Tag Archives: The Phil Factor

Music Monday: Imagine Dragons

Winners of the American Music Awards Favorite Group Pop/Rock. I’ve seen them live and they’re a great band.

Have a great Monday! ~Phil

280 Characters? For Donald Trump?!!? Yikes!

Yes, Twitter has gone and done it this time. Donald Trump brought us to the brink of a nuclear war with North Korea using only 140 characters. What he might do with 280 is mind boggling. If you’re a little confused, here’s what I’m talking about: Since it’s creation in 2006 Twitter has limited users tweets to 140 characters or less. About two weeks ago Twitter began allowing users to use up to 280 characters.

Over the years Donald has had some really interesting tweets. I wonder how they might be different if he could have said twice as much. Let’s look at a few, shall we?

with 140 more characters Trump would go on to say: Robert you can do much better than her. Like me for instance. I’m rich and handsome. Mostly rich.

with more characters he would have likely gone on to say: But the election, that’s your fault. Well, not really your fault. Mostly the Russians, but I’m in now and there’s nothing you can do about it. Sad!

Given more leeway Trump would add: I’m your new God now. All bow down to me! The Bible said Jesus was the savior. Fake news!

Some of Donald Trumps tweets to Eminem after he got elected:

If Donald could have expanded his rapping repertoire he might have also said: Don’t look back cuz my hair is whack. I’m your new Prez now and my face is orange you’re a washed up rapper who…shit, nothing rhymes with orange. Covfefe! 

With more characters available he later went back and edited the tweet to say: I don’t understand irony. My grandparents weren’t immigrants because they bought Manhattan and gave it to me. 

Not too French? Apparently Donald isn’t overly familiar with our neighbors to the North. With more characters he might have gone on to say: If I had to kiss a foreign leader it would be him. Reminds me of Robert Pattinson. 

I could do this all day. Before you go, would you mind voting in one more election? My Time To Lie book cover is up for AllAuthor.com’s Cover of The Month. I really, really need all the votes I can get to move into the top three. If you have a few seconds I’d appreciate your vote. Click THIS LINK to vote. If I win, I promise not to tweet any crazy things.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursdays! P.T. Phone Home

(Nov. 8, 2014) Funny thing; I just discovered that my texting device has an app to make phone calls too. Isn’t modern technology great? What will they think of next?

You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff…oh yeah. It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough. You’re gonna have to face it. You’re addicted to”  your phone?

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I got a new phone this week. I admit it, I’m a phone addict. The first step is admitting you’re powerless over your phone. I think as a society we’re addicted to our phones. For some it may be the constant contact with family and friends, for others it’s the constant access to information, some people never want to be out of touch with their job, and some just like goofy little games.

Cell phone addiction is a problem though. It distracts us from our jobs, our driving and our loved ones when they’re sitting right in front of us. So how do we cure our phone addiction? You get yourself a NoPhone!

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According to the campaign on Kickstarter, “Phone addiction is real. And it’s everywhere. It’s ruining your dates. It’s distracting you at concerts. It’s disrupting you in movie theaters. It’s clogging up sidewalks. Now, there is a real solution. With a thin, light and completely wireless design, the NoPhone acts as a surrogate to any smart mobile device, enabling you to always have a rectangle of smooth, cold plastic to clutch without forgoing any potential engagement with your direct environment. Never again experience the unsettling feeling of flesh on flesh when closing your hand.” The feeling of “flesh on flesh when closing your hand”? Isn’t that what you get when you hold hands with someone? Ugh (shudders) who wouldn’t want to avoid that?

I was going to come up with a list of other hilarious placebo products for a variety of addictions when I realized that it’s already been done. The NoPhone idea isn’t crazy, it’s brilliant! Think about it, for smokers there’s the e-cigarettes, for diabetics, technically not an addiction, there’s all kinds of sugar-free treats, for sex addicts there’s plenty of …ahem…devices and dolls. I don’t think alcoholics should have non-alcoholic beer, but hey, it’s out there too.  For the cleaning/germ-o-phobe addicts, send them to my house! Our society is full of placebos and surrogates for our vices. What’s that saying? Fake it till you make it! Here’s my million dollar idea; my Kickstarter campaign kicks off next week. Why not put a big, black box in someones living room to cure them of television addiction? With all the flat screen TV’s now, I think you could just paint a black rectangle on their wall.

In all honesty, this post was just an excuse for the E.T. picture at the top. If you haven’t yet, please vote for my book cover in the AllAuthor.com Cover of the Month Contest by clicking THIS LINK. The cover that’s in 1st place right now is laughably bad, and yet it got about 100 votes yesterday to move from 3rd to 1st. They can’t possibly have better blog friends than I do, can they? I didn’t think that was possible. You’d better go show them how wrong they are!

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Blake Shelton: Red Neckiest Man Alive

Yes, that’s right, I used the word “neckiest.” Blake Shelton is not just a red neck, he’s the red neckiest of red necks. Truth be told though, he does need a big red neck to hold up that gigantic melon he calls his head. His noggin is shaped like a canned ham. A giant canned ham. If his head was a canned ham, a family of twelve could have a nice Christmas dinner with it.

If Blake Shelton is the Sexiest Man Alive, then the Russians have obviously meddled in another one of our elections. Election? I don’t remember voting. Where the hell was my polling place for this train wreck? I guarantee you that if there was an actual election Blake Shelton would never win Sexiest Man Alive.

Look at the relative size of their heads in the picture above. Blake could kill him with a head butt. That’s why he looks so terrified. Think about this: The big stupid head pictured above is allegedly sexier than every other man on planet Earth. Every. Other. Man. Including me! I know. Hard to believe, right? I’m not into guys, not that there’s anything wrong with that, and I could still name ten guys sexier than Blake Shelton.

It just occurred to me that Shel-ton sounds a lot like Shit-Ton, as in Blake Shit-Ton needs a shit ton of hair product for a head that large.

Speaking of planet Earth; remember that solar eclipse we had back in August? That wasn’t the moon blocking the sun. It was Blake’s head. He just walked outside.

Remember when Blake took up with Miranda before his divorce to his first wife? Then he was married to Miranda Lambert and cheated on her? Now he’s on to Gwen Stefani. He’s cheating and sleeping his way to the top. Is this the role model we want for young impressionable rednecks?

Upon being named Sexiest Man Alive, with a dribble of chewing tobacco spit on his chin, Blake said, “I can’t wait to shove this up Adam’s ass,”  referring to fellow The Voice judge Adam Levine, who is also a past Sexiest Man Alive. Ooh that’s classy Blake. That ought to play well with the middle America, Honey Boo-Boo, right wing crowd though. You’ve got to be kidding me. I was beaten out for Sexiest Man Alive by that goober? People Magazine, to what lowest common denominator are you pandering? And Blake, if you’ve got a problem with this, I’d love to hear from you.

Want to Win Something? As an aside, my book Time To Lie is still in the running in the AllAuthor.com November Cover of The Month contest. If you voted for me last week, would you mind voting again? And if you haven’t voted yet, why not? Just click THIS LINK and click “Vote.” There’s no sign-up, or leaving your e-mail or anything. If you vote, come back here and leave a comment that you did and I’ll  enter you in a drawing to win an e-book, paperback, or Audible version of my book. Thank you! Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Reasons I Should Be People’s Sexiest Man Alive

Tomorrow People Magazine will name their Sexiest Man Alive for 2017. I have high hopes, but as usual I assume that People Magazine will pander to the lowest common denominator and choose some allegedly good looking, hunky but mindless actor or musician. Here are my ten reason’s why they should choose me:

10. Because Google Says So: Go to Google Images and Google  “Phil Sexiest Man Alive”. That picture above comes up first. If Google thinks it’s true, it must be.

9. Because I Have A Blog: I have a blog and I published a book. We’re not even sure if most of these pretty boys they choose can read much less write.

8. You Stare At My Picture More Than Theirs: Let’s face it, you’ve been to my blog several times a week over the past year, meaning that you’ve probably seen my little profile pic countless times. Over the past year you’ve looked at my picture far more than whoever People will choose, ergo, I am sexier.

7. I’m all natural: Unlike many previous Sexiest Man Alive winners, I’m all natural. No steroids, hair implants or hair dye. I’m 100% all-American male.

6. I’m Employed: Have you ever noticed that they always choose actors? That’s a fly by night bunch if I ever saw one. Flitting from one job to the next. I’m employed full-time every day and I have health insurance. That’s the American dream right?

5. I’m a Normal Guy: Aren’t we all tired of magazines pushing these unrealistic expectations of what is sexy on us? It’s always rail thin models with implants and “hunky” guys who have no real jobs so they work out all day with a personal trainer. How about if People chose a “real” man for Sexiest Man Alive? A normal guy who is sexy because he’s smart, funny, works hard, and provides for his family? Isn’t that what most women really want at the end of the day instead of an unattainable player?

4. I’m Smart: Now I know nobody is going to mistake me for Leonardo DaVinci, but I’m pretty sure I could crush Leonardo DiCaprio at Jeopardy! Most people think intelligence is sexy. Marilyn Monroe once said that the sexiest man alive was Albert Einstein. I’m not going to give you a lecture on physics, but I can hold up my end of a conversation.  I’m willing to pit myself against any show biz pretty boy in a Jeopardy! challenge. C’mon People magazine! Set it up! Let’s make this years Sexiest Man Alive earn it by being sexy inside and out. How about me, Bill Gates, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson vs. Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper & Ryan Reynolds in a game of Trivial Pursuit? That would be riveting television!

3. I Would Look Great On Money: Why not? Why does money have to feature old,  dead Presidents? Most of them are pretty ugly any way. I propose that each Sexiest Man Alive gets to spend the following year as the face on the American one dollar bill.

2. Gray Hair is Distinguished: All you ladies always say that gray hair makes a man look “handsome” or “distinguished.” Over the past year my hair has been getting gray A.F. as the kids say. If chicks dig a guy with a little salt and pepper action going on, then I’m your man.

1. I’m Already Sexiest Blogger Alive: I was once named Sexiest Blogger Alive  so doesn’t it make sense that I should take the next step and ascend to the real throne? Go ahead, click that link. I dare you.

There you have it, my annual argument why I should be named Sexiest Man Alive. If I don’t win it this year, as a consolation there is one other thing I’d like to win: The AllAuthor.com Cover of The Month Contest. Please click THIS LINK and vote for my book cover. Thank you and have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

 

Music Monday! A Game of Tag

I was tagged by Elle of The Road To Elle to change up my Music Monday. Instead of posting a video of new music that I like, I’m going to answer lots of questions about my musical taste and then tag some folks to join in.

The rules are simple. Answer the questions, tag the person that tagged you (www.thephilfactor.com) and tag some friends to answer! Simple, huh?

A song that reminds me of home: Talk To You Later by The Tubes

Five songs that are must-haves for a road trip:

Banditos by The Refreshments (One of my favorite songs ever)

You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC

My Own Worst Enemy by Lit

Pretty Fly For a White Guy by The Offspring

Basketcase by Green Day

A song that inspires me: I got nothin’

A song that puts me in a good mood: It’s Nice To Be Alive by Ballpark Music. (the video above this paragraph) If you want a song to cheer you up, give this a listen. Any day, anywhere, this will put you in a good mood.

A song I know all the words to: Your Love by The Outfield   Who doesn’t know the words to this? Josie’s on a vacation far away. Come around and talk it over…

A song that annoys me: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da by The Beatles. Yes, The Beatles made a bad song. It’s nonsense lyrics. And guess what? The Beatles may be the best band ever, but they made a lot of crappy songs too.

A song I used to like but don’t anymore: I’m loyal. If I liked a song once I always like it.

A song I thrashed and A song I like to play loud: Song 2 by Blur I combined these two questions into one because the answer was the same. This song I turn all the way up to 11 when it comes on in the car.

A song that makes me want to dance: Handclap by Fitz and The Tantrums

There were a few more questions, but I’m out of time this morning. So, without further adieu, I’m going to tag five people:

Christine of I’m Sick and So Are You

John of JohnHowell.com

Hayley of Just Another Blog From a Woman

James of The Next Iteration

Dorinda of Night Owl Poetry

If you’ve read this far, you are obviously an incredible human being and I would love your help in winning the AllAuthor.com book Cover of The Month Contest. If you have a second could you just click THIS LINK and click vote for my cover. You can vote once a week. Have a great Monday! ~Phil

Dear Women, We Are Not Them

Dear Women,

I’m writing this letter to all of you on behalf of the large majority of men in the world. Is it arrogant to presume that I should speak for so many? Of course it is. I’m a man, would you expect anything less? Normally when I do something like this I run it by the other guys at the Man Meeting, but the meeting isn’t until next week and I didn’t want to wait another minute to say this.

Regardless of my unjustified hubris, I will attempt to say something meaningful to you during a terrible and wonderful time in our history. Over the past several years and in particular the last several months, we’ve learned that several men in positions of power or fame have used their status to commit crimes of sexual aggression against many.

What I am saying to you on behalf of 99% of the men on this planet is this: We are not them. 

Us, all the other men, are as horrified by the behavior of these men as you are. We applaud the courage of the women and men who have come forward to put an end to the heinous behavior of these despicable predators. As I said, it is a terrible and wonderful time. It is terrible to learn that there are still men who behave as these hateful criminals have. It is also wonderful that so many women and men are shining a light on the dirty little corners in which these vermin have hidden for so long. We are not them.

As a man, I am embarrassed and mortified that there are some of my gender who believe there is nothing wrong with that sort of behavior. As a man, I am also concerned that women will generalize their fears and feelings about these reprehensible human beings to others of the same gender. We are not them. 

Today, November 11th, Veteran’s Day is a day set aside to honor United States veterans and victims of war. Over the course of history, most military veterans are of the male persuasion. Women of Earth, in spite of the recent revealing of the hateful crimes of a few, please think of the millions of men of the armed forces, of law enforcement,  of firefighters and other emergency services, and of medical providers who have sacrificed so much to protect so many.  As men, that is how we want you to think of us. Not that you need us to protect you, but because we want to. We are not them. 

Sincerely, Men

Sorry to deviate from my usual humorous Saturday post. I find it just sickening every time I hear another one of these stories in the news. Hopefully this piece conveys the beliefs of most men and reassures women that we’re all not evil scum. As long as I’ve got your attention, I’m still trying to finish in the top 3 of the AllAuthor.com cover contest. If you have a minute, would you mind clicking THIS LINK and give me a vote to get me to the next round if you haven’t done so yet? Thanks!

Have a great Saturday and thank you to any and all veterans out there, including my brother and father, who may read this. ~Phil