I Look Great in My Genes

After sending my spit to 23andMe in early December I waited with great anticipation to see what insights I could glean from my genetic analysis. Would I actually be Pat Sajak‘s nephew as I might have once claimed in an effort to impress girls? Or even worse yet, related to one of you? Would I have a genetic marker for a terrible disease? Would my ancestry come from countries I hadn’t anticipated? Or would I learn a bunch of obscure, weird stuff that no one really needs to know?

The answer is of course that I learned a bunch of really weird stuff.

Yes,  I learned the mundane things like 99.6% of my ancestry is from the British Isles. I’m Irish, English and Scottish. No surprises there. But there was one tiny surprise. Apparently my great, great, great grandmother must have gotten jiggy with someone during her spring break in Finland back in 1820. 0.3% of my DNA is of Finnish ancestry. Who knows, maybe I’m heir to the throne.

Now let’s get to the weird stuff! 

-My genes show that if I eat asparagus, I’m likely to be able to notice that my urine smells bad later.  Oddly, I’ve never been an asparagus eater anyway.

-I’m less likely than average to have a bunion! Check. No bunions yet! I think I may pursue a career as a foot model! 

-I have slightly higher odds of disliking cilantro. I don’t even know what cilantro tastes like. 

-My muscle composition is common in elite power athletes. Quite obviously I have used my superior muscles for blogging. I typed this whole thing in two minutes and eighteen seconds. 

-I’m likely to have “wet earwax”. Oddly, I really don’t ever have earwax, but if I did, I wouldn’t want it to be wet. Eeew!

-I’m less likely to have a fear of heights. This checks out. I’m typing this from my treehouse

-I’m likely to be bitten less frequently by mosquitos. I’ve never once had malaria

-I’m less likely to have stretch marks! That’s true. I have three kids but the skin on my stomach is as pristine as porcelain. 

-I’m likely to wake up at 7:32 a.m. They are way off on this one. 

-My big toe is likely longer than my second toe. That’s true. Like I said, foot modeling career here I come! 

Yes, those were all insights that I gained from my genetic analysis. There were others that were less interesting, like maybe a slightly higher likelihood of eventually coming down with certain diseases as I age, which is the case with everyone. I didn’t find any shockers or any new family members (Sorry Pat Sajak). But as I said, look for my feet in national ads soon. Maybe I’ll be a foot double for some actor with hideous feet! The possibilities are endless! My gene analysis has opened up a world of opportunity !

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