Tag Archives: The Phil Factor

My Advice To My Past Self

Earlier this week I saw a post from SickChristine that was inspired by a Soul Pancake  Facebook post.

Christine wrote a beautiful and touching story of the advice she would give her past self at different ages. Beautiful and touching? Yeah, that’s not exactly my style. Younger me was a moron and he definitely needed my advice. So, here’s what I would tell myself if I could travel back in time to help younger me:

Dear 1970’s PhilDude, relax. You’re a kid. Don’t stress about anything. Especially not the air raid drills they make you do in grade school. The Russians are definitely not going to bomb you.  At least not until Trump is President. Just be careful around water fountains. Not the big kind that you see in a park, but the little ones you drink out of in the hallway at school. There’s one that will change your life forever. That one fountain is the Joker to your Batman.  Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future.

Dear 1980’s Phil: To borrow from Baz Luhrman, wear sunscreen. You get sunburned from the refrigerator light! Wear sunscreen. I want to have skin like a baby’s bottom when I/Me/You are older. Also go ahead and grow the mullet, but cut it off in 1988. You kept it a year too long. Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future.

Dear 1990’s Phil: Apple. Not the fruit. Well, yes, the fruit. Eat them, they’re better than all that fast food you eat.  But remember Apple the company. Save all your money and invest in a company named Apple in 1999. If you do this you can retire from work in 2015. Don’t mind the hyperlinked blue text there. You can’t read that yet. Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future. And yes, you get the most important decision of your life right.

Dear 2000’s PhilYou’ll be raising your kids now. I’ve got no advice for you. Nothing can prepare you for parenting. Just relax and enjoy. You can’t control everything. In fact I should have told you that about two decades ago. Also embrace fantasy football. Not only will you be really good at it, but if you play your cards right, you can make a living at it. Enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. Yes, they’ll still be with you. Maybe write a few books about them.  And don’t stress about the number of views your blog gets. The right people will get the jokes. No, seriously, I was not kidding about the fantasy football.

All in all, don’t worry about much I said here. Life’s never going to be perfect. Live your life and enjoy it without too much worry. And lastly, wear sunscreen.

Have a great Saturday everybody! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! My Momentary Friends

I don’t think I know anyone who was at the Ariana Grande concert on Monday, but then again, I don’t know about my momentary friends, including my British blogging friends. May you all be safe and may you all be there today. When you see your momentary friends take that moment to give them a smile, a hello, or a thank you, because you just never know.

dreamstime.com

(10/28/09) Despite how you perceive me here, I actually do have friends in the real world. Don’t laugh, I do. We all have many different kinds of friends though. We have friends from school, friends from work, friends in our neighborhoods or apartment buildings, and of course our blog friends. We also have what I like to think of as “momentary friends.” These are people who may enter our lives for only a moment every day or once a week, but in many ways are as important to us as are the friends for whom we profess love and longing.

It could be the cashier at the supermarket you always go to because she has a nice smile and makes small talk about the weather. The security guard outside your office who holds open the door as you leave each day. The girl at Supercuts who cuts your hair and asks about your plans for the weekend. The guy who says hello as he passes you on his nightly walk down your street. Or perhaps the blogger who updates almost daily with a heartwarming story or amusing anecdote. We all have about a hundred of these people in our lives and for me I enjoy their momentary friendship immensely. I think we all do. As much as family or friends whom we know by name, these people also provide us with a sense of security. Often, more than “real” family or friends our “momentary friends” are dependable. They’re always there for us with that smile and hello, or perhaps only a knowing nod. Day in and day out, sometimes for years these nameless people are part of our lives and I miss them and worry about what happened to them when they don’t show up in my daily routine.

The fun for me is providing them with names and stories. I like to imagine who they are outside of that moment in time when our paths cross. How and why did they come to be part of my life every day? The best part though is naming them.

Some of the names we give these people are flattering and some are not. No matter where any of you live, I think you’ve all met my friend, “Man with bad toupee.” Then of course in every neighborhood we all know “Woman with enormous ass who’s always bending over doing yard work.” “Girl walking dog” always seems so nice. You have no idea where she lives, but she appears around the corner every evening at the same time.

One person I hate, but would somehow miss if he/she were gone is “Yellow Saturn A-hole.” This jerk parks his/her yellow Saturn in my street every day, completely blocking off traffic on that side of the street. As infuriating as this is to me, if they moved away I’d miss the little adrenaline rush I get as I curse them while I sit behind their parked car waiting for traffic to pass so I can get by. It’s only perhaps a 10 second inconvenience about 5 times a week, but that adds up to 50 seconds per week, 3 minutes and 20 seconds per month, or 40 minutes per year. That may not seem like much, but since I plan to live in my current house for the rest of my life, over the next 36 years Yellow Saturn A-hole will have wasted the equivalent of a full day of my life.

This post is dedicated to my favorite momentary friends: Hairdresser Nikki, Indian Girl at Dunkin’ Donuts, Walking Man, Rollerblading Girl with dog, and Security Guard. Without these people and their momentary friendship my day would be incomplete. I could probably do without Yellow Saturn A-hole though. This post is also dedicated to all of you whom I would miss tremendously if I didn’t see your little face or avatar in my likes or comments section regularly.

As always, if you like what you read please hit the Facebook or Twitter share button below and I would be humbled if you considered me as your momentary friend. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Wordless Wednesday! Are You On The Right Track?

“Changing the way you think is like a locomotive that switches tracks and heads in a new direction, taking the rest of the train – behavior, actions and habits – right along with it.” –Mitch Temple

Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

Music Monday! Sir Sly: High

Before anyone reacts, yes, I realize this song seems to imply drug use. That being said, I do not recommend, support, or participate in illegal drug use. I like the sound of the chorus of this song. This song is also part of the soundtrack of 13 Reasons Why which is a controversial Netflix series that deals with teen suicide. I am also not in favor of teen or adult suicide. Sir Sly first found fame in 2013 when their song Gold was used in a promo  for a video game. Later it was also used in a Cadillac commercial.

Don’t do drugs and don’t kill yourself. Have a great Monday! ~Phil

Sharknado 5 is Coming!

Yes, the SyFy network has announced the release date for Sharknado 5. It appears the title will be Sharknado 5 Earth 0. If you’ve never watched the Sharknado series of movies you’re missing out on a modern classic, tongue in cheek, campy, cheesy version of the disaster movie genre.

In 2013 the first Sharknado took the world by storm and it’s iconic, signature image was that of Fin Shephard (played by Ian Ziering) chainsawing his way out of a shark that had swallowed him and his chainsaw. The fact that a shark movie has a main character named Fin tells you this isn’t a movie that takes itself too seriously.

Here is the published synopsis of Sharknado 5: With much of North America lying in ruins, the rest of the world braces for the inevitable – a global sharknado. Fin Shepard and his family must put a stop to this disaster before Earth is completely obliterated. That just oozes with so much sharky goodness. I can’t wait.

Sugar Ray singer Mark McGrath and Ian Ziering

In addition to Tara Reid returning as Fin’s wife, part of the awesomeness of this movie series is the cavalcade of guest star cameo’s including Mark Cuban, Jerry Springer, Mark McGrath, Anne Coulter, Al Roker, Frankie Muniz, Vivica Fox, Gary Busey, Cheryl Tiegs, Steve Guttenberg, Carrot Top, and almost every pro wrestler, YouTube and reality TV star you can name. With #Sharknado5 going international you can bet that there will be an international cast of characters. Karl Stefanovic and Lisa Wilkonson of Australia’s The Today Show have already revealed that they have cameo’s in Sharknado 5 as have Good Morning Britain’s Charlotte Hawkins, Kate Garraway, and Laura Tobin. British Olympic swimmer Tom Daley is also appearing in Sharknado 5.

Also, I have a special affinity for the movie series because two years ago #Sharknado actor and theme song musician Robbie Rist was interviewed here on #ThePhilFactor. I can’t make any promises, but I’m going to try to land an interview with someone else from the movie. Consider yourself on notice and clear your calendar for the evening of August 6th! Stay tuned!

Have a great Sharkday Sunday! ~Phil

Goats Do Yoga? More like Goats Gone Wild!

A lot of people ask me, “Phil, where do you get your crazy ideas for #ThePhilFactor?” Sometimes it’s the news, sometimes it’s my experiences that week, and other times forces from beyond that we don’t understand speak to me. That was the case this week when last night my friend brought out the bottle of wine pictured above. I thought to myself, “Gosh that’s true. Goats do roam, but I wonder if they do yoga?” And then the clouds parted and a golden ray of sunshine beamed down upon my weary brow and the universe said, in a voice much like James Earl Jones, “Yes Phil, goats do yoga.” Some people are disturbed when the universe speaks to them, but I’m getting used to it. It’s a little tiresome though when the universe gets drunk and tells the same stories over and over. It is also a little alarming how often the universe is drunk. I think the universe was drunk when it came up with goat yoga. Watch the video:

And it’s not just this one farm in Oregon! Go to Youtube! It’s happening everywhere. I think it’s great, but what if the goats start acting like … well, goats? What if they poop on people or chew their clothes? The people’s clothes, not the goats. Although, I wonder, how close are we to seeing goats in yoga pants?

usatoday.com

See that? I’m pretty sure having goats hard, pointy feet in my back is going to hurt. If I’m doing yoga with animals, baby goats might make my top ten list, but they’re not #1. Why not puppies, kittens, or baby teacup pigs?

Now that goat yoga is popular, I can imagine this trend taking off with people trying yoga with all kinds of animals. Unfortunately there will probably be some Darwinism thinning of the herd, so to speak, when some of the dumber people try yoga with the wrong animals. Or just animals who decide they don’t want to do any fecking yoga. In my mind right now I’m picturing a yoga class gone awry as the animals attack and people are screaming and trying to flee. That’s definitely not going to be a very zen feeling.

Namaste everybody. Have a great goat filled weekend! ~Phil

The Perfect Weekend Beach Read

With summer upon us many of you are going to the beach or just relaxing outside. In case you only access The Phil Factor from your phone, I know you’d hate to miss all the spectacular content in my sidebars. One piece of this incredible sidebar content is my books. Yes, some of you may not even be aware that I’ve written a few books. Nothing serious, just some fun, suspenseful weekend beach read type books that are available as e-books or in paperback.

A group of friends with a penchant for goofy nicknames return to their hometown for a funeral and what had been a pleasant, albeit melancholy, reunion quickly escalates into a fight for their lives with an enemy they didn’t know they had. Putting up with each others quirks with good humor they must unravel a mystery that may have started thirty years ago. They unwittingly stumble and fumble their way into a life or death showdown that could kill them all. The question is not whether they will survive the bad guys, but will they survive each other? One reader likened the characters to “the kids from Stephen King’s classic ‘Stand By Me’ but grown up and on crack.” (No one does drugs in the story. I think she was referring to the humor in the novel)

The e-book is only $2.99 and is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and all the other e-book outlets. It’s also available in paperback for $8.23 on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Have a great Friday! ~Phil