Category Archives: Humor

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Yoga Poses

This top ten is unusual in that I didn’t create it all by myself. I was inspired by a Tweet by Happy Chillmore @cravin4 on Twitter. If you enjoy Twitter and humor, go follow him. Happy Chillmore is responsible for numbers 5-1 on this list and 10-6 are me. Enjoy and namaste!

10. Bean bag chair pose

9. Weeping child

8. Open Love Triangle

7. Bare moon pose

6. Bipolar roller

5. Napping Warrior

4. Downward Spiral

3. Crying Plank

2. Farting Tree

1. Drunk Hasselhoff

My love of Twitter is well known and there is no end to the number of brilliantly funny people there. Go follow me and Happy Chillmore and have a great Tuesday! Namaste! ~Phil

Music Monday! lovelytheband: Broken

I just discovered this band and song. The band itself, from Los Angeles has only been together for two years. This is their first big hit:

Have a lovely Monday! I hope you’re not Broken! ~Phil

Three Things in The World That Need Fixing

And I’m the guy to fix them. As I always say, when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will fix these three things.

1. What kind of Zone is Worse Than the Friend Zone? Time zones, that’s what’s worse. Last week I traveled for work and I was three time zones away from home. It was stupid. If I wanted to call or text someone back home I had to do math. “Well, I can’t call now because even though it’s a reasonable time here, they’ve already gone to bed.” What time should I call you? 8:00? Yes. Your time or my time? And then, when I woke up in the morning in Pacific time, half the friggin’ day was already done on the East coast. Here’s my solution: When I’m elected President, (#PHIL2020) I will abolish time zones.  Boom. Mic drop. It will be a 24 hour clock and it will the same time everywhere, ALL THE TIME. What time do you want me to call? 4:00? Boom. Done. The whole world. Yes, I’m going to be President of the whole world.

This is how healthy McDonald’s will seem

2. Not So Happy Meals: McDonald’s is making cheeseburgers available in Happy Meals only by request and reducing the size of fries that come with McNuggets. AND they’re reducing the amount of sugar in their chocolate milk. Are you kidding me? Hello McFlyDonalds! We already have almond milk! Why do we need reduced sugar chocolate milk?!!? We know how to drink water and when we walk into McDonald’s we are choosing not to drink water. If we wanted to eat healthy; if we wanted our kids to eat healthy, we wouldn’t have walked into McDonald’s in the first place.  Nobody goes to McDonald’s looking for broccoli. Stay in your lane. Do what you’re good at. As President I will invoke eminent domain and block this idiotic move.

3. Guns: I’m sick and tired of senseless violence and people blaming shootings on “mental health issues.” Guess what? We can’t get rid of mental health issues, but we can get rid of guns. As President and Sexiest Man Alive, (Yes I plan to hold both titles simultaneously. Also, as a psychic, I predict that upon reading this, People Magazine will choose to name Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau 2018’s Sexiest Man Alive in November.) Back to me. As President I will mandate that all automatic weapons and handguns be removed from the public domain. If you’re a “hunter” and you need an automatic weapon, then you’re a moron and shouldn’t be allowed to have any guns. People can still hunt deer with a normal one-shot-at-a-time shotgun, but outside of that, only law enforcement and active military can have any kind of guns. Yes, it will be a hard, long battle to get rid of guns, but it needs to be done. #ParklandStrong

Sorry that I got a little heavy there at the end, but something needs to change. Something that transcends political lines. Something that has only the best interest of people at heart. If I can pull this off, would it be so bad if I also made McDonald’s serve bad food and put the entire world on the same time? Feel free to share by one of the social media buttons below.

Have a great Saturday! #PHIL2020

Fifty Shades of…

I am absolutely outraged! Just because I’m a small time author, some big movie company thinks they can steal my title, change a word and pretend it’s their idea. My Fifty Shades of Phil book came out in June 2013, before all the Fifty Shades movies, so obviously I had the idea first. I’m considering legal action.

Because of this weeks movie opening of Fifty Shades Freed I thought I’d capitalize on all the people searching the web for info using the phrase #FiftyShades by putting my book on sale Many people may visit my site here from their smartphones and never see the link in the sidebar for my book Fifty Shades of Phil. I could tell you about the book that contains the best 50 humor essays from the first 8 years of #ThePhilFactor, but I won’t. I’ll let the reviewers do it for me:

Hilariously Funny! ~Narly Nuts Book Lovers: Phil takes us on a HILARIOUS ride of HUMOR and TRUTH! He says all the things we know to be true, but most of us likely don’t say out loud. We think it and know how we feel about the different topics. Yes, some of it is ego-centric and down right blunt, but what fun would it be if Phil wasn’t putting his spin on it.
All in all, this is a book I will recommend for laughs, wit and Phil’s oh so subtle charm. When Phil is elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, I WILL VOTE PHIL, whichever comes first.:)

Author Sean Smithson (How to Lose a Girl in 10 Ways): “Perfect read for any commute. …snappy and entertaining reading. Perfect for a very recent and uncomfortable long haul flight. Definitely do not regret picking this up.”

Now for contrast, here is an excerpt of a review of Fifty Shades Darker from USA Today: There are a lot of negative things to be said about Fifty Shades. But it does impress in one sense: The erotica lite sequel somehow manages to be worse than the stupefyingly bad Fifty Shades of Grey.”

To celebrate the movie #FiftyShadesFreed this week, I’ve put my book on sale for just $2.99 for Kindle, Nook, or in the iTunes bookstore.  I’m not sure what it is in Euro’s or GBP but you can still find it in the Amazon bookstore in every country in the world and they’ll tell you how much it is.  What? You don’t have a Kindle or Nook? You don’t need one! You can download the free Kindle or Nook app to your iPad or smartphone and then download Fifty Shades of Phil. For $2.99 you can’t go wrong. If you can read the entire thing without laughing I’ll refund your money. If you go to Fifty Shades Freed and you hate it, I doubt they’ll give you the same offer.

Have a great Friday! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

Throwback Thursday! Angst Away! The Cure for That Valentine’s Stench

(02/15/14) That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s Angst Away! The body spray that covers up your pure hatred of Valentine’s Day! Can you smell it? A day after Valentine’s Day the smell of romantic angst everywhere is starting to fade.

axe

Look, I don’t have all the answers in life. I’m just a boy, standing in front of a computer asking you to read my blog, which in my world equates to love. If I get that little “like” click or God forbid, (gasp), a comment, I suddenly turn into Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Yeah, how’d that work out for you Tom?

Back to Valentine’s Day. Scrolling through my blog feed yesterday I saw/read more Valentine’s Day angst than I’ve ever seen. Some were trying to identify the perfect Valentine’s Day, some wanted to promote the even keel approach to showing love every day, and others decried the whole holiday as a giant societal “F you” to anyone who doesn’t currently have a romantic partner.

My thought is this: Jeez, lighten up everybody. Valentine’s Day is not out to get you. It’s not out to tell you anything about your life. Do you get upset around Labor Day because other people work harder than you? Don’t be an idiot. Your perspective is like a telescope. You only see what you choose to aim it at.

Over the past several years most of American society has been completely nuts for The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad, both very romantic shows. Well guess what? I don’t care. I’m sure they’re great TV shows, but they’re not a big deal for me. If people want to enjoy those shows, great for them. It’s fun to have something in common to talk about with others, but I don’t think I’m an incomplete person because I don’t watch them and I don’t stress if I missed the season finale.

Valentine’s Day should be treated the same way. If you don’t like it, change the channel, focus on something else. I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I’ve noticed a pattern. Valentine’s Day happens every year on February 14th, then it goes away, and guess what? You’re still here and so is everyone else. You’d better keep your guard up though because St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner and those happy Irish folks are also out to make you feel bad because you don’t have a shamrock tattooed on your ass. (I’m not saying I do or don’t. It might just be an example.)

Like I said, I don’t have all the answers. I have a blog and my perspective. You have your perspective too, and you can change it if you want. Have a great weekend and if you liked #ThePhilFactor show me a little love by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, reblog, or other share button below.

Picture Credits: themetapicture.com and o.canada.com

Throwback Wednesday? A Valentine’s Day Interview with The Dating Doctor

(02/13/2015) David Coleman is The Dating Doctor. Is he a doctor who is dating? Is he dating a doctor? I don’t know and it’s none of our business. What I do know is that David has spoken on relationships and leadership to audiences all over the world.  For those of you unprepared for the holiday coming up tomorrow we’ll focus on the dating part.  Don’t worry my literary friends; David’s expertise won’t be limited to just the questions I ask here.  He’s got books. Books you need to read before you do further damage to your love life.

news.uwlax.edu

news.uwlax.edu

TPF: David, thank you for taking the time to visit The Phil Factor. As you may have suspected, people read my blog. Often they’re people who spend more time relating to others online than in person. What advice about relationships do you have for people in our increasingly social media focused world?

David: To “hover” a few seconds before you hit the send button on a text, post, tweet or mail message.  Once you hit send, you have put your words, video or pictures in motion and that action cannot be reversed, and never erased, so you need to be comfortable with all the possible ramifications of the way your words or pictures are received.  Also remember, if you publicly play out your relationship on line, every day, its success or failure will be just as public as well.   

TPF: What is the biggest mistake people make early in a relationship that could doom their chances for success?

David:  They mistake infatuation for love and fall far too fast, far too soon.  Infatuation is INTENSE. It is short-lived, demanding and can turn normally rational people into “life is too short…let’s do it” optimists.  They say and do things normally reserved for couples who are a bit farther down the line in a relationship and then wonder why they, nor their partner can keep up the level of intensity they felt when they first met. 

There are three primary types of loves people experience:  Eros (Physical), Agape (Heartfelt) and Philia (Friendship).  When a couple allows infatuation to rule their actions, they often skip the development of these stages and then get very disappointed in the end when things “just didn’t work out.”

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TPF: What’s the most impactful way someone can grab the attention of someone they are interested in but don’t know in a crowded/busy social setting?

David:  Eye contact…smile…say hello.  The look you share, the words you use, the way you express yourself and the interest you show will separate you from those who didn’t have the guts to at least say hello.  Holding a gaze just for one extra moment and accompanying it with a coy smile lets that person know that among people in a crowded setting, you noticed THEM.  Then, before leaving, you need to walk up to them and say, “I just wanted you to know that I noticed you.  This is my card (or my name or my email address or my number…).  If you ever want to even have coffee, say hello and meet, it would be my honor.”  Then graciously walk away.  Take the high road. The view is always better from there!

TPF: Craziest question you’ve ever been asked? And what was your answer?

David:  A woman came up to me after a show and said, “I’ll bet you have never heard this one…My husband is having an affair…with my mother!”  This lady and her husband had a weekly sporting event they took part in, but they were on different teams.  She found out that he would skip his games and return home to be with her mother who was supposedly watching their children while they were out competing.  My advice to her was, to return home early from her game the following week and walk back into the house with several close friends as witnesses along with her so that it would not be her word against theirs and so that they would be caught red-handed in the act.  I also suggested that she get a top-notch therapist and good legal advice if she indeed intended to head in the direction of ending her marriage.  I heard from her a year later.  She was doing well, had met someone new and felt as if she was at a healthy point in her life.  Her husband had been distant and abusive for years so this unfortunate situation gave her the courage and strength to move on.  Her and her mother, “we’re still working things out.”

Making-Relationships-Matter-Book-1

TPF: Your traditional education, Bachelor’s and Master’s aren’t in Psychology or counseling. How did you come to a career in writing books and speaking on dating and relationships?

David: As an undergraduate and graduate student both of my degrees had a high degree of social work, psychology and communications in their curriculum so I received a heavy dose of human nature and communication training.  From a young age, I had the innate ability to read people, know where they were in their life and give them the advice that the needed to hear, not necessarily what they wanted to hear.  I didn’t care if people liked me, only if they learned from me and my service or advice exceeded their needs and expectations.   I also seemed to have the ability to introduce people to each other whom I felt “might hit it off.”  My outgoing personality served as a bit of an ice-breaker and allowed others to meet with me as a conduit.  Then, they could return and ask me questions and my advice seemed to really help them. Thus, a career was born.

TPF: Our mutual friend, magician James David, referred to you as “A real life Dating Doctor like Will Smith played in the movie, “HITCH!”” Would you say that’s accurate?

David: First, James is an amazing talent and magician.  I am proud to call him my friend and yes, he is accurate. What Will Smith’s character portrayed in the movie Hitch is what I do every single day professionally. Like he helped Kevin James’s character connect to the love of his life, I help 10 or more just like him in real life on a weekly basis.  I basically try to help people get out of their way as many are self-sabotaging their chances of being happy and meeting someone with whom they would be ideally compatible.  I have dozens of success stories under my belt over the past 20 years and enjoy working with people who are seeking healthy relationships and unbridled happiness.  Talk is cheap.  I am not.  I have found that people who pay a price work twice as hard as those who “want something for free.”

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TPF: In your experience, are men more clueless about what women want in a relationship, or is it the other way around?

David:  They are both mystified at times because the game keeps changing.  The speed of the internet and social media, the explosion of dating apps on our smart phones, the increase in the number of people using dating sites and the lack of real human interaction due to texting and tweeting, etc.  has made both sexes wonder just how dialed in they are to the opposite sex.  You also have an increase in the number of people identifying themselves as bi-sexual, a-sexual, pansexual, transgender…and this keeps both men and women wondering, learning, experimenting and searching for people like me to help them navigate the often treacherous waters of dating, relationships, romance, sex, marriage, divorce and dating after divorce.   This is why I try to stay dialed in to the current trends and am not afraid to have candid dialogue with my clients and audiences.  You never get a wasted day back, so spending time heading in the wrong direction or paralyzed by fear is simply unacceptable.

TPF: David, thank you again for taking time out of what must certainly be a very busy week for you. For those that want to learn more about David, including his book on leadership as well as his books on relationships you can visit his website,   www.DatingDoctor.com and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.  Seriously, check out his website. He has some pretty impressive accolades. If you’d like some of David’s coaching you can call or e-mail him too!  Direct Coaching:  1-866-Date-Smart (1-866-328-3762) or email: TheDatingDoctor@mac.com

As always, if you want to share the love you get from #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Is there any better gift for your Valentine than The Phil Factor? Umm…nevermind. Don’t answer that.

Happy Singles Awareness Day !

The Phil Factor

SAD

Yes! Tomorrow is finally Singles Awareness Day! Yup, it’s a real thing. I found it on Wikipedia, so it must be true. Have you bought yourself or someone else a Happy Singles Awareness Day card yet? Every other blog on the interwebs will bring you a post about love or Valentine’s Day this weekend. That’s why you come to #ThePhilFactor. I take a left turn when everyone else is going right. (usually when people tell you how awesome they are like I just did, it’s never true, but in this case that shoe fits like a glove)

Love doesn’t need it’s own holiday! Love is celebrated at anniversary’s, birthdays, and just about any holiday where partners give gifts. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will pass a law mandating that Valentine’s Day AND Singles Awareness Day be celebrated equally. I will also mandate…

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