Sweet Child Of Mime

Often as a parent I’m concerned about what my child is exposed to when he’s not with me. I worry that at school, on the bus, or in the neighborhood he may hear bad language that other kids learn from their parents, hear stories about “R” rated movies or professional wrestling that some kids are allowed to see, or even worse, that some other kid may loan my child a copy of Grand Theft Auto for Playstation. Today my greatest fear was realized. I was totally unprepared to explain the unmitigated horror that my innocent 7 year son was exposed to at school today. Mimes! They didn’t even send a note home asking permission to let my child see a mime! If anyone is going to annoy my child with stupid behavior it’s going to be me! I do not want those annoying bastards trying to convince my son that they’re stuck in an invisible box, or trying to get him to play invisible tug of war with them. Why the hell don’t mimes talk? You can pretend to climb an invisible ladder and talk. Are we really to believe that miming is the occupation of choice for mutes? What’s wrong, were all the Oompa Loompa jobs taken? Just once I’d love to see a mime who spoke through his entire act. Who wouldn’t want to hear a mime say, “Oh fuck! I’m stuck in this freakin’ box again! Hey morons! Do you think you could stop just staring at me and maybe try to feel around the outside of this box for a doorknob or something? Remind me not to get stuck at the top of an invisible ladder when you mooks are around. This is definitely not a mensa meeting.”

15 responses to “Sweet Child Of Mime

  1. Aaaaaah! Finally another good rant. I get sick of that sensitive crap, even from me.

  2. And a mighty fine rant it was Phil. Thanks for the heads up on those mimes. I better start checking our school schedule just a little tighter. 😉

  3. Oompa Loompas can sing so they’re not mute. Maybe the ones who sing off-key paint themselves white (to hide their orange skin) and become mimes. They don’t speak so that their off-key voices are never heard.

  4. “If anyone is going to annoy my child with stupid behavior it’s going to be me” THAT is the only reason I want to have kids…well, that and being able to make up stupid things. My child will be convinced that forks are called Weewots. Isnt shaping someone’s reality AWESOME?Although, I dont understand what’s wrong with grand theft auto….Is it a bad game???

  5. hehehe . . . I have always wanted to kick a mime right in the shin, just to see if they make any sound.

  6. Ahhh now come on. They’re not so bad…except when they follow you around. Then I want tokick them in their shins.

  7. tree- Please don’t wink at me in the end of your comments.

  8. Cali Girl- I knew the oompa Loompas sang, but it was funny to throw them in there nonetheless.

  9. Princess- Yes, shaping someone elses reality is all kinds of fun. For a long time my kids were convinced I was Batman. They still think I’m psychic.

  10. berly- If a mime falls in the forest, does it really make a sound?

  11. linny- mimes and Amish, why don’t any of them talk?

  12. My father had my sister and I convinced that he could tell the exact time by looking at the sun. We also thought he could spell out words in our waffles. I was so disillusioned when I found out he was tricking us.

  13. Awwww..poor mime! But yes it can get annoying. Even though one must admit it takes talent to do it well.-N

  14. BTW-Loved the GNR reference.-N

  15. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that mime looks like Ray Liota???

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