TBT! How You Say Goodbye May Say A Lot About You

(03/21/2015) Don’t wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain’t no lie,
Baby Bye, bye, bye…
Bye Bye   ~N’SYNC, Bye, Bye, Bye

Some people are good at good byes and others…not so much. Adios, auf widersehen, good-bye, sayonara, bye, cheerio, buh bye, ciao, and bye bye are all ways to break company with someone. I was going to open this post with song lyrics about good byes from Train, but I couldn’t resist. It’s as if N’SYNC wrote that song just for me. Actually, they did. I was an original member of the group before I left to start The Phil Factor. Me and JT, we’re still cool though.



Parting is not always such sweet sorrow. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad and other times it’s just plain ridiculous. Everyone says their good byes differently, and how you do may say a lot about either you or how you feel about who you’re saying good bye to.

Bye: Short and to the point. Typically used when you either expect to see the other person again soon or you hate them and don’t want to waste your breath using more than one syllable on the other person. Being on the receiving end of such a curt send off is usually not good.

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Who doesn’t love crying James Van der Beek? am I right?

Bye Bye: A childish and demeaning way to part. Whether you’re saying it or you’re on the receiving end, it’s not good, unless you’re four years old. If you’re an adult and you ‘bye bye’ to anyone but your kids, you sound ridiculous. Trust me, it’s especially bad at the end of a job interview. Or eulogy.

Buh-bye: This one can only be delivered two ways: If you have a billion dollars and you’re watching guests leave a party at your palatial estate or if you are saying it dripping with sarcasm to someone you hate. This is how Kim Kardashian ends every marriage.



Usually I hate gifs, but c’mon, bears waving good-bye. How cute is that?

GoodbyeIt’s all in the delivery. If you’re leaving for a long trip and it comes with a hug and a smile it’s all good. If it’s said to you by a super-villain or a guy in a hockey mask, then, as the kids say, shit just got real.

And now it’s time for me to say good bye at the end of the post. Is there a good way to do it in writing? If you’d like to use this post to give someone a message, feel free to share it by hitting the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. From the palatial blogging estate that is #ThePhilFactor, buh-bye and have a great weekend! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Funniest Songs I Know

Chances are that you don’t know many of the artists or songs on this list, but if you want to add something new to your iPhone that will bring a smile to your face when it comes on unexpectedly, I strongly recommend these songs. I’ve excluded parody songs. I’ve provided links to the Youtube videos so you can play them while you read blogs. (Warning: some songs may contain PG-13 language or themes)

10. 88 Lines about 44 Women by The Nails: This song is peppy, upbeat, and from the 80’s but stands the test of time. It’s still in my collection. Video

9. Stacy’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne: This is “Mrs. Robinson” for a new generation.

8. King of Spain by Moxy Fruvous: A hilarious and underrated Canadian band from the 1990’s. Video

7. Chicks Dig It by Chris Cagle: Just so you don’t think I only listen to obscure alternative music I threw in a country song: Video

6. Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot: An ode to well…you know. Video

5. The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang: A ditty honoring sexual euphemisms. If you are easily offended, don’t listen. Video

4. Pretty Fly for a White Guy by The Offspring: The hilarious and true story of my life. Video

3. Girlfriend in a Coma by The Smiths: An amazingly peppy and upbeat song considering the topic. Video

2. Connecticut is for F—— by Jesus H. Christ and The Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse: This always makes any list of my favorite songs of any kind. There was no official video. The one I’ve linked to looks home made. Video


1. Pantera Fans in Love by Nerf Herder: Truth be told, this band could have placed several songs on the list. This isn’t the funniest oone, but the other was so inappropriate that I chose not to sully #ThePhilFactor with it. Video

As always, it’s tough limiting these lists to ten. What are some of your favorite funny songs?

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil


Blogger Award Nominations Close Tomorrow: Do I Get A Nomination?

Do I get a nomination for Funniest Blogger? Well, that’s up to you. I can’t nominate myself. The Annual Bloggers Bash Award Nominations are now open! Click HERE to find out how you can nominate me for Funniest Blogger and others for all the other great blogger categories.

Why should you nominate me for Funniest Blogger? In addition to this list of hilarious posts I published last week, I present to you the funniest top ten lists from #ThePhilFactor:

Ten Blogging Pet Peeves

Ten Reasons I won’t Date Taylor Swift

Ten Signs Your Wife is Cheating with an Amish Guy

Top Ten Perks of Being The Pope

Top Ten Reasons I’m Not Spiderman

Ten Situations That Should Be Solved By a Rap Battle

Ten Sexy Quotes From Yelp Restaurant Reviews

If you like my blog and have a minute or two, click HERE to go to the page where you can nominate me for Funniest Blogger. The nominating window closes at midnight tomorrow. If you do, thank you so much. I really appreciate your support. Have a great evening! ~Phil

Music Monday! Africa by Toto: The Music and The Memes

Feel free to Google “Toto Africa memes” for more. Have a great Monday! ~Phil

Psychics First Date

A man in a turban and a purple velour cape sitting alone at a table in a swanky Italian restaurant. He stands up as he makes eye contact with a woman who has just entered and he gives her a little wave. She acknowledges him and starts to weave her way between tables. Her many chiffon scarves flow freely from her, brushing peoples heads as she passes.

Karnak the Magnificent: “Why hello Esmeralda! Have a seat,”  Karnak says as he pulls out her chair for her.

Esmeralda: “Thank you Karnak. This is a lovely restaurant. However did you choose it?”

K: “This is where my grandparents went on their first date sixty years ago. They’ve always told me the story of their magical first date, and I have a good feeling about you, so I thought it might be a good luck charm for us.”

E: Aww…that’s sweet, but it would be more sweet if your ex-girlfriend didn’t wait tables here and you weren’t bringing me here hoping to make her jealous.

K: “What? That’s preposterous! I love the food here!”

Esmeralda raises an eyebrow.

K: “OK, you got me, but the food is really incredible.” Nodding to waiter, “Yes, Cabernet for both please.” Turning to Esmeralda, “Besides, on your dating profile you said that you’re 28 when you’re really 30.”

E: “So we’ve both started this relationship with little white lies. Fair enough. Let’s try to turn our heads off and get to know each other the old fashioned way.”

K: “Agreed. So Esmeralda, where did you grow up?”

E: Chuckles, “Well, I grew up a little bit almost everywhere. My parents were gypsies who traveled with the circus all over Europe. They read the Tarot cards for a living. How about you?”

K: I was an orphan, raised by Tibetan monks in the mountains of Nepal. I immigrated here to the States with them when I was twelve. They came here to build a monastery in the Hollywood Hills. It’s actually right next to a Scientology resort. Tom Cruise came over and bought an alpaca from us once. So tell me about your travels in Europe. Which country was your favorite?”

E: “I loved all of Europe. It’s hard to pick just one country, but if I have to, I’ll say France. Our circus set up just outside of Paris for several months. The people, the food, the wine. I could see the Eiffel Tower all lit up at night. That was a magical time. So Karnak, how did you come to realize that you’re psychic?”

K: “Huh? I’m sorry. I was lost in thought. What did you say Esmeralda?”

E: “You weren’t lost in thought. You were lost in my cleavage! I can read your mind you idiot. And yes, there are more tattoos. Very interesting ones in very interesting places.”

K: “Ok, if we’re going to get real here, let’s get real. Yes, you’ve been to Paris. Paris, Texas where you grew up. You can drop the hokey accent now Paula. Esmeralda? Please. You look like an Esmeralda about as much as I do!”

E: “You want to get real? You weren’t psychically drawn to my booth down at the boardwalk. You read my profile on Tinder and came and found me, hoping your hokey psychic line would get me!”

K: “Listen Paula, I also know that you’ve been wondering about what’s under my …ahem..(using finger quotes) “turban” all night long.”

E: “Listen Steve, yes, I know your real name, are you as hot as I am right now?”

Karnak/Steve: “You already know I am. My place is just around the corner. Let’s get our food to go.”

Esmeralda/Paula: “And when you say “you’re place” you really mean your parents house and we’re going to sneak in through the walk out basement door in back, right?”

Steve: “I’ve never been so turned on in my life.”

Paula: “Keep the turban on!”

As you can see, being a psychic certainly could be challenging on the dating scene. But if you could be psychic and read minds, would you?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

An Interview with Me?!!?

AllAuthor.com interviewed me about my background and how I got the ideas for my books. If you’re interested you can find the interview HERE

Have a great Friday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! Do You Smell Like a Sociopath?

(03/25/2017) I do. I smell exactly like a sociopath, and you might too.

One line in and I’ve got you wondering, what type of odor do sociopaths give off, and why does Phil smell like one? That’s exactly what I want you to be thinking, because I’m a sociopath and I enjoy manipulating people.

So how exactly do sociopaths smell? Mostly like Axe body spray. Just kidding of course. Only a sociopath like me would slander a popular product and the millions of Tap Out t-shirt wearing, man-bun having guys who use it.

The truth is that sociopaths smell very badly. It’s kind of a minty eucalyptus smell mixed with mustard. No it’s not. Actually, I wouldn’t know what sociopaths smell like because I’m one of them.  If you want to find a sociopath, follow your nose, unless you are a sociopath.

A clinical study showed that people with a poor sense of smell score highly on ratings of sociopathic tendencies. It seems that the area of the brain, the amygdala, that plays a part in social skills is also connected to our ability to differentiate smells.

At a meeting:

Normal person: “Ewww! Who farted? Geez that’s terrible.”

Sociopath: “What? I don’t smell anything.”

In that scenario the sociopath might be telling the truth, but is also lying because he did fart and didn’t care if it bothered anyone.

Imagine the usefulness of this information. At airports instead of pat downs, searching luggage and lengthy interviews, the security agents could now just blindfold the suspicious character and have him or her smell things.

Airport security: Ok, sir. Please step aside. We’re going to blindfold you and have you smell things. (Blindfolds sociopath) Ok, I’m going to put three things near your nose and I want you to tell me what they smell like. Here’s the first one:

Sociopath: Hmm…this is difficult. I think it smells like…umm… a rose.

Airport security: Nope. It was dog poop. Ok, here’s the next one…

Sociopath: Aaah…this is much better. I’m sure about this one. It’s got to be cinnamon.

Airport Security:  (big sigh) No sir, that’s vinegar. Ok, you’ve got one more. Here it is…

Sociopath: Aha! Finally one I know. There’s no doubt about it. That’s Axe body spray and the scent is Phoenix. My favorite!

Airport security: Cuff him!

He was one in Gone Girl and might be one in real life. How could he cheat on poor, beautiful Jen?

Even though the study is about four years old, I heard this information this week and immediately thought of myself. All my life my sense of smell has been  my weakest sense. Also, earlier this week I was discussing with a friend that almost habitually I’m thinking of crimes I could get away with if I was evil. A lot of times when I walk into a store I ‘case the joint’, noticing security cameras, exits etc. I previously thought that it was my writer’s mind gathering details that will be used with fictional characters in the future, but now I wonder if maybe I’m just a sociopath that hasn’t gone bad yet. Hmm… I wonder if a crime spree would boost sales of my books? See? That’s exactly what a sociopath would think! So, what about you? Do you smell like a sociopath?

Before you go, the Annual Bloggers Bash is coming up in May and if you enjoy my work, I’d love a nomination for the Funniest Blogger award. You can do so by clicking HERE.

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil