Tag Archives: funny search terms

HindiFest 2016! (aka Fun with Search Terms)

This isn’t really a post about a festival for my Hindi speaking readers, although Holi is coming up this Wednesday.  This is my quarterly scholarly examination of some of the more unusual search terms that have brought readers to my blog. So, whenever you’re “Googling” something, keep in mind that someone somewhere is reading it and if you don’t log out of your Google account, someone will know who you are.

Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: For the past 12 months this is by far the most frequent search term that has brought readers to my blog. It has become so prevalent that I’m considering starting a dating site for Hindi speaking people.

Horniestintheland: While this may be true, I’m not sure why searching it brings people to my blog.

Butt and boobs switched: I guess I might as well come clean; I did have my butt and boobs switched in an ill fated stunt to increase my popularity. Hey, it worked for Caitlyn Jenner.

Keep on lying to yourself: Hey, you don’t need to tell me twice. I keep telling myself that if I keep blogging I’ll become hugely popular and people will buy my books. It’s a little lie but it keeps me churning out quality content like this.

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People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive: Of course this brings hordes of adoring fans to #ThePhilFactor. I’m just disappointed that I don’t win it every year.

American Idol Phil Taylor: People rarely search this or find out about it, but yes…Remember years ago when certain questionable media outlets alleged that judge Paula Abdul had an affair with a contestant? According to my lawyers I can neither confirm nor deny.

2016 predictions for the world by credible soothsayers: In case you weren’t aware, I am quietly one of the most powerful psychics the world has ever known. Here’s the proof: Read prediction #7 from this post from 2014, then look at this past week’s Life & Style cover:

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हिंदी सेक्स: Translation: Hindi Sex. This came up twice. In Hindi. My blog is accidentally the new Kama Sutra.

Pope McDonalds: Yeah, unfortunately the paparazzi caught me and Pope Francis sneaking out for a quick bite to eat at 3 a.m. after my bachelor party.

Things the Phil needs: Any psychoanalyst worth anything will tell you that my entire blog is a case study of my needs. Of course because of privacy laws they can’t tell you what it reveals about my mental status, but fortunately Four Winds Psych Hospital has great wi-fi so I can keep posting to The Phil Factor.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

These Glutes Are Made For Walking!

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That cartoon above will be me one day. My favorite post every three months is this one. Since I started doing this two years ago I’ve seen others do it too. I’d like to take credit for being the first. You’re welcome. If you come from outside the blogiverse to read this, what I’m talking about is the fact that in our control panel we get to see what search terms people type into Google that bring them to our blogs. So uh, yeah, you may have gotten here by accident, but we know exactly what kind of crazy sickos some of you really are. Without further adieu, here are ten of the most “interesting” search terms that brought people to #ThePhilFactor in the last three months:

10. Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: As I explained previously, Hindi is a language, Hindu is a religion. About 6 months ago I noticed “real sexting conversations to read in Hindi” coming up as a search term bringing people to my blog. I thought it was funny so I wrote a hilarious post about it. Now, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. at least twenty people come to my blog using that search term. Some days more people read my ‘sexting in Hindi’ post than the new post I put up that day. I am now the most popular Hindi dating advice site in the world.

9. Most painful things on Earth: Apparently reading my blog is one of them. People are surprisingly interested in pain. Ever since I wrote this post back in October droves of people have come to my site because they want to know about things that cause pain. I’d think “how to avoid pain” would be more popular.

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8. Yogapantsnono: It’s odd that someone got to my site using this phrase because usually if I see yoga pants I say yes yes, but that’s only because I look so good in them.

7. Charity for disabled rodents: That’s right, all proceeds from sales of merchandise in The Phil Factor Gift Shoppe are donated to buy tiny wheelchairs for rats. Who knows, one might turn out to be the next Stephen Hawking!

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6. Perks of dating a zombi: Apparently Google thinks I’m a dating site for zombies and Hindi’s. That’s right, The Phil Factor brings people together. I’m the Chuck Woolery of the blogging world.

5. People Die at Disney: Why did this bring people to my blog? I can’t say it’s untrue. I’m sure it’s happened there at least once. Those Caribbean pirates do look like an unsavory lot. There goes my chance to get Disney as an advertiser on The Phil Factor. BTW, most of you probably know that when Walt Disney died he had his head cryogenically frozen. I can’t wait to see them bring that back on top of an animatronic robot.

4. Useless things learned in elementary school: That pretty much sums up The Phil Factor.

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3. Fecal impaction cartoon picture: If you weren’t constipated when you started reading this, you are now!

2. I know you don’t need me anymore: Yes, The Phil Factor is the bastion of last resort for the lovelorn and heartbroken. Come find solace in my words. Luckily, if you are on the wrong end of a breakup you can probably find a zombie or Hindi speaking person here who is also looking for a little lovin’.

empowernetwork.com

empowernetwork.com

1. These glutes are made for walking nude: Wasn’t that an old Nancy Sinatra song? The glutes are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these glutes are gonna walk all over you

The genius of this is that for those of you who know that song, it will be stuck in your head all day except you’ll be singing “These glutes are made for walking…” Have a great weekend! ~ Phil