THIS IS NOT A DRILL! The Last Locked Door is here!

The long awaited sequel to Time To Lie is now available for both Kindle and in paperback thanks to the wonderful folks (aka Jim Bernheimer) at Amber Cove Publishing.

Excerpts from pre-release reader reviews:

Wonderful Sequel by Phil Taylor! This was such a great read! I literally could not put this book down. It was funny, creative, dramatic and sarcastic all rolled into one. The author really knows how to connect the characters with the reader. I cared about each and everyone of them right from the start. So many pop-cultural references — from my college days to the present — that made this book even more enjoyable! ~ Lisa T

Another Great Book by Phil Taylor: I always enjoy reading Phil’s books and this one is no exception. He has a unique writing style that makes it very easy and enjoyable to read… Read Time to Lie first but then go back and read his others books too! ~K. Steward

This is the sequel to Time To Lie, and if you haven’t read that, why not? Want to get in at the start of a great series? You can get Time To Lie Kindle edition for FREE from today until April 30th! It’s a time traveling suspense mystery and you can ride shotgun with Landon in this thriller as he unravels the puzzle just in time!

Don’t fear though, there’s enough laughs to keep you entertained and enough heart to keep you rooting for Landon and his friends. Want a fun weekend read? These books are the perfect length for that!

Sincerely, if you do take the time to read my books, I am grateful. I know that as a reader many of you take your time and book choices seriously, so I understand the ultimate compliment you give me when you choose to read one of my books. Here’s the direct links to Amazon:

The Last Locked Door: Kindle edition

The Last Locked Door: Paperback

If you would like to read and review my book on your blog, just say so in the comments and I will get you a free Kindle copy! Also, the best thing you can do to help your favorite author, me or someone else, is to write a short review on Amazon after finishing the book. Have a great weekend and happy reading! ~Phil

Coming Soon!

It’s the long awaited sequel to Time To Lie!

Landon has only scratched the surface…

Landon barely survived his freshman year at college, and he’s discovering that he has only scratched the surface of his time traveling powers. He plans to do good with his newfound powers, but a murderous pair of mystery men would kill to stop him.

His hilarious friends are back with him for his sophomore year at college and as he’s making new friends, he’s also learning that no one can be trusted, maybe not even those in his inner circle.

Landon meets a beguiling but mysterious girl who intrigues him with the possibility that she can see inside his soul and into the future. Is she for real, and will she steal him away from his beloved Siobhan?

There’s treachery at every turn and Landon is in a time traveling fight for his life and many others. He knows that he can’t do this alone, but who can he trust?

The truth is just a lie you’ve chosen to believe, and yours may be different than mine.

If you enjoyed the first one, you’re in for plenty of new surprises in this one. If you didn’t read the Time To Lie, why not? It’s available for Kindle, Audible, and in paperback. It’s a fun, fast read. Get caught up on the story and get ready for The Last Locked Door (at the end of the universe). If you’d like to get a free Kindle copy of The Last Locked Door in exchange for a review on Amazon, just say so in the comments and I’ll add you to the exclusive list of early edition reviewers.

~Phil

Happy 14th Blogiversary To Me!

I like to mark important dates in my life, and this is one of my favorites every year. Yes, “blogiversary” is a word. It’s a word because I’m celebrating the birth of The Phil Factor on April 3rd, 2005. And because I’m the only blogger here who has been around for 14 years I’m going to take credit for inventing the word Blogiversary. Truth be told, I think I might be only the third oldest blog in world history behind this wonderfully nice woman from New Zealand and some guy who’s been blogging about video games since they were on floppy discs. Sheesh! He needs to get a life, am I right?

In my fourteen years I’ve met many wonderful friends through blogging. As a group I think bloggers are the nicest people I’ve never met.

To celebrate my 14th blogiversary I’ll give you the fourteen most popular posts in Phil Factor history. Enjoy!

14. 2016 Predictions from a Legit Psychic: People seem to like predictions. I think this did well because I included a Bieber and a Kardashian.

13. Me and Billie Joe ArmstrongOne of my favorites and a favorite by music lovers, and yet still no interview with Green Day.

12. Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Funny Tweets I do love my Twitter.

11. Liar, Liar Pants on Fire: The Interview with Magician James DavidA unique chance meeting led to this post with a unique guy, and he is now The Official Magician of The Phil Factor. 

10. People Are Stupid So Why Should It BeIt’s possible that people are so stupid that they thought this had something to do with REM. It doesn’t but I did have some good ranting about stupid people all around us..

9. About MeApparently some of my readers are curious about me as a person. It’s absolutely riveting reading.

8. The Ten Most Painful Things That Have Ever Happened To Me: I was very surprised at how many people are interested in pain.

7. Ten Idiotic Things Celebrities Have BoughtA fool and their money are soon parted

6. The Top Ten Psychic Pick Up LinesIt turns out that psychics need a lot of help making a love connection

5. The Rolling Stones Are Liars: My Class ReunionThe class reunion. An American institution. Not surprisingly, this was a nostalgic look back. Admittedly, I do nostalgia well. I should probably give up the jokes.

4. Meet The Author: Christopher Moore (yes that Christopher Moore) One of my nicest interview subjects ever and when he shared the interview to his social media it did very well.

3. Three Things… The fact that this did so well is an ode to search engine optimization. It’s just some idiotic jokes about a few popular celebrities.

2. Real Sexting Conversations To Read In HindiIt turns out that the horny Hindi speaking folks want help with sexting and I accidentally stumbled into that.

1. Twitter People vs. Facebook PeopleThis 2013 post was the top trending humor topic on Reddit for over 24 hours and I got over 17,000 views that day. I thought the WordPress stats software was broken.

Those 14 posts are a nice slice of the last five years, when I migrated my Blogger blog to WordPress. Feel free to scroll all the way back to April of 2005 if you want over a decade of my inane thoughts. Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my idiocy all these years. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Breakfast With Sheldon and Amy

Last weekend I swear that I had breakfast in a cafe at a table next to Big Bang’s Sheldon and Amy. You know how characters in television shows are caricatures or exaggerations of stereotypes of groups of people? I first watched The Big Bang Theory years ago when it was a new show and I thought to myself, “There’s not that many nerd jokes. How long can this show possibly last?” Apparently the answer to that is twelve years. And apparently that show is not an exaggeration of actual nerds.

Last weekend my wife and I went to a vegan cafe. I think that last sentence might be the weirdest thing I write today. I’m not exactly vegan. I’m vegan-ish, or vegan adjacent if you will. Oddly, I don’t have too much mockery of the vegan lifestyle yet. Anyway, back to Sheldon and Amy. So, at a vegan cafe, as you would suspect, it’s a hipster haven, full of vegan twenty-somethings in knit hats who, after they finish their half-caff caramel mocha frappucinno made with coconut milk, are off to picket the local supermarket for using plastic bags that cause dolphins to choke, even though we’re land-locked, at least a thousand miles from an ocean and dolphins never venture this far north.

As I was enjoying a stack of vegan pancakes the size of my head, I heard from the table next to me “Carbon nanotubes…”. I ignored the first mention of carbon nanotubes, because really, who cares about carbon nanotubes, unless they are actually in my delicious stack of vegan pancakes? But then I heard it again. Carbon nanotubes. And again like the slow dripping of a faucet that doesn’t stop and keeps you up at night. Carbon nanotubes are the best! I have to admit that after a while, his douchey pretentiousness was wearing off on me and I began to wonder about carbon nanotubes and whether I could shove them up his nose until they punctured his brain.

But oh no, the conversation wasn’t one sided. Sheldon’s girlfriend Amy had to join the fun. After Sheldon said, “Carbon is easily my favorite element, (what a maroon, Neptunium is easily the best element) Mrs. Carbon Nanotube replied, “Enzymes are awesome. We would be so fucked if we didn’t have enzymes!” At that moment, I exuberantly said to my wife, “Pancakes are awesome. We would be so fucked if we didn’t have pancakes!”

Have a great Monday and enjoy your pancakes and enzymes, because enzymes are awesome. ~Phil

*All pictures, except the pancakes, are property of CBS

Daylight Stupid Time!

This is my bi-annual reminder that tonight in the United States we move our clocks forward by an hour and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 120 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about ten years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks ahead an hour now but we turn them back in the Fall, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anythying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

The Queen Is Drunk Right Now!

Yes, kindly little old Queen Elizabeth, or The Big Q as her friends call her at the pub, is crocked off her tiny wrinkled arse right now. You’re probably saying to yourself, “But Phil, how can you know this? Did your amazing psychic powers tell you this?” No, I heard it on the radio. Some DJ filling time between songs drudged up an old Vanity Fair article.

She is the Queen of England, so she can do whatever the feck she wants, but the amounts and times of her drinking are more than a little surprising. The article reported that tiny, 147 year old Queen Elizabeth drinks FOUR alcoholic drinks a day. Four! That’s 28 drinks per week! In my college days I didn’t drink 28 drinks a week! If my doctor thought I had four drinks every day he would send me to rehab!

(Photo by Yui Mok – WPA Pool/Getty Images)

She takes her first drink, gin and Dubonnet, before lunch! Unless it’s a mimosa at a hotel pool or on the beach, I think she’s out of line. But that’s not all folks! During lunch she knocks back a dry gin martini. Then she finishes lunch with a piece of chocolate and a glass of wine. Someone who weighs 68 pounds and has has three drinks by 1 pm is running England. That explains a lot about them over the years. And Prince Philip is obviously not a good designated driver for her.

Speaking of Prince Philip, why the heck does he have a black eye in every picture I’ve ever seen of him? Last year he showed up for Prince Harry’s wedding with a black eye. Reports were that he fell in the bath. But then a few weeks later he got into a car accident, apparently as he was trying to flee the palace. Either he’s getting crocked with Liz too, or I think she’s getting hammered every day and roughing him up. (Philip, if you’re reading this, there’s help out there. Just give me a sign. Tug on your earlobe in your next TV appearance and if I see that I’ll sneak into the palace at night and get you out. Just make sure to hide the Queen’s gun.)

That picture is her version of this:

If I had three drinks by 1 pm, all I’d want to do is take a nap. Then at bedtime, she has a glass of champagne. Now that I can see. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, you’re damn right I’m going to top off my day with champagne. I can picture Big Q in her robe and slippers sitting on the throne, putting her feet up and watching Graham Norton with her nightcap. Still wearing her crown she raises her glass as if toasting to nothing and no one and thinks to herself, “Damn it, I’m the effing Queen of England!” And then she knocks it back sloppily with half of it running out of the corners of her mouth.

Have a great Saturday and enjoy your cocktails!  ~Phil

The 6th Annual Snap Judgement Oscar Awards!

If you’re new here you may be wondering what the Snap Judgement Oscar Awards are. The Phil Factor Snap Judgement Oscar Awards, also known as The Phillies, is one of the most prestigious versions of the Oscar Awards because first of all, they are given by me, and secondly, I base my decisions on the same idiotic, half-informed logic that you use when you pick a movie to watch. I haven’t seen most of the movies and I’m basing my opinions on completely ridiculous reasons. So without further self-indulgent blathering, we’ll let the winners do that, let’s get on with the show!

Image courtesy of Hollywood Reporter

The nominees for Best Actress in a Supporting Role are: Amy Adams (Vice), Marina de Tavira (Roma), Regina King (If Beale Street Could Talk), Emma Stone ( The Favourite), and Rachel Weisz (The Favourite). As much as I love Emma Stone for her work in three Spiderman movies, both she and nominee Rachel Weisz, are ruled out because their movie apparently occurs in 1800’s era England, so basically it’s a Downton Abbey rip-off. Marina de Tavira gets credit because her name is Marina and getting through life named after a place people park their boats has got to be a tough gig. I did see Amy Adams in a movie in 2018. It was Arrival and to be honest, if aliens are coming to Earth why would they talk to Amy Adams instead of me? So, the 2019 winner of the Phillie for Best Supporting Actress goes to Regina King of If Beale Street Could Talk because I’ve never been to New Orleans and I’d like to go.

Photo courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter

The nominees for Best Actor in a Supporting Role are: Mahershala Ali for Green Book, Adam Driver for BlacKkKlansman, Sam Elliott for A Star Is Born, Richard E. Grant for Can You Ever Forgive Me, and Sam Rockwell for Vice. Mahershala, I’m sorry, but you’re out because I’ve never heard of your movie. Adam Driver, because your name broken down is “A dam driver”, and you didn’t choose to make that the official pronunciation, I have no respect for you. Sam Elliott? Puh-leeze! We’re over your mustache. Without it you’d never have gotten a role. It’s 2019, don’t you know beards are in? The winner of the 2019 Snap Judgement Oscar Award for Best Supporting Actor is Sam Rockwell for his portrayal of George W. Bush in Vice. He makes Republican President George Bush seem absolutely adorable in comparison to you know who.

Picture courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter

The nominees for for Best Actress are: Yalitza Aparicio for Roma, Glenn Close for The Wife, Olivia Colman for The Favourite, Lady Gaga for A Star is Born, and Melissa McCarthy for Can You Ever Forgive Me? Yalizta is immediately ruled out because they spelled the name of her movie wrong. It’s Rome with an E. Lady Gaga is out because her name sounds like something a one-year-old would say when learning to speak. Melissa McCarthy for Can You Ever Forgive Me? No Melissa we can’t. Your best work was in Gilmore Girls. The winner of the 2019 Phillie for Best Actress is Glenn Close because of the irony of her film title. In her most memorable role, Fatal Attraction,  she played a mistress and now she gets the nod as The Wife.

Picture courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter

The 2019 nominees for Best Actor are: Christian Bale for Vice, Bradley Cooper for A Star is Born, Willem DaFoe for At Eternity’s Gate, Malek for Bohemian Rhapsody, and Viggo Mortensen for Green Book. Bale is out because he was the most forgettable Batman ever. Willem DaFoe will never get the nod until he fixes his ridiculously bad first name. Rami Malek can’t win best actor because the best movie version of Bohemian Rhapsody was sung by Mike Myers in Wayne’s World. Viggo Mortenson can’t win because Viggo sounds like one of the Teletubbies. So, by process of elimination, the 2019 Snap Judgement Oscar Award for Best Actor goes to Bradley Cooper for his work in The Hangover.

Picture courtesy of Decider.com

The nominees for the 2019 Phillie for Best Picture are: Black Panther, Bohemian Rhapsody, The Favourite, BlacKkKlansmen, Green Book, Roma, A Star Is Born, Green Book, and Vice. The Favourite?!!? It has the Canadian/English spelling of Favorite, so it’s definitely out. Vice? Can’t win because when was the last time any Vice-President was on screen for two hours? BlacKkKlansman? Nope. I won’t even put up with jokes about racism on my blog. Green Book? Yawn. Roma? Had they actually served Italian food at the movie showing this would have been a shoe-in. That brings us down to Black Panther, A Star Is Born, and Bohemian Rhapsody. Look, if I wanted to see a musical, I’d go to Broadway, so the winner of the Phillie for 2019’s Best Picture is Black Panther because I love a good superhero movie and this was also awesome in 3-D. All the other movies only had two D’s. Also, it had Martin Freeman who played Jim on the original The Office made in England.

Feel free to share to social media so you and your friends can prep for your Oscars parties. Have a great Sunday and enjoy the lame Oscars show! ~Phil