I know I look squeaky clean and about as cool as most sit-com dads, but I do like tattoos. I have a few myself and so do others in my family. When choosing a tattoo, my philosophy is that you should choose wisely because you are, for the most part, stuck with that on your body forever more. Some people aren’t so picky though. Based on seeing others, these are my top ten worst possible tattoo choices. In the comments, tell me what your ideas are.
10. A corporate logo: I like a lot of products, but not so much I’d tattoo them on me. I’ve heard of people being paid to have a logo tattooed on them. No thanks. What if in ten years you find out that company has been poisoning people or making hamburgers out of puppies?
9. Someone’s name: Through a job I once had, I knew a couple that had each others names tattooed on their necks, so of course they broke up. Maybe your name and home address with the phrase “If found, return to:” just in case you pass out somewhere.
8. Face tattoo: The news came out yesterday that Justin Bieber got a face tattoo. Of course he did. He’s a moron. His is just a tiny cross beneath his eye, but others have certainly done much worse on their faces.
The Hangover
7. The permanent makeup: Sounds like a great idea right? Never have to put eyeliner or lipstick on again! I don’t get it. I think 99% of women look better without makeup.
6. A band name: Unless it’s The Beatles, can anyone think of any band right now that we’ll still consider brilliant 40 years from now? Who’s got that One Direction tattoo? Anyone?
5. A cartoon character: I like SpongeBob as much as the next guy, but I’m pretty sure that when I’m 80 I’m not going to be into Scooby Doo, or SpongeBob, or Batman as much as I was when I was young. Also, when I’m 80 my grandchildren will wonder who all those weird characters on me are.
4. The bar code: The first time I heard of some one getting a bar code tattooed on the back of their neck I thought it was hilarious. Outside of that first dude, the rest of the people that did it are stupid and unoriginal.
3. A ghost shaped like a penis: The last time I got a tattoo, I asked the artist what was the stupidest tattoo anyone had ever requested from her. Yes, a ghost shaped like a penis. She showed me a picture.
2. The WordPress logo: I’m pretty sure that even if I got a WordPress tattoo and posted a picture of it on my blog every day for a year, I’d still never get Freshly Pressed. Jerks. If they did offer to Freshly Press a post of my choice from my blog if I get a WordPress tattoo…yes, I’d do it.
1. The neck tattoo: Not only do I imagine that the neck would be a painful place to get a tattoo, but unless you’re willing to wear a turtleneck, that neck tattoo will be the first thing anyone notices about you. That’s why Steve Jobs always wore a turtleneck. He was hiding an Apple tattoo he had gotten when he was drunk. It’s possible I just made that up.
So those are my ideas for the top ten worst possible types of tattoos. What are yours? Do you have tattoos? Do you like tattoos? Do you hate tattoos? Is there one you’re dying to get? Do you have one you regret?
Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
Brilliant. I’ve often thought about getting a tattoo – this just put me off! Only kidding. Great post. My hairdresser had a beautiful looking line of arabic writing on her arm and I asked what it meant – expecting something deep – like Peace and Love but it was the title of a Rihann song!
LOL that’s funny! Did you ask why it was in Arabic?
I love tattoos. I even own a tattoo shop! We have seen some ridiculous tattoos over the years. My husband does cover ups, so we get to see some pretty bad work coming in to get covered. I think my favorite was a tattoo that was supposed to be Jim Morrison, but it looked like the serial killer Richard Ramirez! Dirk was able to rework the tattoo, and did manage to make it look like Morrison after a lot of work!
Yes, I know you and your hubby have a tattoo shop! I was looking forward to your comment when I posted this.
People want the craziest things tattooed. I saw a lot of strange ones in the trauma room too.
I have a couple that I love, including the copy of a drawing my son did when he was 6 yrs old- I can’t tell you how many times people tell me it’s the best tattoo they’ve ever seen : )
Worst ones? Anything in Japanese or sanskrit when you’ve been to neither country, or anything with a spelling mistake (have you seen the ‘No Ragrets’ one??
I have a tattoo that says Come At Me Bro. I don’t recommend it.
Do you really?
Seriously? No, I’m just really silly.
That’s too bad!
😊
Not a fan of inking, but this is a great post, Phil
Thanks John!
Kind of off topic but in my bohemian suburb I’ve seen signs recently for ‘vegan tattoos’. It never crossed my mind that tattoos wouldn’t be vegan?!
Hmm…vegan tattoos? That sounds like some sort of clever advertising gimmick
My standing rule on tattoos with my sons is as follows: ‘I don’t mind at all if you get one – just not something unoriginal that everyone else has. Make it something personal for you.’ My youngest son just got a keyboard tattoo around his upper arm – he’s a music major and it’s been his obsession for the past eight years. Perfect for him.
That’s a great one! My son has a few music themed tattoos too
Tattoos are an expression of art. So many are judged by them, unfairly. I don’t have any but am considering one. My daughter thinks we should both get the parabatai ruin (Shadowhunters). I just might do it
I agree with you. I think tattoos are a great way of personal expression as well as beautiful art
Fortunately, I made all my lousy decisions before tattoos became all the rage.
I don’t have any but I’ve seen some beautiful tatoos. Also, some not so. The one that always gets me is the teardrop on the face.
You’re making me regret the clown penis I have tattooed on my forehead.
I have 9, and getting my first coverup work done next Friday. I stupidly allowed an apprentice do my first tattoo, 14 years ago and he did a terrible job at lining it up straight. 🤦🏼♀️ I’m surely addicted to ink at this point but also smart enough not to brand. myself with anyone’s name or logo.
I’ve got 5. And I did have one done by a rookie that I later had to have improved
I’m super excited to get the coverup. There is no improving because it is far too off center and right where my neck meets my back.
Neck tattoos scream white trash or future jail cell mate. 😆
I have 5 tattoos and want another; just trying to find a place that I can stick it at without it showing too much. I’m running out of room. And I’ve gotta save up $$ for it. The thing I like to do is when I go out of town/state I like to get inked or pierced. I got 2 tattoos in Mexico and one in Florida on spring break. The other two were in the town I reside. Oh yea, and a belly ring there also. Nose pierced in New Orleans. Next place I go, i have to save enough $$ for my 6th tattoo! Crossing my fingers I’m brave enough. They are all small; even after 5, I still get nervous. And thankfully, none of the tattoos I have are on this list. I expected my infinity tattoo with the small birds flying off would be on this list. 😆 it has a sentimental flair though. That’s my story. Got it on the top of my foot though. Has to get it twice. After the first time, I went and put myself in a lake/creek/sun. It faded. And the second time I got it done, that crap hurrttttt! I’d probably still do it again. Nice post!!
I’ve got 5 myself. Generally I try to keep them where they don’t show most of the time. Thinking about what my 6th should be…
I know what I’d like my next one to be. It’s a John Mayer themed tattoo. Not his lyrics but a picture that represents two songs. One especially, is good stuff. Is that cheesy? I love me some John! 😉
Nothing is cheesy if you love it
Where’s the picture of all your tattoos?! I’d love a tattoo or several, but I have major needle phobia. Maybe, one day I’ll take enough valium to allow me to get one.
The needles are like the type they stick and you for medical procedures. I don’t know that seeing what they use with trigger any medical phobia that you have
I’m not going to lie though, it does hurt a bit
A friend of mine got a tattoo that said ‘my first tattoo’ on his forearm.
That’s ridiculous but no more so than so many other ideas
A lot of people think they’re safe getting superhero tattoos, but Steve Rogers proved them wrong; everyone walking around with his stupid bullseye logo is now a suspected Hydra agent.
I suppose if I was to get anything, it would be the phrase “drunken mistake” in a language so obscure no one could call me on spelling or translation errors.
How about one that says The Phil Factor?
Great! Until you get arrested in Des Moines for indecent exposure…
I don’t have tattoos, Phil. The idea horrifies me. I understand that people who have permanent eye liner tattooed around their eyes end up with sagging and a line in the middle of nowhere.
I have a few tattoos discretely placed, but I don’t understand permanent make up