Last week the world mourned the passing of Stephen Hawking, one of the most respected and accomplished physicists on Earth. I’m sure that you looked at my title incredulously, in disbelief that I would speak ill of the dead so soon after his passing. Like Captain James Tiberius Kirk and the Enterprise, I am not afraid to go where no man has gone before.
Hawking’s final paper spells out how he sees the end of life in our universe occurring. Jeez! What a Debbie Downer. Who wants to know that? I want to imagine the Earth and our Universe going on in perpetuity. If the Earth is going to end at some point, do you want to know years ahead so you can worry about it? I sure don’t, but Stephen Hawking just had to rub our noses in it.
Another time he predicted that the Earth will eventually turn into a big ball of fire due to global warming. Come on, lighten up Francis! How about predicting something happy, like the Skittles rainbow becoming a reality? Those are the kinds of predictions I want from our scientists!
He also predicted that humans have about 100 years left on Earth before overpopulation and limited resources will force us to move to outer space. Great, thanks Steve. Say something like that but don’t offer a solution? What a gloomy Gus!
Once he threw a party for time travelers where he sent out the invitations after the party theorizing that the time travelers would travel back in time to go to the party. No one showed up. He said it was because time travel didn’t exist. I think they didn’t show up because they didn’t want to hang out with Steve and his dire predictions. He was probably terrible at small talk at parties.
Me: Hey Steve, what do you think of the Yankees chances this year?
Hawking: It does not matter. The Earth is going to explode before then. We will all be dead.
Me: (holding up my cell phone) Oh! I’m getting a call. Gotta go. (walks away, pretend talking on the phone)
In 2016 he also predicted that artificial intelligence, i.e. robots would be taking over the Earth. Considering his voice, that’s sounds like wishful thinking coming from him.
He also predicted that if aliens visit the Earth, they’re going to be hostile! Did he not see E.T.?
Is it just me or does it seem like Little Steven had an apocalypse fixation. Like all the other apocalypse nuts that predict the end of the Earth every year, Hawking appears to be the boy who cried wolf and then made his grand exit before he could be proven wrong.
And he’s allegedly British. His accent does not sound British at all to me. Probably another tall tale! Fake news!
Yes, I know I was taking a risk with this so soon after his passing, but I wanted to challenge myself and you to find humor in a sad situation. I didn’t mean any disrespect and I assume that Mr. Hawking, who had a sense of humor, would also be able to laugh at himself. Besides, #ThePhilFactor was his favorite blog.
Have a great Saturday! ~Phil