Today’s guest blogger is the hilarious John Howell of John’s Fiction Favorites.
Thank you, Phil. It is a real pleasure to be a guest on your blog. I consider you one of the funniest bloggers and have looked forward to this visit. If I may, I would like to paint a fictional picture for your readers. Since you have opened your blog to other writers, I have created an imaginary situation where you set auditions for those who want to appear. (Don’t worry everyone, this is just pretending, and Phil has no plans to start an audition process.)
So here is the scene. Phil sits behind a desk in the audience on a platform built for the occasion. He has his sycophants on either side. On his right hand is the executive producer with a script person on his left. One small desk lamp illuminates his space. He has pencils and paper and a large Yeti cup filled with coffee. Phil has a microphone so those on stage can hear every word. The stage glows from a huge spotlight that burns from the back of the auditorium. The prospective blog guest takes the stage and can’t help blinking from the light.
Phil starts. “Mr. Howell please come down to center stage.”
John moves into the white-hot light, raises his hand to his eyebrow to cut down the glare. “Hello, Phil. You can call me John.”
“Thank you, John. What can we do for you today?”
“Well, I’m here to audition for a guest spot on your blog.”
“Sounds good, John. Have you brought any Gifs, videos, or photos?”
“I only have a photo of myself and my books.”
“Books? You going to hump books on my blog?”
“Well, I thought I would mention them.”
“Look, John. I have a lot of book humping on my blog including my own. I was hoping you would have something different.”
“Well, I can sing a little.”
“Okay let’s hear that then.”
“I also do a soft shoe.”
“Soft shoe. What’s that?”
“It’s a little dance without tap shoes.”
“Okay, I get it. Go ahead.”
“Ahem.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing sir. I was just clearing my throat.”
“Do you need some water?”
“No thank you. Normally I have an accompanist, but I wasn’t prepared to sing.”
“Well, we have no time for an accompanist. Can you do it anyway?”
“Okay here goes.”
“What are you doing?”
“Big opening with the soft shoe.”
“Sheesh. Go ahead. Wait what’s that?”
“A pitch pipe. I don’t want to be off pitch.”
“You ready now?”
“Yes Here’s my song.
Passengers will please refrain
from flushing toilets
while the train
is standing in the station. I love you.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“Wait, there is another verse.”
“Please leave your number with the assistant back stage.”
“But the second verse is killer.”
“Don’t call us. We’ll call you.”
“Can I leave these photos with the assistant too?”
“Sure. Leave the bio, the photos, the contact information but please clear the stage.”
“Thank you, Phil. I’m such a fan just being here is a thrill.”
“Okay, thank you. Can we have Mr. King down to center stage.”
John’s Bio: John began his writing as a full-time occupation after an extensive business career. His specialty is thriller fiction novels, but John also writes poetry and short stories. His first book, My GRL, introduces the exciting adventures of the book’s central character, John J. Cannon. The second Cannon novel, His Revenge, continues the adventure, while the final book in the trilogy, Our Justice, launched in September 2016. All books are available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle editions. John lives in Port Aransas, Texas with his wife and their spoiled rescue pets.
Contact information
Blog: Fiction Favorites, http://johnwhowell.com/
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/john.howell.98229241
Twitter –https://www.twitter.com/HowellWave
Authors db –http://www.authorsdb.com/authors-directory/6604-john-w-howell
LinkedIn –http://www.linkedin.com/pub/john-w-howell/48/b59/462/
Google +https://plus.google.com/+JohnHowellAuthor/
Goodreads –https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7751796.John_W_Howell
Amazon Author’s page –https://www.amazon.com/author/johnwhowell
Thank you to John for his awesome guest blog post. If you’re not already following him on all the social media platforms above, well, what’s stopping you?
Have a great Friday! ~Phil