And I’m the guy to fix them. As I always say, when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will fix these three things.
1. What kind of Zone is Worse Than the Friend Zone? Time zones, that’s what’s worse. Last week I traveled for work and I was three time zones away from home. It was stupid. If I wanted to call or text someone back home I had to do math. “Well, I can’t call now because even though it’s a reasonable time here, they’ve already gone to bed.” What time should I call you? 8:00? Yes. Your time or my time? And then, when I woke up in the morning in Pacific time, half the friggin’ day was already done on the East coast. Here’s my solution: When I’m elected President, (#PHIL2020) I will abolish time zones. Boom. Mic drop. It will be a 24 hour clock and it will the same time everywhere, ALL THE TIME. What time do you want me to call? 4:00? Boom. Done. The whole world. Yes, I’m going to be President of the whole world.
This is how healthy McDonald’s will seem
2. Not So Happy Meals: McDonald’s is making cheeseburgers available in Happy Meals only by request and reducing the size of fries that come with McNuggets. AND they’re reducing the amount of sugar in their chocolate milk. Are you kidding me? Hello McFlyDonalds! We already have almond milk! Why do we need reduced sugar chocolate milk?!!? We know how to drink water and when we walk into McDonald’s we are choosing not to drink water. If we wanted to eat healthy; if we wanted our kids to eat healthy, we wouldn’t have walked into McDonald’s in the first place. Nobody goes to McDonald’s looking for broccoli. Stay in your lane. Do what you’re good at. As President I will invoke eminent domain and block this idiotic move.
3. Guns: I’m sick and tired of senseless violence and people blaming shootings on “mental health issues.” Guess what? We can’t get rid of mental health issues, but we can get rid of guns. As President and Sexiest Man Alive, (Yes I plan to hold both titles simultaneously. Also, as a psychic, I predict that upon reading this, People Magazine will choose to name Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau 2018’s Sexiest Man Alive in November.) Back to me. As President I will mandate that all automatic weapons and handguns be removed from the public domain. If you’re a “hunter” and you need an automatic weapon, then you’re a moron and shouldn’t be allowed to have any guns. People can still hunt deer with a normal one-shot-at-a-time shotgun, but outside of that, only law enforcement and active military can have any kind of guns. Yes, it will be a hard, long battle to get rid of guns, but it needs to be done. #ParklandStrong
Sorry that I got a little heavy there at the end, but something needs to change. Something that transcends political lines. Something that has only the best interest of people at heart. If I can pull this off, would it be so bad if I also made McDonald’s serve bad food and put the entire world on the same time? Feel free to share by one of the social media buttons below.
Have a great Saturday! #PHIL2020
Liking your thoughts.. .. but the time zone thing… might not work! 😉😜
I think that would work brilliantly!
Unless you live somewhere totally opposite… or are you only changing the US ones? I don’t fancy spending my waking hours in the dark!
I’m changing them all! But I didn’t say you’d have to sleep during daylight hours. Sleep when you want
Lol! So I’d still miss calls from the States because I’d be sleeping here in the UK!
Your friends in the States would have to take that into account and there’s always voicemail
True! So essentially… nothing changes Lol!
Nope.
😀
This quote: “Nobody goes to McDonald’s looking for broccoli. Stay in your lane.” had me laughing out loud! As for the Happy Meal thing, loads of food items have reduced in size and stayed at the same price/ been increased in price. I hate how chocolate bars have gotten smaller and the sneaky devils think we won’t notice. Well I do gawd dammit!
Couldn’t agree more, with the last point, Phil. Take the guns away, please. What do you need from me to get elected? Say the word!
Oh, except for Mac D. I’m not a fan but hey, I get your commitment 😉
I’m not a huge MacD fan, but every now and then if I want to indulge, I don’t want them trying to make me healthy!
i so agree with you on all of these!
I was so happy to see that you’re tired of people blaming shootings on ‘mental health issues’. I couldn’t agree more! It’s one of my BIGGEST pet peeves!
I am on board with the time zones. Doing time math is not my strength. While you are at it can you eliminate changing the time in the spring and fall? Not a big fan of this either. I agree McDonald’s should stay true to its brand of serving disgusting, unhealthy food. And if we could get all the assault weapons out of circulation I’d vote for you in a heartbeat!
I’ll hold you to that!
Phil, only you can dole out a fun post like this one. Guns – with you there. Time zone – I go crazy setting up meetings with my US folks. There day is my night and vice versa. Gosh! Just today I thought that if we gain a day when we travel to US from India, does it mean we have more than 365 days a year? 😉
Mc Donald’s – you said it! I don’t go to the joint to eat a salad. I need my cheese and my french fries. 😉
I can’t change night to day, but all being on the same would reduce a little confusion
Very sensible. Who knew?!
I’ll vote for you!
Thank you!
1) Can I vote for you as President but NOT the Sexiest Man on the Planet or is it a kind of Buy One Get One Free Special Offer?
2) By 2020 my reign as Sexiest Man on the Planet will not be over (it ends in 2022). However, because I’m a generous kinda guy, I don’t mind sharing. We can both be The Semi-Sexiest Man on the Planet for those overlapping two years.
3) Agree on banning time zones. Can you extend it to seasons too? It’s ridiculous that the Aussies are crowing how hot it is when in western Europe we’re freezing our rocks off.
4) Personally I would install weighing machines and fitness bikes in McDonalds so that no-one is allowed to leave the facility until their weight was under what it was when they arrived. That would solve the global obesity problem
5) I would not regulate for the removal of guns (see #7)
6) I would be happy for everyone to keep their guns (see #7)
7) I would make it an offense for anyone outside the military or police to be caught in the possession of ANY form of ammunition that could be loaded into any gun.
You are funny, Phil Taylor! Nobody goes to McDonalds looking for broccoli. Stay in your Lane. Awesome quote. I see this as being a blog post title! I’m with you on all counts, especially the gun control issue. We’re on the same wavelength on that one Phil! We need to draft something up and send it to Congress!
True confession: I took my son to McD for a s “special” V-Day treat. I struggled to choose something from the menu and ended up with a Big Mac. I have not had one in at least 20 years. I liked it.
Every now and then it isn’t bad. I don’t eat it daily but it’s a nice treat sometimes
I’m with you on McDonalds. If parents want their kids to eat healthy keep them out of that calorie and fat emporium. Your point about needing a 30 shot magazine to hunt is a good one. If you can’t hit your target with one shot, go home and retire the gun. Good post, Phil. I’m voting for you.
Thanks John! I think I’d have you as a cabinet member
Secretary of gun control would be nice.
Top drawer Phil. I had considered the McD’s issue as something curious too; more on the side of fries reduction and water. I saw no indication that costs would slide downwards proportionally. Being a cynic I assumed it was a ploy to justify getting less for more; except that spin doesn’t sell it.
Agreed re guns too and the right honourable J.W. Howell above. Idiocracy in action.
You’re a shoe-in as far as I’m concerned for both offices! But can you let the deer live? Bambi traumatized me.
Sure, the deer shall live. I will give you a spot in my cabinet to save the deer
Hahaha!! I took “cabinet” as a double meaning….. literally a shelf in one of your wooden storage cabinets in which I can place all the stuffed deer heads. 😉
Stephanie
LOL, I didn’t think of that meaning. Funny!
Agree with all three, absolutely. I’m also sick of companies taking sugar out of things and replacing it with sweeteners – it makes things taste HORRID.
I can’t imagine that sweeteners are any better for you than sugar
Exactly!!
I share your pain on time zones, Phil, but your plan will not work. The idea in A time to lie might thought [smile]
You said nothing you should regret
Why aren’t you President yet?
Rule the country I will in time
Just let me finish this tequila with lime
Based on no.3 alone, I want you to be my president. I mean you can’t be my president, but you know what I mean. I’d rather people be obese than dead far too young.
I can’t be your President but I could be your Prime Minister. The way my country is going, moving out of here seems worth considering
Yes! Come to the U.K. and rule us. I guarantee you’ll do a better job than our current poor excuse for a PM.
I would definitely get that Brexit situation sorted out.
Thank you Phil. We’d appreciate that.
Me and my man perm
HAHAHAHA.
Had to click and read just cause of the scary clown pic! Loved that – I agree…let Mickie D’s do what they know best!
Thank you Dr. Allison!
I tried to comment on your blog recently but the app is having issues. Thoroughly agree with your most recent post.
Hmmm wonder what’s going on? Thanks, though!
Yes Phil yes!!! Agree with you on everything. Time zones are so complicated especially when you’re jet lagged! McDonald’s are just trying to appease the relative health bodies in the different countries sadly but I think it should stay as it is. You make an informed choice when you go to somewhere like McDonald’s- everything in moderation! The gun laws need to change urgently in America it’s terrifying. How many more children need to needlessly die before something is done? We’ve had one mass school shooting in the U.K. and we instantly changed security at all schools and a gun amnesty and changes in law quickly followed.
I wish the politicians in the States were as wise as yours. I travel quite a bit and I worry a bit about security
They haven’t got everything right trust me but the gun stuff definitely
I agree. If the weather wasn’t so dreadful there, I would probably move there in a heartbeat
It isn’t always dreadful but we could do with more sun for sure!!
I know that it isn’t always dreadful. I live where the weather is pretty dreadful about seven months out of the year. I don’t want to take the chance of more dreadful weather
I was actually there for a week a few years ago and it was very pleasant.
Lol ‘no one goes to McDonalds for broccoli’ you know they’ll start selling it just to spite you?
And thrilled that you think my blog is popular enough that one of the largest corporations in the world would change their menu just to spite me. I’m not there yet…
You got my vote😊
Thank you! 😊
Phil for President!
Thank you Jen! #PHIL2020