What do I want to be when I grow up? Obviously I’ve tipped you off with the title. I’ve decided that my next career will to be a “Scientist.” I’m not going to be just any kind of scientist though. I want to be the Neil deGrasse Tyson type of scientist. Here’s why: I just read an news article that said that scientists have determined that Saturn is losing it’s rings.
And how did they determine that Saturn is losing it’s rings? From images sent by a satellite. “The rings are being pulled into the planet “by gravity as a dusty rain of ice particles under the influence of Saturn’s magnetic field,” NASA said. From this alone, the entire ring system will be gone in 300 million years,” O’Donoghue said in a statement.
Gasp! Oh no! In 300 million years we wont be able to see Saturn’s rings? Oh no! They’ve been such a big part of my life. What will I do without them? Raise your hands, who here has ever seen Saturn’s rings, like for real, not just in a cartoon picture on TV or in a book? Umm…let’s see one, two, three… oh yes, that’s right, the answer is zero. ZERO! No one has seen the rings and how do they effect our lives? Scientists, do you have an answer for that? Nope. Didn’t think so.
He may not have my tie collection, but he does wear some dope ass vests
What I’m getting at is that a lot of “scientists” do a whole lot off nothing and get paid pretty well to do it. The satellite that sent back the Saturn rings footage probably left Earth fifteen years ago. So these “scientists” have been showing up for work for fifteen years just waiting for a picture of Saturn. Then maybe the rings will disappear in 300 million years?!!? That’s the best you can come up with? Seriously, no one on Earth right now will be around to fact check that in 300 million years. If I’ve got that kind of latitude, if I can’t ever be proven wrong, I’m going to make up some really good stuff. Here’s some future headlines from my future career as a scientist:
Scientist Phil declares that Saturn’s rings will detach from planet and careen through the solar system before slicing Earth in half in 300 million years.
Earth will lose it’s gravity in 300 million years.
The Phil Factor will be world’s most popular blog in 300 million years
Keeping Up With The Kardashians will be renewed for it’s 300 millionth season.
See? If you’re going to be a scientist, that’s what we want to hear. That last one might be true though. When I grow up, if I can’t be Batman, I wanna be a Scientist! If you want to read another hilarious posts you might want to click on : Hey Scientists! Shut the H#ll up!
Have a great Sunday! ~Phil
thanks to the other dr. phil )
Make sure you pick carefully. You don’t want to end up somewhere where they actually expect you to publish interesting articles
I write here all the time. I’ll just make some sciences stuff up!
Haha very true
Admit it, you really don’t care about being a scientist… you just want to be Neil deGrasse Tyson. But who can blame you?
Where is this place called Saturn anyway? Tennessee? Alaska? Hawaii? And why has it got so many ring roads going round it? I reckon the town will have disappeared before its rings.
In 300 million years, they’re gonna be like “We paid that Phil guy too much for his science-y predictions–none of them came true”.
I think you should also give out the winning lotto numbers in 300 million years. Fun post.
Thanks for sharing that vest. 👍Whoa.
Well, for one I doubt that these astronomers were only doing this as part of their research. Regardless of that, there is value in doing basic research for the simple reason that we don’t know what we don’t know, and thus can’t be sure what discoveries we might find.
When the first people made microscopes and started looking at seemingly empty surfaces, I reckon quite a few people questioned the value in that. After all, you can clearly see that there is nothing there. But we now know that what was discovered were microorganisms, and this founded germ theory which is invaluable for our society today.
Another more technical example is the discovery of heat resistant RNA polymerases from microorganisms in hot springs. What’s the point in looking for germs there, surely there’s something better the scientists could’ve spent their time on? But as it turns out they discovered these polymerases which are fundamental to all genetic and molecular biology research today.
You never know what you might find or learn, so it’s always a good idea to look.