The Top Ten New Years Resolutions For Humanity

Picture credit TimeOut.com/Miami

We’ve all heard the saying that “Life’s a b**ch and then you die,” right? I chose to use that phrase paired with that picture above because I’d like all of humanity to change the phrase  to “Life’s a beach and then you die.” 

Let’s face it, as a group, humans have royally fudged up the last few years. It didn’t used to be this hard. Regardless of which side of anything that you’re on, wouldn’t you like to go through 2022 without being angry about something every single effing day? Life should be a beach, right?

I’m pissed at all of humanity, myself included, and going forward I’d like us to follow these simple rules:

10. Less guns, more puns: That’s easy to remember, right? If you’re mad at someone, just make fun of the situation. Not your perceived enemy, but look for the humor in the situation. If you need an audience to laugh at your joke, tell your friends, and if you’re clever enough, people will support you.

9. Get out of your head and into theirs: Guess what Einstein, your perspective isn’t the only one. It’s also possible that it’s not the right one. I could be wrong about this and someone reading it thinks so. Guess what? It’s ok for there to be a different opinion than mine. The Amish haven’t worried about our opinion for centuries and they seem to be pretty damn peaceful. (Yes, that picture above is actual Amish at the beach in Sarasota, Florida.)

8. Embrace change: Just because something’s always been that way doesn’t mean it should always be that way. If that was the case, we’d still be dialing phones attached to the wall and rewinding our VHS tapes. Instead we’re watching Elon Musk, which sounds like the name of a French cologne, give people joyrides in outer space. Try to recognize when you’re holding onto old ideas or habits that no longer work.

7. Make different friends: Some day, maybe tomorrow or the day after, try to become friends with someone different than you. They could be a different nationality or color of skin. Maybe someone with more or less money than you. It could be the head of your company or the janitor. They could be someone with a physical disability or chronic illness. It could even be someone (gasp) loyal to another political party!

6. Think for yourself: Let’s face it, in every country in the world, the media is biased. Make up your own mind. Look for facts and follow them to a logical conclusion. We are all smart enough to sniff out b.s. when we hear it. Do it and don’t be a sheep.

5. Get the shots: This one is pretty easy. If you get Covid, then go home and get a loved one sick and they die, how will you feel? Caveat: If you have a legitimate religious or medical exemption that’s cool. If you don’t get the shot, wear a mask and wear it right. Your rights do not include the right to infect others with a deadly virus.

4. If you don’t trust your kid to drive your car alone, you shouldn’t trust them to use your guns alone.

3. Be kind to everyone. You never know when you might need their kindness. If you’re kind when you’re doing well, then people will be kind to you when you’re not.

2. Perspective is like a telescope. You only see what you focus on. Widen your perspective and don’t focus on just the bad stuff. For instance, yes Covid hasn’t been great, but most of us have learned to be comfortable getting things done with new technology. Or maybe we’re closer to our family because of the time spent together.

1. I’m leaving this one blank for you: In the comments, what is one thing that you’d like to see people do more or less of in 2022 so that life will be a beach.

Yes, I know it’s a bit arrogant to think that I might have enough wisdom to do a list like this. As I recall, someone a long time ago made up a top ten list for humanity. I can only hope that mine is a tiny fraction as popular as that one was. Happy New Year to everyone and a sincere thanks for reading The Phil Factor! ~Phil