Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

In the United States it is traditional to get together with family on the Thanksgiving holiday and share the important things you are thankful for before gorging yourself on a meal centered upon the large, dead carcass of the ugliest bird in North America. Every year everyone shares the usual platitudes about being thankful for family and good heath. Duh! Who can’t come up with that? When I decided to write this I set out to write a positive, uplifting post so that my loyal readers don’t think that my every thought and written or spoken word are tinged with biting sarcasm. So without further adieu, here are some of the everyday things I am thankful for:

The Bed Buddy. No, I am not referring to a convenient late night hook-up. I’m referring to my microwaveable heating pad. In just 1 minute and 55 seconds I can enjoy the pleasure of moist, penetrating, heat anywhere I want it. Ok, I guess it does sound like I’m referring to a convenient, late night hook-up.

Satellite radio. I have over 120 stations to choose from. I can pre-program 30 of them, making them available to me at the touch of a single button. I don’t ever have to listen to a radio commercial ever again. I can put my satellite radio on one station and drive my car clear across the country without ever changing the channel. All because somewhere, several miles above the Earth, is a giant satellite beaming the radio signal directly to my car. I don’t care if they discover that these satellite waves, possibly going straight through my skull on their way to my radio, cause tumors. The trade off is so worth it.

Boston Legal. Yes, the television show. It is very funny, but that’s not my favorite part. At the conclusion of each episode, the characters of Denny Crane and Alan Shore, two arrogant, eccentric, and bombastic attorneys, get together on the balcony of their office to share a brandy and a cigar and to talk about their insecurities, hopes, dreams, failures, and foibles. I never tire of this 2 minute scene each episode. It is male bonding as it should be. Occasionally men do this in real life, but we never tell women about it.

Scallops wrapped in bacon. In my opinion there is nothing else edible that can cause me to go into a swoon like scallops wrapped in bacon with a little toothpick through them. I highly recommend removing the toothpick before ingesting these wonderful little delicacies. The taste isn’t half as good when half of a toothpick is scraping it’s way down the inside of your esophagus. If there is a Nobel Prize for cooking somebody should get one for this idea.

The Name Game You know the name game right? That little rhyming thing where you take any name and impose nonsense syllables upon it. With my name it goes like this: Philly Philly bo billy, banana fana fo Philly, me my mo milly, Philly! I didn’t learn how to do this until I was 21 years old and it never fails to cheer me up or make me smile. I want to see everyone do the name game with their own name when you post a comment. (Just for fun at home, try it with the name Ducky)

The internet. Without it how would we ever find our perfect match using 29 personality variables? Also without the internet I could never get the daily positive reinforcement for my ridiculous thoughts and theories. I was always that kid that caused your teachers and parents to say, “Don’t laugh, you’ll only encourage him.” Thank you all for encouraging me. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!