yourself a debit card and stop holding up the lines at the supermarket.
What laws would you make if you were President? Also, did anyone get the Billy Blazejowski reference? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
#PHIL2020
I like this plan a lot. Down with DST and STD. Men should be burdened with dilation though. 🙂
It’s fine if husbands hear about dilation, but I don’t think coworkers need to hear about it.
Lol! Makes us even more delighted to see five o’clock roll around.
All supermarkets to install road markings, where traffic rules apply – customers to pass a trolley driving test before being allowed to shop (whenever the online ordering system is down, the thought of going into an actual store fills me with dread!)
I agree with all your ideas. In fact in the past I think I’ve written a couple blog posts about the way people behave in supermarkets.
The reality show ban is my favorite! Puh-lease! And how about Hurricane Voldemort? People would definitely get the idea then!
Hurricane Voldemort would be awesome!
#5 – can we get special shower towels? Just… even when there’s a curtain, some people don’t know how to operate it, or it’s not quite wide enough. Ick.
I’m all in favor of anything that covers up strangers in the locker room
If I was president I’d probably fail
I’d put all the people I hate in jail.
If you talk in rhymes all day, in your office I wouldn’t stay
Maybe you would move your rump
I’d still be better than Mr. Trump
I am SO with you on daylight savings and the size of restroom stalls, man. I like numbers 9 & 10, too.
But I have a question about #5. Once I’ve showered and put my towel on for the locker room, where will I get dressed? Have you ever tried to put a bra on while modestly wearing a towel?!? I think maybe women care less about this stuff. Maybe we just look at the floor a lot more. I dunno.
Enjoyed it, Phil. I would like to outlaw Facebook. Maybe after the military coup.
As someone from The Netherlands #6 about funerals makes a lot of sense. As I understand it, before my time, they used to do something like that. After the funeral lots of people collectively went to the bar/pub and drank their sorrows away, but not just in a depressing way, but more light hearted. And I assume people told each other stories like ‘do you remember’. Very freely translated this would be called ‘drawning the body’ (of the deceased in liquor).
I almost spit my coffee out on Hurricane Deathtron. I’m still laughing.
Thanks Christine! It made me smile to imagine you spitting out your coffee
That I drank from my Salvador Dali mug.