Jon and Kate Plus Hate

In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.”-Andy Warhol

In any bar, on any night, in any town in America, if a 40 year old, doughy, hair thinning, married guy walks in, what are the chances he walks out with a single, 23 year old school teacher and goes back to her place to get jiggy with it? Pretty slim usually….unless you’re a reality t.v. star!

Aaaaaah…reality t.v.! How could we live without it? I was nearly a reality t.v. star once upon a time. “What’s that you say Phil? We could have known you as someone besides the brilliant and funny blog writer you are?” That’s right kids. Sit down and I’ll tell you the story:

Many moons ago, about 6 months before the first season of Survivor, I came across a tiny ad in small print on page 2 of my local newspapers sports section. It seems some network was looking for people to volunteer to live on a deserted island for a month as part of some new game show. The winner would get a million dollars. I thought, “Hell, I can do that. I’m not afraid to eat bugs and sleep outside.” I was serious. So I proposed the idea to Mrs. Phil. Her reaction was, “No way. You’re not going away for a month and leaving me here with the kids.” “But honey, it’s for a million dollars!” “NO” That was the end of that discussion and the end of my shot at immediate fame and fortune. I have forever held a grudge against Survivor and have not watched a single episode.

Now it seems we have reality t.v. overkill, even without me being a part of it. There are shows about families, shows about fat people, short people, people cooking, people selling their houses, people looking for their houses, people having surgery, people building motorcycles, people sleeping, people having babies, getting married and just about anything else. I made up the one about people sleeping just to see if you’re paying attention.

Survivor: Yeah, we get it already. A bunch of self-centered, arrogant, model-type a-holes bicker endlessly in a tropical location. Like E.R. I think this show has overstayed its welcome in our living rooms.

Big Brother: A bunch of self-centered, arrogant, model type, a-holes bicker endlessly in a house. If I wanted to watch a bunch of drunk, immature, 20 somethings stab each other in the back and make every little perceived slight into a volcano of petty drama I’d go back to college.

The Bachelor/Bachelorette: A bunch of self-centered, arrogant, model-type, a-holes bicker endlessly about who gets to marry a self-centered, arrogant model-type a-hole.

Would somebody out there just go back to writing sit-coms? All I want when I sit down at night is to empty my brain and fill it with 22 minutes of insipid one liners that require no thought at all to absorb. Maybe a sit-com about the life of a funny blogger would be good. The Phil Factor could be a very catchy title. Hollywood, are you listening?

13 responses to “Jon and Kate Plus Hate

  1. Did you ever read that short story by Stephen King “Running Man” about the reality show where someone gets killed? (I think it's a movie also) I swear fiction is not that far from reality.
    Having said that, I have to admit, I am a bit of a reality show whore myself. I hate them but can't stop watching.

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  2. May I recommend “The Big Bang Theory” and “How I Met Your Mother” as sit-coms worth your time?

    I've never been a huge fan of reality tv shows. I've never seen any of those you listed, nor I have subjected myself to American Idol. Why do people do that to themselves.

    Re: Jon and Kate, I think what they have done to their children by having them on this show is probably criminal.

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  3. Kim- Yes, I've read Running Man.

    DMH- I'm way ahead of you. I discovered How I Met…long before the rest of the world and have several episodes on my ipod. Big Bang is good too.

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  4. i hate reality TV as a genre, but i will admit to watching rock of love and the spin-off daisy of love. talk about emptying your brain!! i get dumber every time i watch it.

    oh yeah, and you got me with the one about people sleeping… i wouldn't be surprised. hey – why don't you pitch that one?! i'll be the first contestant.

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  5. You are so right on! And I wouldn't like you if you had been on a reality TV show 😉 Mrs. Phil had the right idea.

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  6. I think all tv sucks myself, which is ironic because my partner owns a tv company here in the UK.

    Reality tv is deadly boring.

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  7. I don't watch TV. Yes, I'm a pop-culture retard. HOWEVER, when I did have my own place with a TV and cable I used to watch TLC, The Discovery Channel, History Channel, etc. And I have seen one or two (literally) episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8. That's how I've actually been able to keep up on that drama. Well, that and the tabloids staring at me at the grocery checkout stand.

    I'm glad you didn't go on Survivor. Otherwise you'd probably be an arrogant model-type a-hole who blogs about how great he is. *gag*

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  8. Who are John and Kate??? Thankfully that show has not made it to NZ. Even better, we do get “Big Bang” which I love.

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  9. There is definitely a bit too much reality TV out there. I HATE shows like the bachelor and rock of love. But, I LOVE Survivor. And that's the thing, Survivor survives because it has a strong base of loyal Survivor fanatics.

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  10. I'd watch a blogger reality TV show, especially if the show took place in Rochester and they visited some of my favorite places like Country Sweet Chicken & Wings, Buckman's Ice Cream, the reservoir…

    Seriously, I'm not into reality shows for two reasons: 1) they're boring and 2) there's very little reality in REALITY TV.

    I loved shows like Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends and now I only watch Two & A Half Men.

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  11. Dzeni- Don't worry about Jon & Kate. Not worth knowing. Big Bang grew on me after awhile.

    Sarah- I've never watched either of the “…Of Love” series, but little known fact, my brother met Flava Flav.

    Riot- Mrs. Phil didn't have the right idea. That is one of my roads not taken now.

    LL- I agree.

    PCB- You mean I shouldn't blog about how great I am? Damn! There goes my next post!

    Dawn- I still think survivor has become very repetitive and almost a caricature of itself.

    Scarlet- Your t.v. taste runs about the same as mine. I also love hearing you mention all the Rochester stuff. I've never met another Rochester blogger.

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  12. oh yeah, p.s. my also-single girlfriend and i decided jon is hot and we want to share him and his 8 kids. we can only put up with a dude about half the time anyway, so it should work out. and those kiddos are ADORABLE.

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  13. I have never watched, nor will I ever, Jon and Kate. I have watched some reality TV like Survivor (sorry!) and The Single Life with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. The latter, only because it was fun laughing at their constant stupidity! These days, the news is enough reality TV for me!

    Years ago, I sent in a tape for “Murder in Small Town X” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_in_Small_Town_X). Most people won't even remember that show because it only lasted one season. The winner was an NYC firefighter who ended up being killed on 9/11. 😦

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