Monk See, Monk Do

So I went to a blood lab to have my blood drawn to see if I’ve finally gotten my cholesterol level lower than my S.A.T. score. I dutifully handed the receptionist my paperwork and proceeded to the empty seat nearest the least objectionable looking person in the waiting room. The little, old lady sitting next to me knitting didn’t look like she’d be any trouble, although I swear she glanced approvingly at my ass as I sat down next to her. Just as long as she didn’t jab me with a knitting needle we’d get along fine for the next 15 minutes. And although she had a weapon, I was pretty sure I could take her in the battle for the shared arm rest.

The waiting room is nearly full and I think to myself, “This is going to be a bit of a wait.” I begin to scan the room looking for a good magazine or newspaper left behind. As my eyes roam, scanning the coat closet, the end tables, and the empty seats I spot something a lot more interesting. Tibetan monks! I had to rub my eyes, refocus and look again to be certain I was seeing what my brain had just told me was there. Sitting across from me, swaddled in orange off-the-shoulder robes and sandals were two Tibetan monks. What?!!? I don’t exactly live in an international metropolis. I live in an average American suburb in upstate New York. Upstate. Not New York City. I’d have to drive 6 hours to get to New York City. There just are not Tibetan monks wandering around my neck of the woods very often.

The monks and I regarded each other warily. There was two of them and one of me. They didn’t appear to be armed, but with those loose robes it was impossible to tell what they might be concealing. I gave them a nod and a slight flex of my biceps as I folded my arms across my chest. If there was going to be any trouble I wanted them to know exactly what they were up against. As the phlebotomist called their names in turn, the monks each went back and returned a few minutes later with a small bandage on the inside of one arm. I was still in my seat, arms folded, maintaining my gaze. By now, I was sure that these two knew just who the alpha-dog in this waiting room was. They spoke to each other in hushed tones as they exited the waiting room. I don’t know Chinese, but I think I heard the words “Phil Factor” just before the door shut behind them. I breathed a sigh of relief as it appeared that the confrontation was over and I thought to myself, “I hope those two morons realize that after Labor Day, the sandals and off-the-shoulder look is completely out of season.”

9 responses to “Monk See, Monk Do

  1. LOL – Sounds like my old hometown has changed A LOT…even the old ladies are spunkier than I remember. 🙂

  2. I think as long as they aren’t in white robes it’s acceptable…

  3. The good thing is I’m pretty sure you don’t go to hell for trying to intimidate a couple of wandering Monks.

    I could be misinformed. Probably.

  4. You are probably the first blogger ever to discuss monks and your ass in the same post…nicely done!

  5. Those monks were sent by me to do some recon before following your blog.

  6. In Buddhism we believe there’s no HEAVEN or HELL…so dun worry Phil 😉


  7. Are you sure they weren’t Hari Krishnahs?! Ya’ know, those every-popular airport-dancing toga-wearing brainwashed…oh you get the point. If I recall correctly (and since I can’t remember what happened 5 minutes ago, chances are I’m <>not<> recalling anything correctly) they wore orange-y robes as well.

    Oh by the way, take that little ass-glimpse from the old lady as a compliment. She needs something to fantasize about too! 😉

  8. HAHA! You showed them alpha dog.

  9. Surprisingly enough, I saw on our local news this morning that the Tibetan Monks are in town having a sand art exhibition! What a coinkidink, huh?!

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