Muh-Muh-Muh My Corona (virus)!

What’s more surprising, the fact that I awoke from my hibernation to write a blog post, or that I’m going to make fun of a disease that could be the end of the human race? I say neither.

In fact, ancient soothsayer Nostradamus predicted both the disease and my blog writing resurrection when he said, “During the reign of the orange one a disease shall cull the human herd but will be cessaverunt by the oldest of bloggers. Well, he’s not the oldest, but he’s been doing it the longest. It’s Phil. I’m talking about Phil alright. What the f*ck is blogging? I have no idea. I just hear things in my head.” Shortly thereafter Nostradamus had his medication adjusted and he stopped mentioning me.

As a kid growing up, (yes I know that the ‘growing up’ part of this sentence is debatable) my way to cope with things that scared me, like scary movies and the fact that in the 1970’s there were no laws requiring parents to actually do any parenting, was to make fun of them until they go away. Buckle up buttercup, I think I’ve got a lot to say about this “Coronavirus” nonsense.

Let’s face it, if the Coronavirus can fell the mighty Tom Hanks, what hope is there for the rest of us? Well let me tell you, there’s a lot of hope and me and Tom Hanks will guide you through it. They say laughter is the best medicine, so I’m going to try to inoculate all of you. Take that any way you want ; ). Look at me using the old school emoji. How funny is that?  It’s funny, but not funny enough to kill the coronavirus, so I guess me and Tom better get to work.

One of my favorite stories that’s come out of the Coronavirus mania is the story of a bright, entrepreneurial teen in the United Kingdom, who was suspended from school for the day after selling “squirts” of hand sanitizer to his friends at Dixons Unity Academy in Leeds. Suspend him? Are you kidding? He should have been awarded an MBA degree and made the president of some company!

He only made about $11.00 American and when asked what he was going to do with his profits he said he bought a bag of Doritos – and plans to buy a kebab with the rest of his cash. OK, so maybe he’s not that bright.

That picture of empty store shelves is what the toilet paper/paper towel aisle looks like in every store in America. That’s crazy. Even if you get quarantined, how much pooping do you plan to do? I don’t recall any mention of explosive diarrhea being one of the symptoms of the Coronavirus and yet everyone is stocking up on toilet paper and paper towels as if they’re made of solid gold. And my assumption is that the paper towels are gone because people are worried about what they will use when they run out of toilet paper! Let’s say, hypothetically, that I become ill with the Coronavirus and my daily poop volume were to double. I’m sure I wouldn’t need forty rolls of toilet paper on hand. Again, I ask you, how much pooping do these people think they’re going to be doing?!!?

And for cripes sake, wouldn’t it be nice to watch five minutes of news without hearing the word “coronavirus”?!!? I’m tempted to knock off a liquor store naked while wearing a Trump mask just to give the local news something else to talk about.

That’s it for me today. Thanks again for stopping by #ThePhilFactor and I truly hope you and your family are well. Have a great weekend, unless you’re spending it all pooping. ~Phil

#PHIL2020

19 responses to “Muh-Muh-Muh My Corona (virus)!

  1. Absolutely hilarious, Phil. It’s so good to laugh – it makes facing challenges a lot easier!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Epic That pic with Ebola Extra :))

    Liked by 2 people

  3. That was awesome! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One side benefit of the Covid-19 deal is it flushed you out of your Howard Hughes like exile. Good to have a laugh courtesy of Phil.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. For many years people wondered who Phil was that Nostradamus was talking about.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I agree that buying all the toilet paper is crazy and yet I found myself buying some today.

    Like

  7. Thank you, Phil. We need some giggles right now. I remember the days when I had to use newspaper in an out house. Ah, well, what goes around comes back around.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I know, crazy isn’t it. A disease threatens and what do people panic buy? Fresh oranges? Vitamin C capsules? Lemon and ginger? No, toilet paper! Gee. If you run out, just dive into the shower after doing your business! Or is that too much information?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I hope it doesn’t take another plague to get another blog post out of you! And the toilet paper thing just justifies my belief that people have become more stupid, which in itself is apocalyptic!

    Liked by 1 person

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