10. Sure you can pet him. He’s friendly. He’s never bitten anyone in his life! ~every dog owner ever, right before their dog bites you.
9. Hold still. This will only hurt a little bit. ~doctors, dentists, and…
8. I don’t need a list. I’ll remember! ~husbands, right before they forget everything on your list.
7. No. I’m not mad. ~women who are obviously mad.
6. It’s OK. I have plenty of time! ~all of us, when we definitely don’t have enough time.
5. I’ll write a blog and become famous! ~me, lying to myself every damn day
4. Does that dress make you look fat? No, it’s your hips that make you look fat! ~very stupid men.
3. LOL! ~all of us using the internet to lie to our friends because they can’t actually see that we’re not LOL’ing.
2. Gray hair makes you look distinguished. ~all women lying to all men. (If that were true, why don’t women ever want to look distinguished?)
1. I think your “love handles” are cute. ~couples who have both given up and are sitting on the couch in their elastic-waisted sweat pants watching Netflix and eating Cheetos.
So what other lies do you tell on a regular basis? Or which ones do you hear most often? Feel free add yours in the comments. Or if you don’t want to just click like without reading at all. I love that. (me lying to you.) Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
‘I’m not tired’- when I’m literally holding my eyelids open with matchsticks.
‘I’m such a party animal’- when all I can think about is refusing that Friday night invitation, and lying in bed with my matchsticks
hahahahaha -i love these. #5 is my favorite and one i may have uttered myself once or twice. )
I’m a teacher. One of my students told his parent that we did not start an assessment as I was unwell. Unfortunately for said student, the parent emailed me to check. My response was something along the lines of ‘Thanks for your concern but I’m perfectly healthy and your kid is lying to you and has not done the work’ . This was possibly the dumbest lie ever as I get in touch with parents every two to three weeks about student progress and am never sick enough to miss school.
That’s funny. I wonder what lies I told my teachers that they didn’t believe
“I’m going to start eating healthier” -me shortly before I grab a handful of potato chips, wash it down with a bottle of coke and dish out three scoops of ice cream.
My Mother was such a lie detector when I was young that I learned lying came with a worse punishment. I find it difficult to lie as an adult (little white ones to not hurt peoples feelings don’t count.) I have a huge tell when I lie….I immediately say, “I’m lying.” Once a lie comes out of my mouth, I feel immediate guilt and then feel like I’m going to get caught, so I fess up immediately in order to avoid any consequence. (My Mother was, and still is, a force to be reckoned with.) Do not ask me to plan a surprise party, do not ask me to keep a confidence. A direct question is my weakness.
LOL! 😬
My husband is the liar over here. He’s fine, he’s not tired… right before the snores — and sometimes after! 😉
“Was I too harsh with the waiter?” “I don’t think so, but I hope your dessert is low spit though.”
#8 leads to #7 in our house. I can send that man out for paper towels and ground turkey and he’ll come back with apples and tortilla chips, then get all huffy that I expect him to go back. But I’m not mad… really!
Here is the biggest lie I hate: telling an ugly woman on Facebook she looks amazing after she takes a selfie of her new bowl cut or mullet. Don’t encourage that s***!