Category Archives: March Madness

Dear President Obama

This is my open letter to you, President Obama, and yes, I know you’ll hear about this because Michelle subscribes to The Phil Factor on her Amazon Kindle Fire to read while she’s home alone when you’re on those “business trips.” 

Look Barack, I’m glad you’re a sports fan. Good for you. You’re a regular guy just like the rest of us. What I’m not ok with is you going on ESPN every year to fill out your NCAA March Madness bracket. I’m not saying you can’t do one. Just don’t go on t.v. for 30 minutes to fill it out. 1) I don’t care about your picks unless you’re actually in the same office pool as me, and 2) IT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE PAYING YOU TO DO!!! 

Here’s the deal: my taxes pay your salary, ergo, that makes me and every American you’re boss. Guess what? In every company I’ve ever worked in they frown on employees wasting time gambling. We usually hide the hours we spend researching our brackets from the boss. We don’t invite the boss to play, so that we can pretend we didn’t waste half the week filling out our brackets and collecting money from everyone. The boss knows we do it, but he or she also likes to pretend that their employees aren’t spending most of a week screwing off. But you! You don’t even pretend you’re working! You bring in Stuart Scott and set up a giant white board in your office and spend half a day explaining why Vanderbilts pick and roll has a real chance to give the Syracuse 2-3 zone fits if they meet in the round of 16. Guess what Barack? I don’t care how much you know about basketball. You know what I’d be really impressed with is if you pulled out a white board during your State of The Union address and showed a bracket full of evil dictators and communist countries that the U.S. is going to defeat.  If the whole world was hunky dory and we weren’t involved in any wars or recessions or gas prices were reasonable, sure, go ahead, take a breather and relax! It’s like as a kid, when your chores are done you can go out and play. But for the money you’re making I wanna see my President at work 24/7. 

Just for being President for 4 years you are set for life financially and you get free lifetime security. That’s a pretty sweet deal. As part of that deal I kind of would like it if you didn’t treat that job like your own personal fantasy camp.  Since you took office there’s been more jocks in the White House than the Lambeau field locker room. Did I mention that me and everyone else are paying for that with our taxes? Yeah, now get back to work. 

I’m not saying you can’t do an office pool with the cabinet. Remember when I said that the rest of us hide it from the boss when we waste work time on petty gambling? It’s when you get cocky and flaunt it in front of the boss that you get in trouble. Hmmm….let’s see, you’re up for re-election this year? Who re-elects you? Oh yes, that’s right, it’s us. Here, if you’re so fond of petty gambling on the job, how about this: my NCAA bracket versus yours. You win, you get to stay President. I win, I get your job. 

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