Kim Jong Un loves The Phil Factor
Apparently I’ve lapsed in my consumption of North Korean news. I just heard from a comedian on Netflix that last year North Korean leader Kim Jong Un outlawed sarcasm in North Korea because he didn’t want anyone making fun of him. Well, there goes my vacation to the North Korean riviera. How the hell do the police pull someone over for sarcasm?
North Korean Judge: Your client is on trial for sarcasm. How does he plead?
North Korean Lawyer: My client pleads innocent. He was being facetious, not sarcastic.
North Korean Judge: Guilty! Death penalty for you both!
I love sarcasm and I love sarcastic people. Apparently Kim Jong Un feels about me the way my wife did before we started dating. After I got to know my wife she admitted that before we dated she was afraid to talk to me because I was so sarcastic. But then, eventually she grew to love me. I assume Kim Jong Un will do the same by the end of this blog post.
In fact, using Google translate and Ron Burgundy I would like to try to mend fences with the misunderstood North Korean President. I will translate some crucial peacekeeping sentences into Korean in hopes that Kim Jong Un will see this post and welcome me and my sarcasm into his warm embrace.
Ron Burgundy: You have an absolutely breathtaking hiney!
Korean: 너는절대적으로숨이멎을듯한엉덩이를가지고있다!
Apparently with this blog post I’m alienating both North & South Korea!
Ron Burgundy: You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? Maybe don’t wear a bra next time.
Korean: 너오늘밤너무멋져보인다. 흠? 다음에브래지어를입지않을수도있습니다.
Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker!
Korean: 너는냄새나는해적창녀야!
Ron Burgundy: Why don’t you go back to your home on whore island?
Korean: 왜창녀섬에있는집으로돌아가지그래?
There you go world. You’re welcome. In less than 500 words I’ve repaired U.S./North Korea relations and prevented World War III. If any of my Korean readers would like to chip in and correct any errors I’ve made in translation, feel free. If anyone else has some phrases they think would be helpful, by all means put them in the comments. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil
Excellent article and views on the matter at hand. Let us just hope there is no world war 3, as there are so much bad things happening all over the world to much death and destruction. Sending healing energy to everyone… Have a good saturday Phil
Oh my! Outlawing sarcasm indeed… glad I’m not planning on heading out there!
Kim Jong Un’s old man walked around a golf course for the first time in 38 under par and knocked in eleven holes-in-one. I know because his security guards swore it to be true.
North Korea is enormously funny and worthy of sarcasm, until of course, the day it’s not!
Thanks Phil.
Thank you Mickey!
I think that Ron Burgundy quotes are not used often enough in the political arena. Think of the all the good that could be done if he was referenced more often!
Exactly!
I would never make it in N Korea. Ron Burgundy and I must have something in common!
Phil, your brain is a hilarious place! I smiled through this post and I am truly frightened if you ever become ambassador to any country with a scary, cheerless leader. My guess is, you’d make him laugh. He’d fart. The generals surrounding him would begin clapping. Farting would become the sign of joy and respect. The world ends. But, lucky for us, you’re a funny writer, not an ambassador. I shall sleep in peace and laugh at your posts.
LOL, you are too funny. I have to say that I’m insulted that you don’t think I’d be a great ambassador. Humor is the universal language. Thank you Angela!
Well, who am I to judge? I just used the word “farted” in a comment on your blog and I giggled when I wrote it. No one is putting me on the ambassador selection committee anytime soon. 🙂
Wow. Unbelievable. People are funny aren’t they? You know what they say the truth is stranger than fiction and it is so true! Funny article. Thanks for writing it and sharing it with all of us!
I have no idea why Kim Hung Who would outlaw sarcasm. There’s nothing funny about him.
Sarcasm is the only other language that I’m fluent in…guess I better cancel that ticket to North Korea then!
You’ve saved the day and just in time
Now how to make Korean rhyme…
My army friend predicts a WWIII. I hope not. I have two people serving now
No sarcasm? What about irony? Or would that be too confusing for him to tell the difference? Really, I wasn’t being mean, I was being ironic.
So he’s a smelly pirate hooker from whore island with a nice hiney and who should leave his bra in the drawer when getting dressed in the morning. Yup, think you pretty much solved our North Korean problem. Enjoyed the post.
It would be hard to keep my sarcasm in check. I can get in trouble here too. 🙂