Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. If I wasn’t a full grown adult I’d dress up and go Trick or Treating. I do have some pet peeves though about people who don’t share my love of this holiday.
10. “Fun Size” candy: There is nothing fun about a candy bar so small that it wouldn’t give a sugar rush to a hummingbird. For cripes sake! It’s once a year, you can splurge for the full size.
9. Turning Out Your Lights: Are you the house that turns out your lights and hides in a back room pretending you’re not home? We hate you and you deserve to have your house egged.
8. Making it about religion: Lighten up Francis! (If you know what movie that quote came from put your answer in the comments) The kids aren’t worshiping Satan, they’re worshiping a sugar buzz. Once someone in my neighborhood was handing out popcorn balls with religious notes attached to them. If I knew who it was I’d have called the police.
This isn’t me, but I wish it was
7. Handing out popcorn balls or apples or pencils or McDonald’s coupons. When I was a kid we were told never to take the apples because there might be a razor blade in them. Now the health food nuts are giving them out like candy.
6. Not having Halloween in your neighborhood: I hate when groups of parents decide they’ll have a neighborhood party or that the kids will trick or treat at the local shopping mall. Geez! How did these people grow up and at what age did the demon suck out their souls? Theirs are the kids who will rebel later and get arrested for egging houses or putting flaming bags of poop on someone’s front porch.
5. Not allowing re-visits: If a kid has the endurance and initiative to make a second lap around the neighborhood, more power to them! They’re getting exercise. If they have a different costume second time around I give bonus candy.
4. Adults who don’t dress up: If you don’t wear something Halloweeny to work on today or refuse to answer your door for the kids tonight then just click out of this page, close your browser and don’t ever come back.
3. Women who think men don’t respect the sexy Halloween costumes: Memo to ladies: Men hate cutesy couples costumes. Let us be Batman or an Army guy and you can be the Sexy Nurse, Sexy Zombie, Sexy Football Player, Slutty Pumpkin. (Btw, if you get the Slutty Pumpkin reference put it in the comments) Whatever. We don’t care. Just dress up and let your inner sexy self out.
http://www.wearyourbeer.com2. People who don’t decorate their house: I want to start a neighborhood where over the top Halloween decorating is mandatory. If you don’t, you have to move out immediately or the rest of the neighbors will egg and toilet paper your house every day until next Halloween.
1. The fixed Oct. 31st date: When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that Halloween will occur on the last Saturday of September regardless of the date. In September so there’s better weather for the kids to go out and on the last Saturday so we can all have parties, the kids can stay up late and we can all relax, sleep in and take down our decorations the next day.
As always if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
This is a hilarious list, Phil. đ May your Halloween be filled with mischief and pranks!
Thanks Gwen! I hope you enjoy yours as well!
Haha, Phil, I enjoyed this post. We don’t really have Halloween here in South Africa.
Thatâs too bad. Maybe you can start the new tradition!
Halloween rocks! And I agree, if you canât get on board at least stop trying to suck all the fun out it for others. Move to Greenland why donât you! We love our ghouls and ghosties.
Does Greenland not have Halloween? Someone else just commented that South Africa doesnât have it either! I need to fix that!
Actually, I don’t know if they celebrate or not. I was just trying to think of an inhospitable place to send the non reveling sods.
All those people ought to be run out of town. Think Honduras will take em?
I’m normally with you on your plans for laws when you’re elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first… But I’m not sure about this one.
If Halloween doesn’t fall on Saturday, then I can go to a weekend halloween party AND give candy to children. If it’s always on the Saturday, then I’ll head out to a party…and I am pretty sure if I’m not at home, my husband will turn off the lights so he doesn’t have to speak to children.
I donât think I can change a good law just because your husband is not festive
Ah well. The kids will have to miss out.
Definitely number 1! Nobody actually recognizes the Celtic roots of this festival so why not have it on a time when people can really revel in it? I don’t l know the film that “Lighten Up Francis” comes from, but it’s also the title of a song by Maynard James Keenan (Puscifer).
âLighten up Francisâ is from the 1980âs Bill Murray movie Stripes
Yes, I looked it up after I posted my commentâprobably should have done it before, considering I was holding a device that could connect me to Google!
I don’t enjoy Halloween, but I do my best to make sure those who do have a good time. In our community, tonight was THE night.
I just discovered that there are places where they donât celebrate Halloween on Halloween. Iâm a little confused as to why that is?
I love Halloween! I always hated the apples and popcorn balls on Halloween. Once, one of the neighbors actually gave out toothbrushes instead of candy! That didn’t go over too well with us kids!!!!
Enjoyed your post!
GADS! I hate Halloween on SO many levels; and even wrote about why. However, our former neighborhood (where we lived in town) was ‘the’ best place in town for trick-or-treating. It was a remarkably safe neighborhood of many apartments, so there we more doors to knock on within minimal proximity of each other than anywhere else in town. There were very few children in the neighborhood, and none in my direct neighborhood. Yet, on Halloween, we were inundated with young trick-or-treaters! Some came over from the better neighborhoods where they wold have needed to walk much farther between each home. Others arrived by mini vans with bumper stickers from schools in eastern San Jose and other regions on the far side of the Santa Clara Valley (several miles away), where their parents probably did not want them out at night. As much as I HATE Halloween, it was impossible to not appreciate all the kids enjoying trick-or-treating so much. It was one of the few Holidays that I really got to splurge on, and gave kids handfuls of candy.