Stephen Hawking Was Kind of A Debbie Downer

Last week the world mourned the passing of Stephen Hawking, one of the most respected and accomplished physicists on Earth. I’m sure that you looked at my title incredulously, in disbelief that I would speak ill of the dead so soon after his passing. Like Captain James Tiberius Kirk and the Enterprise, I am not afraid to go where no man has gone before.

Hawking’s final paper spells out how he sees the end of life in our universe occurring. Jeez! What a Debbie Downer. Who wants to know that? I want to imagine the Earth and our Universe going on in perpetuity. If the Earth is going to end at some point, do you want to know years ahead so you can worry about it? I sure don’t, but Stephen Hawking just had to rub our noses in it.

Another time he predicted that the Earth will eventually turn into a big ball of fire due to global warming. Come on, lighten up Francis! How about predicting something happy, like the Skittles rainbow becoming a reality? Those are the kinds of predictions I want from our scientists!

He also predicted that humans have about 100 years left on Earth before overpopulation and limited resources will force us to move to outer space. Great, thanks Steve. Say something like that but don’t offer a solution? What a gloomy Gus!

Once he threw a party for time travelers where he sent out the invitations after the party theorizing that the time travelers would travel back in time to go to the party. No one showed up. He said it was because time travel didn’t exist. I think they didn’t show up because they didn’t want to hang out with Steve and his dire predictions. He was probably terrible at small talk at parties.

Me: Hey Steve, what do you think of the Yankees chances this year?

Hawking: It does not matter. The Earth is going to explode before then. We will all be dead.

Me: (holding up my cell phone) Oh! I’m getting a call. Gotta go. (walks away, pretend talking on the phone)

In 2016 he also predicted that artificial intelligence, i.e.  robots would be taking over the Earth. Considering his voice, that’s sounds like wishful thinking coming from him.

He also predicted that if aliens visit the Earth, they’re going to be hostile! Did he not see E.T.?

Is it just me or does it seem like Little Steven had an apocalypse fixation. Like all the other apocalypse nuts that predict the end of the Earth every year, Hawking appears to be the boy who cried wolf and then made his grand exit before he could be proven wrong.

And he’s allegedly British. His accent does not sound British at all to me. Probably another tall tale! Fake news!

Yes, I know I was taking a risk with this so soon after his passing, but I wanted to challenge myself and you to find humor in a sad situation. I didn’t mean any disrespect and I assume that Mr. Hawking, who had a sense of humor,  would also be able to laugh at himself. Besides, #ThePhilFactor was his favorite blog.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

TBT! How You Say Goodbye May Say A Lot About You

(03/21/2015) Don’t wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain’t no lie,
Baby Bye, bye, bye…
Bye Bye   ~N’SYNC, Bye, Bye, Bye

Some people are good at good byes and others…not so much. Adios, auf widersehen, good-bye, sayonara, bye, cheerio, buh bye, ciao, and bye bye are all ways to break company with someone. I was going to open this post with song lyrics about good byes from Train, but I couldn’t resist. It’s as if N’SYNC wrote that song just for me. Actually, they did. I was an original member of the group before I left to start The Phil Factor. Me and JT, we’re still cool though.

Parting is not always such sweet sorrow. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad and other times it’s just plain ridiculous. Everyone says their good byes differently, and how you do may say a lot about either you or how you feel about who you’re saying good bye to.

Bye: Short and to the point. Typically used when you either expect to see the other person again soon or you hate them and don’t want to waste your breath using more than one syllable on the other person. Being on the receiving end of such a curt send off is usually not good.

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Who doesn’t love crying James Van der Beek? am I right?

Bye Bye: A childish and demeaning way to part. Whether you’re saying it or you’re on the receiving end, it’s not good, unless you’re four years old. If you’re an adult and you ‘bye bye’ to anyone but your kids, you sound ridiculous. Trust me, it’s especially bad at the end of a job interview. Or eulogy.

Buh-bye: This one can only be delivered two ways: If you have a billion dollars and you’re watching guests leave a party at your palatial estate or if you are saying it dripping with sarcasm to someone you hate. This is how Kim Kardashian ends every marriage.

Usually I hate gifs, but c’mon, bears waving good-bye. How cute is that?

GoodbyeIt’s all in the delivery. If you’re leaving for a long trip and it comes with a hug and a smile it’s all good. If it’s said to you by a super-villain or a guy in a hockey mask, then, as the kids say, shit just got real.

And now it’s time for me to say good bye at the end of the post. Is there a good way to do it in writing? If you’d like to use this post to give someone a message, feel free to share it by hitting the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. From the palatial blogging estate that is #ThePhilFactor, buh-bye and have a great weekend! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Funniest Songs I Know

Chances are that you don’t know many of the artists or songs on this list, but if you want to add something new to your iPhone that will bring a smile to your face when it comes on unexpectedly, I strongly recommend these songs. I’ve excluded parody songs. I’ve provided links to the Youtube videos so you can play them while you read blogs. (Warning: some songs may contain PG-13 language or themes)

10. 88 Lines about 44 Women by The Nails: This song is peppy, upbeat, and from the 80’s but stands the test of time. It’s still in my collection. Video

9. Stacy’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne: This is “Mrs. Robinson” for a new generation.

8. King of Spain by Moxy Fruvous: A hilarious and underrated Canadian band from the 1990’s. Video

7. Chicks Dig It by Chris Cagle: Just so you don’t think I only listen to obscure alternative music I threw in a country song: Video

6. Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot: An ode to well…you know. Video

5. The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang: A ditty honoring sexual euphemisms. If you are easily offended, don’t listen. Video

4. Pretty Fly for a White Guy by The Offspring: The hilarious and true story of my life. Video

3. Girlfriend in a Coma by The Smiths: An amazingly peppy and upbeat song considering the topic. Video

2. Connecticut is for F—— by Jesus H. Christ and The Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse: This always makes any list of my favorite songs of any kind. There was no official video. The one I’ve linked to looks home made. Video


1. Pantera Fans in Love by Nerf Herder: Truth be told, this band could have placed several songs on the list. This isn’t the funniest oone, but the other was so inappropriate that I chose not to sully #ThePhilFactor with it. Video

As always, it’s tough limiting these lists to ten. What are some of your favorite funny songs?

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil


Blogger Award Nominations Close Tomorrow: Do I Get A Nomination?

Do I get a nomination for Funniest Blogger? Well, that’s up to you. I can’t nominate myself. The Annual Bloggers Bash Award Nominations are now open! Click HERE to find out how you can nominate me for Funniest Blogger and others for all the other great blogger categories.

Why should you nominate me for Funniest Blogger? In addition to this list of hilarious posts I published last week, I present to you the funniest top ten lists from #ThePhilFactor:

Ten Blogging Pet Peeves

Ten Reasons I won’t Date Taylor Swift

Ten Signs Your Wife is Cheating with an Amish Guy

Top Ten Perks of Being The Pope

Top Ten Reasons I’m Not Spiderman

Ten Situations That Should Be Solved By a Rap Battle

Ten Sexy Quotes From Yelp Restaurant Reviews

If you like my blog and have a minute or two, click HERE to go to the page where you can nominate me for Funniest Blogger. The nominating window closes at midnight tomorrow. If you do, thank you so much. I really appreciate your support. Have a great evening! ~Phil

Music Monday! Africa by Toto: The Music and The Memes

Feel free to Google “Toto Africa memes” for more. Have a great Monday! ~Phil

Psychics First Date

A man in a turban and a purple velour cape sitting alone at a table in a swanky Italian restaurant. He stands up as he makes eye contact with a woman who has just entered and he gives her a little wave. She acknowledges him and starts to weave her way between tables. Her many chiffon scarves flow freely from her, brushing peoples heads as she passes.

Karnak the Magnificent: “Why hello Esmeralda! Have a seat,”  Karnak says as he pulls out her chair for her.

Esmeralda: “Thank you Karnak. This is a lovely restaurant. However did you choose it?”

K: “This is where my grandparents went on their first date sixty years ago. They’ve always told me the story of their magical first date, and I have a good feeling about you, so I thought it might be a good luck charm for us.”

E: Aww…that’s sweet, but it would be more sweet if your ex-girlfriend didn’t wait tables here and you weren’t bringing me here hoping to make her jealous.

K: “What? That’s preposterous! I love the food here!”

Esmeralda raises an eyebrow.

K: “OK, you got me, but the food is really incredible.” Nodding to waiter, “Yes, Cabernet for both please.” Turning to Esmeralda, “Besides, on your dating profile you said that you’re 28 when you’re really 30.”

E: “So we’ve both started this relationship with little white lies. Fair enough. Let’s try to turn our heads off and get to know each other the old fashioned way.”

K: “Agreed. So Esmeralda, where did you grow up?”

E: Chuckles, “Well, I grew up a little bit almost everywhere. My parents were gypsies who traveled with the circus all over Europe. They read the Tarot cards for a living. How about you?”

K: I was an orphan, raised by Tibetan monks in the mountains of Nepal. I immigrated here to the States with them when I was twelve. They came here to build a monastery in the Hollywood Hills. It’s actually right next to a Scientology resort. Tom Cruise came over and bought an alpaca from us once. So tell me about your travels in Europe. Which country was your favorite?”

E: “I loved all of Europe. It’s hard to pick just one country, but if I have to, I’ll say France. Our circus set up just outside of Paris for several months. The people, the food, the wine. I could see the Eiffel Tower all lit up at night. That was a magical time. So Karnak, how did you come to realize that you’re psychic?”

K: “Huh? I’m sorry. I was lost in thought. What did you say Esmeralda?”

E: “You weren’t lost in thought. You were lost in my cleavage! I can read your mind you idiot. And yes, there are more tattoos. Very interesting ones in very interesting places.”

K: “Ok, if we’re going to get real here, let’s get real. Yes, you’ve been to Paris. Paris, Texas where you grew up. You can drop the hokey accent now Paula. Esmeralda? Please. You look like an Esmeralda about as much as I do!”

E: “You want to get real? You weren’t psychically drawn to my booth down at the boardwalk. You read my profile on Tinder and came and found me, hoping your hokey psychic line would get me!”

K: “Listen Paula, I also know that you’ve been wondering about what’s under my …ahem..(using finger quotes) “turban” all night long.”

E: “Listen Steve, yes, I know your real name, are you as hot as I am right now?”

Karnak/Steve: “You already know I am. My place is just around the corner. Let’s get our food to go.”

Esmeralda/Paula: “And when you say “you’re place” you really mean your parents house and we’re going to sneak in through the walk out basement door in back, right?”

Steve: “I’ve never been so turned on in my life.”

Paula: “Keep the turban on!”

As you can see, being a psychic certainly could be challenging on the dating scene. But if you could be psychic and read minds, would you?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

An Interview with Me?!!? interviewed me about my background and how I got the ideas for my books. If you’re interested you can find the interview HERE

Have a great Friday! ~Phil