Eurovision is a Jerk

Posted on May 12, 2018 | 28 Comments

For those of you not yet aware of the Eurovision song contest, it’s basically American Idol, but it’s an epic worldwide contest where each country sends one singer. Why isn’t America invited? Because they fear us, that’s why! I am hearby declaring this blog post a petition to Eurovision to have the U.S. winner of American Idol be our representative in a Eurovision Song Contest. We’re the United States of America for cripes sake! We can’t let the rest of the world doing things better than us!

( Photo by Pedro Fiúza/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

Eurovision has been going on since 1956, the same year that The Simpsons started! It was originally begun as a way to promote peace and harmony among the nations. Look Eurovision people, right now, the United States is the country most likely to start a war. If you want to promote peace, let us in, or Donald Trump will threaten to bomb you. Of course, he’ll also probably want to be the United States contestant because he thinks he’s best in the world at everything.

Salvador Sobral, the winner at the Eurovision Grand Final on May 14, 2017 in Ukraine. Photo by Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images)

You know what would be great to promote peace? Use the Eurovision song contest to settle international beefs between countries. How about a rap battle between North Korea’s Kim Jon Un and Donald Trump? Here’s how that might go:

D. Trump: Your country North Korea sounds like diarrhea. You say you got nukes well put up your dukes.  

Kim Jong Un: The United States is high and mighty, but if you go to war with me you’ll soil your tighty whities! 

See? How much fun would that be? C’mon Eurovision! Don’t be a jerk! If you want to promote peace let the whole world in! I’m pretty sure that Australia isn’t in Europe but you let them in because of the almost British accent they have. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

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28 responses to “Eurovision is a Jerk”

  1. Yvonne | May 12, 2018 at 7:02 am | Reply

    And, I hope Australia wins!

  2. ksbeth | May 12, 2018 at 7:58 am | Reply

    i wondered about this contest –

  3. itsgoodtobecrazysometimes | May 12, 2018 at 10:53 am | Reply

    I love Eurovision, I am gearing up for it now. 4 hours left 🙂

  4. John W. Howell | May 12, 2018 at 11:15 am | Reply

    Hahaha. 😀

  5. Midlife Smarts | May 13, 2018 at 5:18 am | Reply

    Haha Good one. All I can say is bring back Bucks Fizz with Making Your Mind Up. Eurovision never been the same since!

  6. thebeasley | May 13, 2018 at 6:23 am | Reply

    Because if we let you in too, you’ll probably be really good and then win every year, so no one else will get a look in. We’re preserving our chances of winning….which at the moment seems to be nil.

    • Phil Taylor | May 13, 2018 at 7:16 am | Reply

      I don’t think the States would win every year. Our singers are no better than anyone elses. If Australia gets in, I think we need to be in too. And Canada, I’ll vouch for them. They’re good people.

  7. a mindful traveler | May 13, 2018 at 8:52 am | Reply

    Go Aussies alright, we’re rootin’ (which means cheering!) for Jessica!! 😉

  8. Losing the Plot | May 13, 2018 at 9:26 am | Reply

    It always baffled me why Israel was in a European competition, now that Australia is in is it even a European thing any more? It’s all got a bit wierd to be honest

  9. Diana Frajman | May 13, 2018 at 11:45 am | Reply

    I think I just wet my Canadian tighty whities laughing so hard.

  10. namingmyvoice | May 15, 2018 at 7:11 am | Reply

    letting the whole world in would change the contest. there would be too many countries.

    • Phil Taylor | May 15, 2018 at 7:43 am | Reply

      They’ve already went in Israel and Australia. On my globe neither of those anywhere near Europe.

      • namingmyvoice | May 15, 2018 at 7:49 am |

        you`re right, but they`re members of the EBU. so are Azerbaijan and Armenia, that also participate in the Eurovision Song Contest and also are outside Europe. and no, the UK will still be allowed to participate when they leave the EU. Norway isn`t in the EU, but are participating. 🙂

      • Phil Taylor | May 15, 2018 at 7:58 am |

        I still think world vision contest would be great. It would be like the Olympics of singing

      • namingmyvoice | May 15, 2018 at 8:00 am |

        maybe, but I think it`d be “too much”, haha. about 40 countries every year is more than enough, in my opinion. how would the contest handle many more countries than that?

      • Phil Taylor | May 15, 2018 at 8:21 am |

        The Olympics manages to do it

      • namingmyvoice | May 15, 2018 at 8:30 am |

        it lastes for more than three days, though. (now I`m counting what we viewers get to see on TV of the Eurovision Song Contest and what is the actual competition, but of course they have meet and greets, rehearsals etc. before the semi-finals and the grand final).

      • Phil Taylor | May 15, 2018 at 9:14 am |

        I think they could do a World vision and stretch it out over six months

    • Phil Taylor | May 15, 2018 at 7:44 am | Reply

      And, once the UK leaves the EU , Will they get kicked out of Eurovision?

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