Last weekend I swear that I had breakfast in a cafe at a table next to Big Bang’s Sheldon and Amy. You know how characters in television shows are caricatures or exaggerations of stereotypes of groups of people? I first watched The Big Bang Theory years ago when it was a new show and I thought to myself, “There’s not that many nerd jokes. How long can this show possibly last?” Apparently the answer to that is twelve years. And apparently that show is not an exaggeration of actual nerds.
Last weekend my wife and I went to a vegan cafe. I think that last sentence might be the weirdest thing I write today. I’m not exactly vegan. I’m vegan-ish, or vegan adjacent if you will. Oddly, I don’t have too much mockery of the vegan lifestyle yet. Anyway, back to Sheldon and Amy. So, at a vegan cafe, as you would suspect, it’s a hipster haven, full of vegan twenty-somethings in knit hats who, after they finish their half-caff caramel mocha frappucinno made with coconut milk, are off to picket the local supermarket for using plastic bags that cause dolphins to choke, even though we’re land-locked, at least a thousand miles from an ocean and dolphins never venture this far north.
As I was enjoying a stack of vegan pancakes the size of my head, I heard from the table next to me “Carbon nanotubes…”. I ignored the first mention of carbon nanotubes, because really, who cares about carbon nanotubes, unless they are actually in my delicious stack of vegan pancakes? But then I heard it again. Carbon nanotubes. And again like the slow dripping of a faucet that doesn’t stop and keeps you up at night. Carbon nanotubes are the best! I have to admit that after a while, his douchey pretentiousness was wearing off on me and I began to wonder about carbon nanotubes and whether I could shove them up his nose until they punctured his brain.
But oh no, the conversation wasn’t one sided. Sheldon’s girlfriend Amy had to join the fun. After Sheldon said, “Carbon is easily my favorite element, (what a maroon, Neptunium is easily the best element) Mrs. Carbon Nanotube replied, “Enzymes are awesome. We would be so fucked if we didn’t have enzymes!” At that moment, I exuberantly said to my wife, “Pancakes are awesome. We would be so fucked if we didn’t have pancakes!”
Have a great Monday and enjoy your pancakes and enzymes, because enzymes are awesome. ~Phil
*All pictures, except the pancakes, are property of CBS
Vegan adjacent? I’m totally co opting that for future conversations. Not only do I live across the street from
the Maine version of Sheldon and Amy (organic vegetable farmers) … I have lettuce in my fridge. If that’s not vegan adjacent, I don’t know what is.
Feel free to co-opt vegan-adjacent. Yes, I imagine in Maine there must be a lot of organic granola farmers
+1 to the theft. Because I eat plenty of animal products but get picky about the source and have developed an aversion to them outside of dietary purposes. Why is there no word for this? Oh wait… there is now!
We would be so fucked without pancakes, wouldn’t we?
There are actually real people who talk like that in real life?
One wonders just what their day-to-day existence is like.
Yes, I swear I didn’t make up any of their conversation. They were real people as far as I could tell. I’m mostly concerned for the kids that they may have in the future if they can figure out sex
Oh my gawd they’re trying soooo hard I just wanna squish their widdle faces! So cute!
I beg to differ, but Palladium is the best element;-)
I guess we will have to agree to disagree